Anyone an SI subscriber? Poker article by Rick Reilly

[Easy E]

Rick Reilly: Life of Reilly
This poker craze is the biggest waste of time since Stevie Wonder went to a mime festival

You have to be an SI subscriber to get this online. Anyone care to reproduce it for us?

[B Dids]

Why would I read somebody by Rick Reilly on purpose?

[Tyler Durden]

Why would someone read your post and not make sense of it? How about b/c it makes no sense at all?

[Edge34]

Here goes:

"I am clueless. I am about as plugged in as an Amish toaster. Not only do I not know what's up, I would need a GPS and two sherpas to find up.

This became clear the other day when I heard my fairly athletic 17-year-old son on the phone, trying to "get a bunch of players" together. And he said how "the game yesterday was sick!" And how he was working on his "reads," needed "a really good kicker" and "wouldn't it be cool to get on ESPN someday?"

And I thought to myself, Hey, that's great! He and his schoolmates are playing some backyard football!

Wrong. He and his schoolmates are playing Texas Hold 'Em in the basement. He and his schoolmates and what seems like half the formerly sane world have been sucked into the televised poker craze. Do you realize that the 2004 World Series of Poker drew bigger ratings on ESPN than the first two games of the last Stanley Cup finals? And by one website's estimate, $100 million is bet on poker every day online?

So I started watching. And I came to this startling conclusion: This poker craze is the biggest waste of time since Stevie Wonder went to a mime festival. From what I can tell, it seems to be a lot of people who sit in dark rooms and watch a lot of other people sit in those windowless rooms wearing sunglasses.

I haven't seen this many doughy people since the Krispy Kreme company picnic. Do they tan under 40-watt bulbs? Where is the thrill in watching guys with 300 cholesterol levels play cards and rattle their chip stacks 1,000 different ways? The current World Series of Poker champ, Greg (Fossilman) Raymer, wears back-of-the-comic-book gag glasses and gemstone necklaces and goes about 275 pounds, though a good 3% of that is muscle.

Now Bravo has a hit with Celebrity Poker Showdown, featuring celebs like Carrie Fisher saying breathlessly to Mimi Rogers, "I'm all in!" You know your sport is smokin' when you can get Carrie Fisher.

I hear what you're saying. You baboon. You don't have the foggiest idea what it takes to play world-class poker. It's cerebral. It's psychological. It requires patience, aggression and brains.

Really? Is that why a guy named Chris Moneymaker won the 2003 World Series of Poker after having played the game on the Internet for three years? Or why actor Ben Affleck won a major open poker tournament this year? Can you imagine somebody taking up basketball three years ago and suddenly becoming the leading scorer in the NBA? Or Affleck winning the Buick Open?

Yet teens hold up these pasty poker pudges as gods. I never hear them talk about Tiger Woods or Kevin Garnett anymore. They talk about Chris (Jesus) Ferguson and Phil (the Unabomber) Laak, who peers out from under a sweatshirt hood for the whole game, shadowboxes during hands and kneels behind the dealer as the last two cards are turned. Maybe he should pray. God: "Look, let's put the whole Fallujah thing on hold. I need to make sure Phil gets a six here."

Hey, at least the guy gets out of his chair. Everybody else just sits. These people spend more time on their butts than FDR did. And now you, too, can get the entire 2003 World Series of Poker on DVD, featuring all that sitting! (Comes with an ice pick to insert into your brain.)

The dullness is built right into the game. The way to win at Texas Hold 'Em is to be as expressionless as drywall and fold a lot. Whoo-ee! You talk about exciting! What's ESPN going to put on next, the World Hairline-Receding Championships?

Is all this a good thing for teenagers? Is this what we want -- kids who used to be outside on perfect fall afternoons suddenly hunched in the basement like Nathan Detroit's floating crap game? Is it a good thing that my son's buddies are all wearing green eyeshades and taking one another's busboy tips for hours on end while their muscles turn to linguini?

Betty George of the North American Training Institute, which runs youth gambling-prevention programs, doesn't think so. She says that a teenager who gambles is two to three times more likely than an adult to become addicted to gambling. "We get a call every day from another teenager who's trying to figure out how to tell his parents he lost the car insurance money," she says.

What really sucks is that the kids are losing their own cash while the poker stars sort of aren't. Do you realize that Moneymaker won his World Series of Poker stake in a $40 Internet contest? He might as well be your grandmother betting buttons.

Hey, I play poker with my buddies. But it's four times a year and comes with the requisite bad meatballs, cold beer and dirty jokes. Poker isn't a sport, it isn't for kids, and it sure as hell shouldn't be on my damn sports channels.

Sorry, I'm all out. "






To be totally fair, I think one of the points he's getting at is how the TV poker thing has taken over much of the young kids who would normally be doing other, "more productive" things, such as participating in sports. And a lot of these kids DON'T know how to play responsibly, and WILL end up losing money they shouldn't. Just take it with a grain of salt I guess. TV poker isn't for everyone, and for those who aren't really into the game, its going to be really, REALLY boring. Guess he's one of these. He's still the reason I read SI's back page first.

