Growing up fatherless leads to self defeating personality?

[Ipodkid]

Grew up in a single parent home with an abusive mother, who to this day claims she never hit me...funny HRS removed me from home at 15 with black eyes...anyhow I am 26 now own my own company, have nice things and enough money to make most people happy. The thing is every time something goes good in my life I seem to find away to ruin it. Example...I make 13k commision in a month with my business and I lose 10k in a night in bodogs casino (i dont really even like gambling, but having all that money made me want to lose it) I meet a girl I love, and I do everything to push her away...think good will hunting Will's attachment issues. I used to play football it was a good outlit for my anger etc, but like most I didnt play college ball and have gained about 140lbs since high school. I literally am eating myself to death every day and often wonder if its my own way to committ suicide without everyone knowing thats what I did. I only ask this as my feet fall asleep about every hour now and I think im getting diabetes...what causes someone who has so much to hate themselves and want to ruin it?

Same here.

My father was in the house but he was there only for himself not the family. My mother hits me too because of my father.

Whenever things get good I have this anxious feeling up my chest, then I will try to ruin everything, careers, relationships, finance, you name it.

I married a great girl, acted out my past, hit her and got her to divorce me.

My son is now growing up without a father. I try to visit him as much as I can every two weeks, I am living in another state, don’t think it helps much, he will probably grow up to be the same as me or my father.

If you guys are serious, I would recommend seeking help in the form of cognitive therapy from a psychologist.

[SNOWBALL138]

Please take some of your commission winnings and "lose them" at the therapist's office. A psychiatrist and a personal trainer may also be good prospective ways for you to "lose" your money.

Forgot to mention. The pits healed me and taught me everything about life. Like Tommy Angelo folding AA kinda thing.

Bright and Snowball have the right idea. You should talk to a psychologist or psychiatrist immediately. It sounds like you have alot to get off your chest.

Try some healthy ways of building self esteem as well. Do some volunteer work or donate money to charity. Helping others might help you feel more like you deserve your success.

You should also talk to a general physician about the complications that can come from compulsive eating. Diabetes, heart attack, and stroke are all serious concerns if you are putting on weight rapidly.

Exercise can help alot too by burning calories and releasing endorphines. Choose something that is fun for you so you will be likely to stick with it. If you liked the agressive factors of football, then possibly kick boxing or karate would be better than jogging or sit ups.

I hope everything works out.
Shy

Do what the guys recommend.

If it doesn't work....there is a second way....going through the eye of hell, explained nicely by Lash:

http://forumserver.twoplustwo.com/sh...t=all&vc=1

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You know what bro… I’m going to give you personal advice from personal experience. So don’t automatically take my post as a “dis”… seriously absorb what I’m saying.

Trust me, this works… the only thing that matters is if you are “man” enough to stomach the whole process and continue living the “happy” life of a poker player / gambling dood. If I had not experienced this process first hand, I’d never be playing poker for a living and would probably be an educated business / family man making 6 figures worrying about the dog and planning my retirement… but no…I’m a self made righteous free thinker… YEAH Baby!

-Borrow every penny you can from every one willing to lend you money. Go buy some drugs… not just any drugs, really good drugs, and preferably ones that are not physically addictive, because even with a mind as strong as yours, you may not be able to get off of those.

Anyway, take all the drugs… this will dull your wits and inhibitions…go gamble all the money you have borrowed… keep gambling till you lose it – Every penny

Now at this point you should be completely broke and in more debt than you could have ever imagined yourself in. You will also be coming down off of an insane trip spiraling uncontrollably into a reality that is even worse than you remember it being. It will be surreal, but at the same time… your strong mind and understanding of the universe should allow you to overcome all obstacles in your path right !? Except the pit on the way to the poker room, but nobody’s perfect…

Then try to rebuild your sanity, credit, meaningful relationships, and never existent bankroll back up in the hopes that you have somehow stumbled across the answers to spiritual growth and the meaning of life without the assistance of conventional religion or philosophy all the while isolating yourself from everyone who ever gave a damn about you.

Hey, at least you are a winning poker player.

I look forward to meeting you in the winners circle soon!


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[Mister Z]

You guys should seek therapy in any way possible - group and/or one on one. You need to look for ways in your life to reverse this cycle of negativity - exercise, do something nice for somebody, read a book or visit a website on spirituality, get involved in a church, stay in touch with friends and family if possible, etc. You can't stay neutral when it comes to this sort of thing in life - either you're moving forward or moving backward. Try to be in contact with others who have been through the same sort of circumstances in life and find out how they have dealt with them. Good luck to both of you! [img]/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img]