Children - what should I do?

[jackdaniels]

My wife and I have been married for about 4 years now, no kids. I'm 31, she is 29. She has always wanted kids but lately has been dropping hints about the possibility of a childless marriage. How do I encourage this attitude without appearing overzealous about the prospect? (I would avoid kids if it was possible to stay with her without them, but would have kids if it meant the marriage was over otherwise). She kinda knows where I stand, but I have always given the impresion that we'll have kids "when the time is right", tying it in to some fincancial goals we have (which we are meeting quite quickly - this is both a blessing and a curse as the kids question may pop up again).

Help me OOT!

[IndieMatty]

I haven't had my coffee yet. But, you don't want kids right? Does she want kids? Is she now saying "maybe we won't have kids?"

I couldn't imagine not wanting to have a child with someone I love. It seems so natural.

[jackdaniels]

Yeah, that's it in a nutshell. Lately she's been doing a lot of talking about how much work it would be, how much freedom she would lose, how scary it is if they have special needs (her cousin had a baby with special needs - this shook her). All in all I think she may be coming around to my line of thinking (let's enjoy all that life has to offer and each others company - we should neither sadle ourselves with responsibility, nor place that responsibility on our kids when we get older).

I'm hoping I can nudge her in that direction.

[IndieMatty]

[ QUOTE ]
Yeah, that's it in a nutshell. Lately she's been doing a lot of talking about how much work it would be, how much freedom she would lose, how scary it is if they have special needs (her cousin had a baby with special needs - this shook her). All in all I think she may be coming around to my line of thinking (let's enjoy all that life has to offer and each others company - we should neither sadle ourselves with responsibility, nor place that responsibility on our kids when we get older).

I'm hoping I can nudge her in that direction.

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The special needs thing freaks me out as well. The correct answer Jack is to be honest and upfront with her, because seriously, this isn't the type of situation where you want to be the least bit deceptive. Come on man...

[coffeecrazy1]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Yeah, that's it in a nutshell. Lately she's been doing a lot of talking about how much work it would be, how much freedom she would lose, how scary it is if they have special needs (her cousin had a baby with special needs - this shook her). All in all I think she may be coming around to my line of thinking (let's enjoy all that life has to offer and each others company - we should neither sadle ourselves with responsibility, nor place that responsibility on our kids when we get older).

I'm hoping I can nudge her in that direction.

[/ QUOTE ]

The special needs thing freaks me out as well. The correct answer Jack is to be honest and upfront with her, because seriously, this isn't the type of situation where you want to be the least bit deceptive. Come on man...

[/ QUOTE ]

I was thinking the same thing(despite being unmarried and childless). Is honesty not a good policy here? I would hope you could be upfront with your wife, especially after 4 years of marriage...I'm hoping you don't still have things to hide.

If you're scared, tell her that. If you're wanting to stay like you are, then tell her that. She may not like your answers. She may want you two to go to counseling(if she's hellbent on having kids). But, at least you would be making progress.

I dunno...maybe this is the wrong play...it's not like I'm any good with women, or kids, for that matter(independent almost-only child(brother is much older)).

[ChipWrecked]

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(let's enjoy all that life has to offer and each others company - we should neither sadle ourselves with responsibility, nor place that responsibility on our kids when we get older).


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You have no idea how much you will enjoy life when you watch your kid explore his/her new world. Speaking as someone with eyebags to his jaw line.

[diebitter]

Captain Obvious prediction: She's sounding you out. You'll have em, and will cave within 6 months. You won't regret it, in the end. You'll be very glad you did, in fact.

[MaxPower]

[ QUOTE ]
Captain Obvious prediction: She's sounding you out. You'll have em, and will cave within 6 months. You won't regret it, in the end. You'll be very glad you did, in fact.

[/ QUOTE ]

I agree. If she didn't want to have kids she would already know and she would have discussed it with you already.

The fact that she is even discussing it means that she is considering having a baby.

There are a lot of web pages and newsgroups for people who want to live childfree and I have looked at some of them. There are two camps, those that have made a personal decision not to have children, and those that despise children and parents. While I respect the former group, I think the latter group are mostly insane.

[ChipWrecked]

I waited until 40 to pop my first child. Now, I love her so much I'm almost worried that if we have another I won't love him enough. (him. heh.)

[Shajen]

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I waited until 40 to pop my first child. Now, I love her so much I'm almost worried that if we have another I won't love him enough. (him. heh.)

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I'm not a father (that I know of), but I think you'll be fine dude.

[img]/images/graemlins/wink.gif[/img]

To the OP:

If you really don't want to have kids, you need to get together a mental list of reasons you don't (and they'll need to be good) and present them to her during a discussion of this issue.

If your reasons are lame, maybe you need to re-evaluate? (i'm not saying they are) The idea of having kids is scary to me, I mean, I feel like a kid myself, you know? But I imagine I will, when the time is right. There's no rush either, she's young and so are you. Give it time.