-Edge

[Nottom]

[ QUOTE ]


To be totally fair, I think one of the points he's getting at is how the TV poker thing has taken over much of the young kids who would normally be doing other, "more productive" things, such as participating in sports.

[/ QUOTE ]

Although I tend to agree that gambling could become an issue for many teens if their parents aren't careful and look for the signs of a problem, I don't suscribe to the theory that kids are playing poker instead of doing more athletic things. If they weren't playing poker, tey would be playing Halo or Madden or looking at internet porn or doing whatever other non-athletic things kids were doing 2 years ago.

[Neil Stevens]

[ QUOTE ]
This poker craze is the biggest waste of time since Stevie Wonder went to a mime festival

[/ QUOTE ]
Bet they wouldn't publish that if poker were on Time Warner networks instead of just Disney and News.

[Justin A]

[ QUOTE ]
Really? Is that why a guy named Chris Moneymaker won the 2003 World Series of Poker after having played the game on the Internet for three years? Or why actor Ben Affleck won a major open poker tournament this year? Can you imagine somebody taking up basketball three years ago and suddenly becoming the leading scorer in the NBA? Or Affleck winning the Buick Open?

[/ QUOTE ]

This is why I don't like tournament poker.

Justin A

[Sponger15SB]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
This poker craze is the biggest waste of time since Stevie Wonder went to a mime festival

[/ QUOTE ]
Bet they wouldn't publish that if poker were on Time Warner networks instead of just Disney and News.

[/ QUOTE ]

I don't think it makes the story any less true though.

[wayabvpar]

Rick Reilly still a douchebag. Check.

[Edge34]

Hey Nottom,

I agree with you on this one, and not Reilly. I should've been more clear in my post. As a matter of fact, I started to play poker in high school while playing varsity football among other things, and still play football in college. Of course, I still find time for poker AND those other non-athletic things. This article being in THE sports magazine, I just naturally figured this was one of the points of his article. If he were just to write about kids being irresponsible gamblers, it wouldn't tie in to well to SI, I don't imagine.

[B Dids]

[ QUOTE ]
Rick Reilly still a douchebag. Check.

[/ QUOTE ]

That's what I was trying to say earlier but messed up. The guy is a clown and I'm not sure why people care what he says.

[sublime]

[ QUOTE ]
That's what I was trying to say earlier but messed up. The guy is a clown and I'm not sure why people care what he says.


[/ QUOTE ]

why is he a clown?

[B Dids]

I just think he's a lousy booring writer who doens't know nearly enough about what he's talking about.

That said, I think that of 90% of sportswriters.

[Oski]

The other day I was watching a televised poker tourney. After Doyle made Lederer lay down a hand, the whole audience was cheering and clapping.

I thought of one of Reilly's points - what are you doing watching one of these things in the grandsstands? That must be boring.

[dabluebery]

I feel like I've read this article a thousand times. Dave Barry wrote one, that was at least funny.

Rick Reilly is OK. I've liked some things he's written. But he's nuts if he thinks poker is replacing kids playing outside. More like poker could cut into video games, which replaced kids playing outside 15 years ago.

Rob

[Danielih]

Seriously I could have told you before this that Rick Reilly is a complete moron. Yet year to year he continues to win all these awards for best sportswriter, figure that one out.

[sublime]

The thing with reilly is is he writing his opinion 95% of the time. so how could be not know what he is talking about if he writing how he feels?

[sublime]

I thought of one of Reilly's points - what are you doing watching one of these things in the grandsstands? That must be boring.

i have a subscription to SI and dont have much of an opinion on reilly. but think of his article, i mean if you weren't poker players (hes not i imagine) and you turned on the TV and saw crowds of people watching a very strange collection of people playing cards, the crowd cheering and ohhhhing and ahhhhing, what would you think? i play poker and think its wierd.

[Oski]

Extremely weird. The audience cannot be poker players - totally -EV to be sitting there doing nothing.

[sublime]

- totally -EV to be sitting there doing nothing.

LMAO!

Exactly what I would think if somebody offered a seat!

[AceHigh]

[ QUOTE ]
why is he a clown?

[/ QUOTE ]

I read an article about him playing Michael Jordon, 1-on-1 in basketball. Reilly was a punter in college, I think, not a basketball player. So he's playing MJ and obviously he can't beat him. So the smart thing to do would be to have some fun and take your whoopin' like a man. But no, he starts calling ticky-tack fouls on MJ. MJ gets pissed, things get ugly.

Seemed silly to me, you get a chance to have some fun, and play some basketball against the greatest player of alltime. Tell your kids about it. Instead he turns it into an ugly experience for everybody invovled.

[Edge34]

For some reason I don't recall this article, and while I've enjoyed almost everything Reilly's written, I'd like to see this one. Mind refreshing my memory on where to find that one?

I've let my subscription lapse on occasion...for shame...

[Sundevils21]

[ QUOTE ]
I thought of one of Reilly's points - what are you doing watching one of these things in the grandsstands? That must be boring.


