Adultery IS a Sin

[David Sklansky]

Not actually a sin, since I don't know what that means. And not all adultery either. But unadmitted adultery behind your spouses's back is totally wrong unless it has been previously acquiesced to. (Regardless of what some psychologists might say.)

In spite of the qualifications above, what is left is the great majority of adultery cases. One spouse cheats on the other without ever telling him or her and without permission to do it or to not tell. (Sometimes a spouse will not give permission but will offer grudging acceptance along with the request NOT to be told. Yet another exception to what I'm talking about.)

One scenario, however that is not an exception, is a cheating spouse who stops cheating and decides, with or without "professional" guidance, that he or she should not confess. The idea being that nothing is accomplished by telling the spouse since he or she will now be a good little boy or girl.

The reason the above scenario is clearly unethical, EVEN if it increases the chances of saving the marriage, is that the wronged spouse might want to get a divorce and the adulterer has no right to force his spouse to stay in a marriage that would otherwise be ended.

Even if the adulterer believed that if, on their fiftieth anniversary, there is a ninety percent chance that the spouse upon finally being told about the cheating would forgive. And say she was glad the marriage survived. And perhaps even admit that it migh not have, had she been told, the aduterer had no right to deprive her of the information since there was a ten percent chance that he kept her from deciding to go on to a better life.

In other words since there will always be a chance that the wronged person would, years later, upon being told, say "that makes me not want to be married to you, even now. Meanwhile you stole years from my life by waiting to tell me" the adulterer has no right to take that chance. And as far as never telling at all, I say it is wrong to ever indefintely withhold information from your spouse that could reasonably be used by him or her to decide that you shouldn't be together (unless you have agreed otherwise).

Notice by the way that this post had nothing to do with sex.

[Trantor]

I really think you have lost the plot on this one! I assume from your previous posts that you don't believe in any absolute moral code but certain actions (as you exemplified) are, you say, "clearly unethical" apparantly just because your personal moral code says so ( you don't give any other source for this moral code you are expousing)! No God-given absolutes just the Sklansky given absolutes, it seems!

[Trantor]

[ QUOTE ]


Notice by the way that this post had nothing to do with sex.

[/ QUOTE ]

You lost me now! Seems like a bit a troll point but I've bitten! How can a post on adultery not have anything to do with sex? Or are you just saying sex is not the motivation for the post (ie your partner hasn't just committed adultery and you are pissed at just finding out!)

[David Sklansky]

"No God-given absolutes just the Sklansky given absolutes, it seems!"

Nah. I'm using everyday ethics that almost everybody agrees with. It would be more obvious if I titled the post, "The Real Reason Adultery is Totally Unacceptable".

[Trantor]

[ QUOTE ]


In other words since there will always be a chance that the wronged person would, years later, upon being told, say "that makes me not want to be married to you, even now. Meanwhile you stole years from my life by waiting to tell me" the adulterer has no right to take that chance. And as far as never telling at all, I say it is wrong to ever indefintely withhold information from your spouse that could reasonably be used by him or her to decide that you shouldn't be together (unless you have agreed otherwise).


[/ QUOTE ]

What total, utter nonsense (IMHO)(the bit about it being wrong to withhold such information).

[andyfox]

"the wronged spouse might want to get a divorce and the adulterer has no right to force his spouse to stay in a marriage that would otherwise be ended."

A "wronged" spouse might want to get a divorce if they found out that the other spouse had thoughts of committing adultery. Or if they called a 911 number. Or if they said they were on their way home immediately, but instead stopped off for a beer. Or a few hands of poker. Or if they sent a donation to Bill Frist.

Meanwhile, by not knowing these things, the couple stayed together and, instead of their children coming from a broken home with all the resultant deleterious consequences, raised a family where the children had two parents, and they all went to work for Habitat for Humanity.

So I guess I'm asking if it's a sin to not have complete and total honesty between two spouses. Or is it a greater sin to jeopardize an otherwise wonderful relationship, which has benefits for all parties involved, for the sake of admitting to one sin/mistake.

[David Sklansky]

"What total, utter nonsense (IMHO)(the bit about it being wrong to withhold such information)."

Do you realize what you are saying? You ask your wife if there is anything about her that you don't know, that might make you change your mind about not divorcing her. You think it is OK for her to say no when that isn't the true answer? Don't forget that I stipulated that you are not one of those who said that they don't want to know.

[David Sklansky]

By the way, I am going to admit uncharacteristicly early that I chose this subject because like religion, some people, will FRANTICALLY try to come up with logical refutations for reasons that have more to do with what they want to be true then what is objectively true.

[Trantor]

[ QUOTE ]
"What total, utter nonsense (IMHO)(the bit about it being wrong to withhold such information)."

Do you realize what you are saying? You ask your wife if there is anything about her that you don't know, that might make you change your mind about not divorcing her. You think it is OK for her to say no when that isn't the true answer? Don't forget that I stipulated that you are not one of those who said that they don't want to know.

[/ QUOTE ]

This is the converse of your original post. You talked about saying thimgs that would pricipitate a divorce not change the mind of a spouse wanting a divorce. Quote:

In other words since there will always be a chance that the wronged person would, years later, upon being told, say "that makes me not want to be married to you, even now. Meanwhile you stole years from my life by waiting to tell me" the adulterer has no right to take that chance. And as far as never telling at all, I say it is wrong to ever indefintely withhold information from your spouse that could reasonably be used by him or her to decide that you shouldn't be together (unless you have agreed otherwise).
endquote.

Sorry if I missed another point but the just-quoted point is the one I consider nonsense.

[MMMMMM]

I agree with this and think it is very wrong for either party in an agreed-upon monogamous relationship to ever cheat on the other. Personally if I ever find the woman of my dreams (and if she ever finds me, which might be the harder part;-)) I would never even consider it.