*Official Contest: Question David Sklansky*

[asofel]

As mentioned here by Mat Sklansky, for the right to ask David Sklansky any 3 questions:

What's the most outlandish thing you've ever done? (proof required)

[Mat Sklansky]

This is a legitimate contest. Ultimately the winner will be determined by poll, but the criteria is degree of outlandishness/ humor. And proper justifcation.

Winner can ask David Sklansky three question which he must answer. Topics can include poker.

[morgan180]

what type of outlandish are we looking for here? i mean debauchery outlandish? career outlandish? sexual exploits outlandish? stupidity outlandish?? or any and all?

[asofel]

[ QUOTE ]
what type of outlandish are we looking for here? i mean debauchery outlandish? career outlandish? sexual exploits outlandish? stupidity outlandish?? or any and all?

[/ QUOTE ]

Any and all has to be the answer, and Mat gave a good example in the referenced thread.

[Mat Sklansky]

This contest criteria doesn't seem to work. Let's change it to a limerick contest. I ask only that you compose your limericks without excessive profanity.

To learn about limericks

[asofel]

[ QUOTE ]
This contest criteria doesn't seem to work. Let's change it to a limerick contest. I ask only that you compose your limericks without excessive profanity.

To learn about limericks

[/ QUOTE ]

I'm surprised everyone got all quiet...some trip reports could have qualified....but oh well...

[Wes ManTooth]

The will be goooood

[astroglide]

this one will be long and i'm not sure if it will be very good, but give it a shot. it's a story about me doing drugs and getting fired. *** ok i've typed the whole thing out now and i don't think i'm a very good written storyteller but i hope it at least entertains somebody, maybe with a perspective on me that they wouldn't have predicted. ***

i was probably 17 years old and i was employed by quiktrip. i also travelled a lot for parties and did a lot of acid. on friday i went to a party, took a hit of acid, and didn't sleep. on saturday a friend and i went to chicago to go to a party. he drove.

we showed up, assessed the situation, and took 2 hits of acid. the police promptly arrived and kicked everybody out. we were temporarily relocated to some kind of sewage treatment type place (outside of it) with swarms of mosquitoes everywhere. people were trying to figure out where to continue and that sort of thing. somebody in the parking lot was passing around a bottle of vitamin C to enhance acid. when it got to us my friend took some and passed it to me. i shrugged and laughed and took some too, and then he showed me two more hits on his tongue. in an equally retarded lapse of judgement i laughed at it and took 2 more hits.

at this point insects were swarming everywhere and we had to hide in the car. the group drove to hardee's to reconvene somewhere without invasion. some of them went in to eat, and the rest kind of fizzled out. so there we were outside of chicago at like 4AM, about to get nuked on acid, and with nowhere to go. we decided to try to drive home.

we made it down the highway home in about 4 hours without incident. we didn't talk to each other at all, and both of us were extremely nervous (and screwed up obviously). i'm not really sure what i make of how i felt in the car or what happened and this point, but i was hosed and i'm sure he was too. the good news was that he was a veteran acid driver, and he had slept through the last night instead of going out so he was in better shape than me. we followed a frito-lay truck most of the way home on the highway and about an hour after arriving while talking in his apartment my friend blurted out when other friends asked how we got back alive, "does it seem like we followed a bag of potato chips home?" because he didn't recall the specifics of it.

so i had to go to work after that at quiktrip, and this is where the actual story begins.

i show up and i'm still coming down off of the acid. for those who don't know, it's basically impossible to sleep while you're under its effects. it's not a desire or something you could do no matter how badly you wanted it. it's as if you no longer need to. i knew i was going to get hard by my rough weekend and decided to plan ahead. i took a bottle of no-doz from the shelves and popped a couple.

there are routines for what needs to be done there so i got off a little easy at first, stocking coolers and cigarettes (which were out in the open where the candy aisles are now). the acid wore off more, and i was beginning to feel a weight pulling me down into fatigue of some sort. i had to work the registers. i put some ice and coffee in a squart container and put it in the ice cream freezer. i did the routine for a while but we're up on a slight platform in a box. i was screwed and tired, i felt like i was floating. and all the prices in the store had to be memorized and change calculated in your head. a lot of people come in for papers on sunday.