[/ QUOTE ]

I've watched a final table once. It was the WSOP $1K rebuy hold'em event. Negreanu, Matusow, Juanda, Paul Phillips, and two other players.
I found it highly entertaining. Joking, laughing, moving all in dark, teasing about all the rebuys Negreanu made.
Maybe I got lucky and went to one of the better ones.

[sublime]

For some reason I don't recall this article, and while I've enjoyed almost everything Reilly's written, I'd like to see this one. Mind refreshing my memory on where to find that one?

i think it was last weeks

[drewjustdrew]

[ QUOTE ]
and saw crowds of people watching a very strange collection of people playing cards, the crowd cheering and ohhhhing and ahhhhing, what would you think?

[/ QUOTE ]

I had a similar experience the first time I turned on Emeril. The audience was very excited about cooking. It made me watch the entire episode. I still didn't understand the excitement afterward, but I found the crowd hilarious and fascinating. BAM!!!!!

[submariner]

Is it bad if I read 3/4 of this thread before I figured out what SI stands for?

[MicroBob]

I had a similar feeling the first time I saw Iron-Chef.
Play-by-play of cooking....let's go down to Kitchen-Stadium.....yes, yes, He is adding squid. this could be REALLY interesting. Don't you think the flame is really high?? etc etc.

Not only is Iron Chef kind of goofy, but if also has the unintended comedic element that can only come from overly enthusiastic english dubbing.


A year ago or so I read some post on a sportscasters' message board (mostly guys that call high-school football on the radio) and somebody reported going to a friend's house and on the TV was....of all things....Poker.
"Have you ever heard of such a thing? Poker being broadcast with regular type sportscasters calling the play-by-play....errr, maybe it should be called card-by-card action. It was truly bizarre....they must be really desperate for programming because you KNOW this isn't exactly a ratings-grabber. blah blah blah."

It wasn't too long ago that was a fairly common reaction.
"what the hell is this?? Are they really showing poker on TV? how weird."


What I found most interesting from the column is that the WSOP got better ratings than the Stanley Cup.
But I guess this says as much about the unpopularity of hockey as it does about the popularity of poker.

[Blarg]

Writing critical takes on things that are very popular is an easy way to get a laugh, get published, and be thought of as a little more clever, insightful, and "cutting edge" than the next critic. Critics often compete to see who can be the most negative, whether they believe it or not. When smart-aleck critics try to puncture the poker balloon, it usually turns out to be more like a pinata dumping lame jokes and half-witted analysis, at best. Seems like that's this guy's program.

Ever notice how much effort is put into describing poker players as fat and ugly and pale? Are we all somehow "fat by association" or something? Are the blacks, Filipinos, and Mexicans all pale too? Are the women players ugly too, or is that dumb stereotype one that won't go unchallenged unless it's applied to men?

Writers like this are riding the poker craze in exactly the same way as its proponents are. Pretending to be above it all is part of the act -- just a particularly cheesy part.

It's ignorant, too, and usually it's pretty easy to find the irony. Fat sportswriters writing about fat poker players -- well, that'll show 'em. People who spend many hours a week wasting time watching sports indoors on t.v. saying it's nutty to spend so much time playing poker indoors. People who bemoan the lost wonders of childhood their kids are missing out on when most people don't even know what the hell their kids are doing in the first place. And who, if they found out, probably wouldn't be a bit surprised to see that their kids aren't for the most part out annointing lepers, discovering cold fusion, or solving world hunger anyway.

Just exactly what is it that everyone's unquestionably dynamic, productive, truly miraculous children who should get an award or something by the way! are doing that is getting so misplaced by poker to their serious detriment? Hanging around with friends? Poker is actually a part of that, anyway. In fact, it's a very easy way to make new friends and keep socialization active with a broader base of people than one would usually meet. What, then, is getting so lamentably misplaced? Playing Nintendo and watching t.v., in large part. Horrific loss, there.

But I guess it's an idea for an article, anyway. Real cutting-edge stuff.

And for god's sake, won't someone please think of the children!

[AceHigh]

It was a very old story, back when MJ was still with the Bulls but late enough that he was considered one of the all time greats. I quoted that article to prove a point, but mostly I just don't like his writing/style. Obviously a lot of others do.

[ihaterivers]

The most rediculous thing he said was greg raymer weighing 275 lbs.

[Regulator]

Because he has to make sweeping generalizations in order to get some punch in his material, and they are easily proven untrue.

[ArchAngel71857]

Wow. Look at that! Rick Reilly wrote something I would rather wipe my ass with. SI sucks. Anytime my roommate gets the magazine, I look at four things in this order: The pictures in the beginning; Faces in the crowd; Inside the NFL/College Football; Inside Baseball.

-AA

[Lawrence Ng]

The ironic thing this is this guy is marketing the game through his extremely biased views.

It's like telling a child he can't go look in the cupboard because there's a secret box there. Guess what the child's gonna do? He's gonna look.

Reverse pyschology works in this instance, the more you refuse to let someone do something, the more they are going to want to do it. Just let the kids play cards. Educate and guide them, don't withold them for crying out loud.