Long Distance (ABSOLUTELY no content)

[gildwulf]

I was gonna post this in Citanul's 'Ann Landers' sticky, but I figured there's enough fluff in there already.

Anyhoo, my girlfriend and I are doing long distance next year starting at the beginning of September (I am going to Chicago and she is staying in MTL). I was wondering if any other posters on here have had experience with long distance and were willing to share. Also, any general or specific advice would be much appreciated.

Some background: we have been dating for 7+ months and it is pretty serious. Basically, I don't want to f*ck this up. My last long distance relationship crashed and burned (highschool, I went to college and screwed around).

peace,
Z

[Superfluous Man]

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My last long distance relationship crashed and burned (highschool, I went to college and screwed around).

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Empirical evidence (this, along with every other long distance relationship I, or anyone I've ever known, has been in) suggests this one is doomed to failure. -EV

[gildwulf]

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[ QUOTE ]
My last long distance relationship crashed and burned (highschool, I went to college and screwed around).

[/ QUOTE ]
Empirical evidence (this, along with every other long distance relationship I, or anyone I've ever known, has been in) suggests this one is doomed to failure. -EV

[/ QUOTE ]

If we're going on crappy poker analogies, that's like saying you should never try and play the 215s because 4 years ago when you sucked at poker you had a bad losing streak:P

[FatalError]

if you are looking for relationship advice from 2+2 then god help you

[gildwulf]

hahaha, vnh...I'm just curious...and it's less advice and more wondering about other people's experience with it. Looking more from the older crowd...I've already gotten enough wise-ass 20-something comments from my buddies...

[yabastid]

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if you are looking for relationship advice from 2+2 then god help you

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[mlagoo]

I don't want to get really long winded about this (I actually had written a sort of long post then deleted it), but I was in a long distance relationship with a serious girlfriend and ended it because it become too stressful.

You really need to trust each other implicitly for it to work. If there's any doubts in your mind about one another's faithfulness, it's just going to drive you crazy and make you act/interact crazy.

If it's someone you really care about, it's worth trying, but it's difficult.

[Superfluous Man]

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If we're going on crappy poker analogies, that's like saying you should never try and play the 215s because 4 years ago when you sucked at poker you had a bad losing streak:P

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Well, the "-EV" part was the only poker-related thing I put in there, and it was kind of a throwaway line. It certainly wasn't my aim to make it a poker analogy. Seriously, this is how 99% of these go:

Months 1-3: You pass up prime opportunities with women who are better looking than your current girlfriend. Your girlfriend may do the same.
Month 4: You cheat, quite possibly with someone who is worse looking than your girlfriend, just because you miss sex that much. Your girlfriend may do the same.
Months 5-7: Somewhere in here, one of the two finds out about the cheating and you break it off, either because one of you has found someone better (and by "better" I mean "close enough to have sex with frequently") or because you've simply fallen out of touch with her. Gee, I wonder why. Couldn't be the thousand miles of separation.

All the while, you will regret having passed up the opportunities you had in months 1-3.

The "expected value" of a long-distance relationship is heartbreak and sexual frustration. Understand that when you enter into one of these, you are going against the odds. Good luck anyway.

[gildwulf]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]

If we're going on crappy poker analogies, that's like saying you should never try and play the 215s because 4 years ago when you sucked at poker you had a bad losing streak:P

[/ QUOTE ]
Well, the "-EV" part was the only poker-related thing I put in there, and it was kind of a throwaway line. It certainly wasn't my aim to make it a poker analogy. Seriously, this is how 99% of these go:

Months 1-3: You pass up prime opportunities with women who are better looking than your current girlfriend. Your girlfriend may do the same.
Month 4: You cheat, quite possibly with someone who is worse looking than your girlfriend, just because you miss sex that much. Your girlfriend may do the same.
Months 5-7: Somewhere in here, one of the two finds out about the cheating and you break it off, either because one of you has found someone better (and by "better" I mean "close enough to have sex with frequently") or because you've simply fallen out of touch with her. Gee, I wonder why. Couldn't be the thousand miles of separation.

All the while, you will regret having passed up the opportunities you had in months 1-3.

The "expected value" of a long-distance relationship is heartbreak and sexual frustration. Understand that when you enter into one of these, you are going against the odds. Good luck anyway.

[/ QUOTE ]

Wow, this is pretty jaded...I'm interested in hearing about people's actual experiences as well...

[skipperbob]

Distance is to Love as Wind is to Fire:
It will extinguish the weak & fan the strong /images/graemlins/laugh.gif

[The Yugoslavian]

[ QUOTE ]
Distance is to Love as Wind is to Fire:
It will extinguish the weak & fan the strong /images/graemlins/laugh.gif

[/ QUOTE ]

WTF?! /images/graemlins/confused.gif

This is poetic and insightful and posted by Skipperbob, /images/graemlins/crazy.gif.

Yugoslav

[Nicholasp27]

i had long-distance with my gf for 1 year, then she moved to my city and moved in with me and now we're engaged

i did visit her for a weekend once every 1-2 months and we talked on phone for hours/day

so it can work

[gildwulf]

Maybe I didn't make myself super clear in the OP...I'm not asking for whether we should stay together because we are staying together and will try and make it work. All I wanted was to hear other people's stories and people who have been through similar circumstances...

peace,
z

[A_PLUS]

How long are you planning to be apart? If it is an undetermined length of time, save yourself the trouble. If it is for something like a 2 year grad school program, maybe.

