Mike, she made off with your sheets

[Lawrence Ng]

For those of you who remember, there's a scene in Rounders (what's Rounders? bah..don't bother even reading if you don't know what Rounders is) where Ed Norton and Matt Damon come back to Matt's apartment one night and find out that Matt's girlfriend has left him and cleaned the apartment out. In fact she even made off with his bed sheets.

Guess what? Metaphorically speaking I think my sheets are about to be taken too.

My girlfriend doesn't live with me to say, but does know that I play poker. She knows, but she detests it a lot.

We've talked about it in the past but nothing serious, up until two weeks ago when we had a serious discussion.

Things have been going well for us after 1.5 years and I thought it would be a good time to bring up the subject because it was important for the woman in my life to know about my special "hobby"

Well since the big talk, things have went downhill. She is giving me a lot of cold shoulders, our relationship has been on standby pretty much and needless to say I'm not getting any action.

I tried discussing with her the merits of the game and even tried going into negotiation mode working out a "deal" to play so and so often, but not too much that it would occupy too much of my time or neglect other important aspects around my life.

Nothing worked. In fact she started crying because of she felt we were so different and wanted to break up. At that point I didn't know what to feel. I felt like a bomb had been dropped on me. It came completely unexpected. She really does not like me playing poker.

I know its going to end soon. C'est la vie. I am not giving up this wonderful game I've put so much into for a woman who refuses to even compromise a solution with me and who fail to see how this game benefits me and the people around me.

Lucky for me, I have no problems meeting ladies. But my question is, when is the right time to tell your potentially-significant other about poker. How should I tell her?

Any advice, professional or otherwise much appreciated.

Lawrence [img]/images/graemlins/frown.gif[/img]

[Al_Capone_Junior]

I have a policy of telling the whole truth about poker immediately. Saves conflicts. If they can't handle it, and respect you for who you are, they're just not the one. You gotta be you.

"I yam what I yam."

al

[Mikey]

Hey Lawrence I've had the same problem. With my -ex and also with two other important womeone in my life, my mother and sister, for my mother she obviously has no idea about the game, I try to teach her about pot odds, tells, betting patterns, so on and so forth...she has no idea like the rest of the world.

For instance, On Party I have a pretty nice sum and my mother told me to withdraw all the money out and leave $100 in and try to work back up to that amount, that would obviously mean I would have to play $.50 - $1.00. and grind it all the way back up. Its obvious to me that I'm a better player than that.

Anyway my sister, is getting into poker, I'm teaching her and she's playing very very well. I'm actually surprised, and I have my brother hooked on it too.

As far as for your girlfriend who doesn't understand it and cries about it, they will never understand it, no matter how much you teach them, no matter how much you say, no matter how much you win, they will always say...."ohh but you are gambling." They think you are playing Roulette or Craps but its Poker.

If you truly love this game and are going to keep playing it do yourself a favor and have another conversation with your girlfriend. Sit with her and deal out a hand, tell her why you do this and why you do that. Why you fold here but with the same hand you should raise there, show her typical player mistakes, like calling with gutshots, show her how you calculate the odds of such a hand.

If she doesn't understand this then I'm sorry, either make a decision to stay with her and drop poker forever or vice versa. This all depends on how you feel about her.

I get sick to my stomach when I'm chatting with my mother about poker, because she has no idea at all what she is talking about, she has fallacious concepts, like quit while your ahead, make a stop loss, it honestly pisses me off, but that is something that I have to deal with.

Some people will never truly understand this great game, they think they do.

They watch television and they watch a no-limit hold'em game and all you see is someone going all in all the time. Then they think that is how the game is played.

[Mike]

I have a friend who is more than good enough to live off of pool or golf if he chose to. He payed his way through college playing nine ball. In the interim he became married.

After graduation his wife told him, he now has a good job and 'hustling' wasn't a life style she approved of and they didn't need the money any longer. That was 18 years ago and they are still happy together. He still enjoys both pool and golf, but it is no longer a central part of his life.

I am guessing my friend didn't have the talk you did before his marriage. He made what for him was a tough decision and doesn't regret it (too often) - but that's him.

