I found the worst person to ever sit next to in a B&M

[RydenStoompala]

Port o potty stench!? Heaven!

I was beside an arse-crack flashin dirt monkey in one of my favorite games not long ago. He was not decorated with feces like your human garbage bomb, but that kind of extra effort would have qualified as cologne. I played for two hands, about five minutes, then got a table change.

So then...the scudge ape mumbles something like "table too tough, we're scaring people off," or something to that effect. The natural comeback, other than the perfectly justifiable action of projectile vomitting on the skunk boy, was to say "if you play as strongly as you smell, I'm outta here." Apparently, that was offensive. The other players thought it was funny, but not Ebola face. I got the "evil eye" stare for half an hour until he went bust and slid out the back door into the waiting arms of a front-loading garbage truck or wherever he sleeps.

You poker room managers are allowed to intervene if you wish. You may get sued for booting a reeking ditch pig from your joint but if you use the World War One Defence, the one that protests the use of mustard gas, I think you'll survive. Boot their filthy hides right onto the nearest busy street.

[thabadguy]

I am terribly sorry, i didnt mean to be condescending. All I was trying to say was...it just seems like he is playing with money he cannot afford to lose.

[eh923]

Aside from people that smell horrible, the worst player I've ever had the pleasure of sitting beside had a very long pinky nail (imagine what it's used for). Everytime he'd slide his chips into the pot, his nail would scrape the felt. It sounded very similar to chalk on a chalkboard.

That, and he'd look at his hole cards by dipping his head to table level, and pulling them up one at a time. The whole process took a minimum of 10 seconds.

[prez2032]

At a Commerce $1-$2 game years ago, I had the misfortune of being seated next to something that looked like the Crypt Keeper from "Tales from the Crypt." Bald in front with long, greasy gray hair in back, body odor that would peel paint, scabrous hands that would FLAKE off onto the table, and teeth that looked like he had been opening cans with them. This was my first B&M experience, and I must thank this gentleman for rapidly accelerating my game past the $1-$2 level, properly bankrolled or not.

The worst part about it all was that he was constantly muttering under his breath. Mostly threats whenever someone raised. I flopped a King flush and he called me down all the way, and when he turned over middle pair, he cursed, slammed his hand down, leaked some pus, and threatened to kill me in a low voice if I ever did that again. He said he was going to stab me in the chest and cut my heart out.

Of course, now I would have smiled and got his ass kicked out, but I was new, nervous, and inexperienced. He finally slithered away on his own, undoubtedly back to some swamp or cave somewhere to feast on the human flesh of prior flush floppers. I've played in dozens of casinos since then, with all sorts of gross, smelly people, but never with anyone quite so offensive and deserving of a swift kick in the ass out the door. If anyone knows if this guy still plays in LA, please post, because I have an Ace with his name on it.

-Steve

[HentaiGaijin]

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Was he a crappy enough player to warrant sitting next to his funky ass without complaint?

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No. He would have to be reallllllllllllly [censored] bad at poker for it to be worth it.

Some things just aren't worth it no matter how much money is involved.

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What the hell is that in your avatar?

[sternroolz]

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I'm not sure exactly what SBD stands for....but I can imagine what you are referring to.

Were you the guy wearing the I-pod sitting next to me in the tourney on the PPM cruise? [img]/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img]


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That's funny as hell. I was just commenting at a $9-18 HE game at Commerce Saturday night about a sunglass wearing, Ipod listening douche that had taken all my money and was hitting cards left and right. Said douche had a killer table image, but did a hit and run.

[flecks]

I was playing a while back when I kept catching wafts of shat smell. You know like someone tracked dog poo in on their shoes. I discretely checked my own shoes [img]/images/graemlins/blush.gif[/img] to make sure that I wasn't the offending culprit. Then I noticed that the guy sitting behind me had a baseball cap that said something something BUFFALO farm. There it was. Buffalo crap. How's that for being observant of who's around you. Must of been tired.

[pokerswami]

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I forget what show it was, but on a recent poker program there were players talking about other players putting in 24 hour sessions and stinking real bad. Then they flashed to a picture of Eskimo Clark. I wonder what they meant by that?

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I know what they meant. They meant he was an example. I met Eskimo when he visited a local underground game that I frequent. He didn't play at my table, but everyone with personal experience with him said that he routinely smelled foul. They were not reflecting the ESPN broadcast you mentioned but their own experiences.


Regarding the original post:

Picture this dirty plumber type sitting in a card game and imagine the amount and variety of filth that could be transferred from him and his clothing to the chips, cards, money, table and chairs and thus to everyone and everything in the room. It's why I make it a point not to touch my face in a cardroom. (It also prevents the common tell of covering one's mouth after making a bluff.)

The cardrooms I play in, whether above ground or underground, all have self-service food and beverage areas. No matter how well you wash up before getting something to eat or drink there, if this guy or someone he has contaminated through all those media has visited the area, there's nothing much you can do to protect yourself other than to abstain. This is not paranoia, it's just the willingness to recognize reality.

[pokerrookie]

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I forget what show it was, but on a recent poker program there were players talking about other players putting in 24 hour sessions and stinking real bad. Then they flashed to a picture of Eskimo Clark. I wonder what they meant by that?

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I know what they meant. They meant he was an example. I met Eskimo when he visited a local underground game that I frequent. He didn't play at my table, but everyone with personal experience with him said that he routinely smelled foul. They were not reflecting the ESPN broadcast you mentioned but their own experiences.


Regarding the original post:

Picture this dirty plumber type sitting in a card game and imagine the amount and variety of filth that could be transferred from him and his clothing to the chips, cards, money, table and chairs and thus to everyone and everything in the room. It's why I make it a point not to touch my face in a cardroom. (It also prevents the common tell of covering one's mouth after making a bluff.)

The cardrooms I play in, whether above ground or underground, all have self-service food and beverage areas. No matter how well you wash up before getting something to eat or drink there, if this guy or someone he has contaminated through all those media has visited the area, there's nothing much you can do to protect yourself other than to abstain. This is not paranoia, it's just the willingness to recognize reality.

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This is why, after each pot I take down, I use that Purel antibacterial handwash to sanitize my chips.

[rlpsjstyle]

I was honestly wondering if a picture of Eskimo Clark would be attached to this thread.

But seriously, it wouldn't be worth it to stay in many games next to someone who had bee wallowing in feces all day. I'd rack up and move on, or at least request a table change (if possible).