Here is how I would look at it. I am pretty much turning priest for this girl. You are not only giving up other women while she is gone, you are giving up ALL women. So, I need to be pretty sure I am marrying this girl. If I am pretty sure I am marrying her, we arent going to be living that far apart unless there is extreme short term circumstances.

[gildwulf]

My grad program is 12 months, she graduates from undergrad at same time and then we are planning to go live in a city somewhere in US or Canada. Preferably with a casino nearby:P

[Nicholasp27]

it can be done for a year if u are both determined and can trust each other

[A_PLUS]

[ QUOTE ]
My grad program is 12 months, she graduates from undergrad at same time and then we are planning to go live in a city somewhere in US or Canada. Preferably with a casino nearby:P

[/ QUOTE ]

No quesstion give it a shot, just make sure you make enough with poker to fly back every few weeks. I think you will have a tougher time when it is done and you are stuck together in a little apartment, and she is pulling out, "Why is poker more important than me?"

I would also send her chocolates, cakes, etc all the time. You are going to be so desperate, that a few pounds wont bother you, but it should keep her lab partner at bay (trust me that dude is a slime ball). Then you can join a gym together in a year.

[durron597]

1) Wrong forum. Move to OOT for this.
2) Long distance rels suck.

[TheKentock]

I am about to enter my 3rd year of long-distance hell with my girlfriend. we dated for 2 years in highschool and 2 in college. I see her every 5 or 6 weeks, and we spend our vacations together. So i have been there longer than you are even planning to be.

I would say the most important thing to do is make sure you have lots of visits. We do one every 5 weeks roughly, and that weekend is devoted entirely to each other. Definitely clear your schedule fully before you/she visits. if you have a test, study early. If you can't afford plane tickets, drop down a limit and use your bankroll. That is, if your girlfriend is in fact more important to you than your bankroll. (sw)

As long as you make sure you see her as much as you can in the time that you are apart, you should be able to last. 12 months after 7 months will be tough, but at least that's the last time you'll ever have to do it.

[skipperbob]

[ QUOTE ]
This is poetic and insightful and posted by Skipperbob

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Actually the line primarily used to "snare" the lovely Mrs. SkipperBob some 40 years ago /images/graemlins/blush.gif

[SCfuji]

talk about how often you two will communicate with one another.

[pooh74]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Distance is to Love as Wind is to Fire:
It will extinguish the weak & fan the strong /images/graemlins/laugh.gif

[/ QUOTE ]

WTF?! /images/graemlins/confused.gif

This is poetic and insightful and posted by Skipperbob, /images/graemlins/crazy.gif.

Yugoslav

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And this definitely qualifies as a response from the "older crowd" OP was looking for. Bet he wasnt expecting to get it straight from Sunnyview Rest Homes...

Don't take it so literally next time Skip..."older" does not equal "old" per se.

[gildwulf]

[ QUOTE ]
I am about to enter my 3rd year of long-distance hell with my girlfriend. we dated for 2 years in highschool and 2 in college. I see her every 5 or 6 weeks, and we spend our vacations together. So i have been there longer than you are even planning to be.

I would say the most important thing to do is make sure you have lots of visits. We do one every 5 weeks roughly, and that weekend is devoted entirely to each other. Definitely clear your schedule fully before you/she visits. if you have a test, study early. If you can't afford plane tickets, drop down a limit and use your bankroll. That is, if your girlfriend is in fact more important to you than your bankroll. (sw)

As long as you make sure you see her as much as you can in the time that you are apart, you should be able to last. 12 months after 7 months will be tough, but at least that's the last time you'll ever have to do it.

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Wow, 3 years...that's incredible you guys have stayed together that long. Is there an end in sight? Thanks for the story...

[Nicholasp27]

2 more years, when they graduate college, i'd expect

[kevstreet]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Distance is to Love as Wind is to Fire:
It will extinguish the weak & fan the strong /images/graemlins/laugh.gif

[/ QUOTE ]

WTF?! /images/graemlins/confused.gif

This is poetic and insightful and posted by Skipperbob, /images/graemlins/crazy.gif.


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[wulfheir]

My fiancee and I did it for 2 years (we're getting married next weekend). Email and/or talk on the phone everyday to keep the communication open and keep up on each others lives. Worked for us, after overcoming that obstacle the rest has been easy (5 years and counting).

[TheKentock]

Yep. Halfway there....

[Mez]

[ QUOTE ]
My grad program is 12 months, she graduates from undergrad at same time and then we are planning to go live in a city somewhere in US or Canada. Preferably with a casino nearby:P

[/ QUOTE ]

If its only a year, and you plan to see each other all the time, stick with her. I dated a girl who lived in Europe for 3 years - lots of cool trips, but ultimately a waste unless there is a plan to live together.

[microbet]

I would not move away from a woman that I was serious about for school or work. But, I am a fool.

I think you should have posted this in the Dear Citanul thread.

[jeffraider]

Well, how much do you like talking to your gf on the phone? Because I can't bloody stand talking to anyone on the phone, let alone my gf for hours. I'd have to drink a six pack of heineken every day just to keep from cutting her head off.

[11t]

Long distance relationships are only good if you dont mind your partner getting wasted and fooling around with some random person.

Just my experience though.

[adanthar]

One year is doable if you take very very frequent trips and trust her so completely that you will not worry about her at all.

Just make sure to have a defined exit date and plenty of phone call/together time, because it can crash and burn really quickly when given any opportunity.