I think most women want a guy who goes and does his little job whatever that is and comes home at six o'clock, eats dinner, plays with the kids and watches tv. For most women that is security and happiness.

Playing a lot of poker is being a one percenter. You may either need to change your ways or find a one percenter woman for you both to be happy. Finding that one percenter gf who does things you approve can be pretty tough.

[Redhot_man]

[ QUOTE ]
For those of you who remember, there's a scene in Rounders (what's Rounders? bah..don't bother even reading if you don't know what Rounders is) where Ed Norton and Matt Damon come back to Matt's apartment one night and find out that Matt's girlfriend has left him and cleaned the apartment out. In fact she even made off with his bed sheets.

Guess what? Metaphorically speaking I think my sheets are about to be taken too.

My girlfriend doesn't live with me to say, but does know that I play poker. She knows, but she detests it a lot.

We've talked about it in the past but nothing serious, up until two weeks ago when we had a serious discussion.

Things have been going well for us after 1.5 years and I thought it would be a good time to bring up the subject because it was important for the woman in my life to know about my special "hobby"

Well since the big talk, things have went downhill. She is giving me a lot of cold shoulders, our relationship has been on standby pretty much and needless to say I'm not getting any action.

I tried discussing with her the merits of the game and even tried going into negotiation mode working out a "deal" to play so and so often, but not too much that it would occupy too much of my time or neglect other important aspects around my life.

Nothing worked. In fact she started crying because of she felt we were so different and wanted to break up. At that point I didn't know what to feel. I felt like a bomb had been dropped on me. It came completely unexpected. She really does not like me playing poker.

I know its going to end soon. C'est la vie. I am not giving up this wonderful game I've put so much into for a woman who refuses to even compromise a solution with me and who fail to see how this game benefits me and the people around me.

Lucky for me, I have no problems meeting ladies. But my question is, when is the right time to tell your potentially-significant other about poker. How should I tell her?

Any advice, professional or otherwise much appreciated.

Lawrence [img]/images/graemlins/frown.gif[/img]

[/ QUOTE ]

I think people try way to hard to make relationships work. There are millions of women out there, it is obvious one of them are more suited for you. Move on.

[Redhot_man]

[ QUOTE ]
I have a friend who is more than good enough to live off of pool or golf if he chose to. He payed his way through college playing nine ball. In the interim he became married.

After graduation his wife told him, he now has a good job and 'hustling' wasn't a life style she approved of and they didn't need the money any longer. That was 18 years ago and they are still happy together. He still enjoys both pool and golf, but it is no longer a central part of his life.

I am guessing my friend didn't have the talk you did before his marriage. He made what for him was a tough decision and doesn't regret it (too often) - but that's him.

I think most women want a guy who goes and does his little job whatever that is and comes home at six o'clock, eats dinner, plays with the kids and watches tv. For most women that is security and happiness.

Playing a lot of poker is being a one percenter. You may either need to change your ways or find a one percenter woman for you both to be happy. Finding that one percenter gf who does things you approve can be pretty tough.

[/ QUOTE ]

i never heard of a pool hustler who plays golf, LOL

[onegymrat]

Hi Lawrence,

The tables/chips/dealers/cards/etc. will still be there tomorrow and the day after that. Your girlfriend won't be. If she means something to you, fix it, and the game will wait for you. Good luck.

[Fitz]

I had just the opposite problem with my last girlfriend. She understood poker, and she even liked to play herself. The problem was she also LOVED to find reasons to tap into my bankroll. It seemed she always knew when the bankroll was fat, and then she would miraculously need something. Now that she is gone, the bankroll is much healthier.

As to your problem with your girlfriend. Be honest, and then you have to make a decision. I've found that most people who are that opposed to poker never understand no matter how much we try to educate them.

Worm said it best, "In the poker game of life, women are the rake."

Good luck,

[MRBAA]

Holden -- I'm sure you've gotten the word. Don't pm offers to sell things. Not appreciated dude.

[Mike]

He also taught tennis for a while. He tells me, and people who have played him agree, anything that requires good hand eye coordination he excels at. His golf game is high 60's. He still occasionally plays $5-20 nine ball but only a few games now and then when he's out of town.