i forced my way through a lot of it but i confessed that i "hadn't slept much the night before" to an assistant manager and requested to do other stuff. he got frustrated, declined, and told me to keep working. i did for a while but i just couldn't take it. i asked for a break and got one.

so i went back to the ice cream freezer. behind the gatorade aisles built into the wall there is a refrigerator. it's pretty cold back there, and if you're working a lot you wear a standard jacket that's hanging up. past that is the freezer, and if you're in there for any amount of time you're going to get super cold so you do the jacket and gloves.

i went into the freezer wearing the jacket and gloves, preparing to shotgun my quart of cold coffee and maybe take some more pills (but i wasn't hot on the pills idea because i was really pressing my luck). i was literally dying of fatigue and i was having trouble remaning concious.

as i was preparing to drink, i realized that the cold was "waking me up". i removed the gloves and jacket. it was really invigorating. i took some sips of the nasty water coffee but the cold was REALLY working. in a stroke of genius i took off my shoes, and then took off my khakis. so i'm in an ice cream cooler in my boxers drinking cold coffee out of a plastic bottle.

in retail you do something called "facing shelves", which is taking products and facing their labels toward the customer as well as stocking them and pulling them forward. you know, so you have a neat wall of clearly-labeled product. the manager had apparently decided to do some facing, and specifically of the ice cream. the fridge opens. i'm not that concerned because i've got a wall of ice cream in front of me, but an entire row at crotch level gets brushed and i hear my general manager yell WHAT THE [censored] IS GOING ON IN THERE? i scramble to put my clothes back on.

the assistant manager was running the overnight/afternoon shift and the general manager was crossing into the afternoon/evening shift, so he showed up. i don't know when, i hadn't noticed him though. i thought i was safe because the assistant (the only manager on duty) had been running the register for me.

he's already in the gatorade area fridge by the time i open the freezer door, and is a mix of confused and angry but it's definitely leaning more toward confused. he starts yelling and i explain that i hadn't slept and that the cold was keeping me awake. he told me he didn't know what was wrong with me or what was going on but he was going to talk to the assistant about my performance and figure out what the hell happened.

we came out to the main area and they conferred and decided i should be suspended, at this point i'm sure they were suspecting drugs. they told me to stock the beer cooler and then go home (lucky for me i lived about 1/4 mile away and rode a bike or walked to work). so i'm dejected and still horrifically tired and i didn't even get much coffee but i go to stock the beer fridge. i do one lap, go back for another, and at this point i can barely stand up.

i grab another load of beer and put it on the dolly. i've got to get it from the back, bring it through the store, and back through some doors to the beer cooler on the other side. as i'm making my way past the cigarette aisles, i basically go black and wipe out. the cart goes down. i go down. right into the cigarette aisles. with customers around and knock tons of packs everywhere. as i'm trying to pick myself and the beer up i instantly get fired and head straight for the door to walk home, to the choral shock and disapproving shakes of my coworkers and customers. then i'm told my bike is in the back, so i have to walk through that again, grab my neon green bicycle, and make a second exit.

i guess i can't prove how i was fired, but i can certainly prove i worked there at that time period simply by recounting tasks and policies and that sort of thing.

[astroglide]

and now that i've typed it out there's not even a contest! oh well.

[Patrick del Poker Grande]

[ QUOTE ]
this one will be long and i'm not sure if it will be very good, but give it a shot. it's a story about me doing drugs and getting fired. *** ok i've typed the whole thing out now and i don't think i'm a very good written storyteller but i hope it at least entertains somebody, maybe with a perspective on me that they wouldn't have predicted. ***

i was probably 17 years old and i was employed by quiktrip. i also travelled a lot for parties and did a lot of acid. on friday i went to a party, took a hit of acid, and didn't sleep. on saturday a friend and i went to chicago to go to a party. he drove.

we showed up, assessed the situation, and took 2 hits of acid. the police promptly arrived and kicked everybody out. we were temporarily relocated to some kind of sewage treatment type place (outside of it) with swarms of mosquitoes everywhere. people were trying to figure out where to continue and that sort of thing. somebody in the parking lot was passing around a bottle of vitamin C to enhance acid. when it got to us my friend took some and passed it to me. i shrugged and laughed and took some too, and then he showed me two more hits on his tongue. in an equally retarded lapse of judgement i laughed at it and took 2 more hits.

at this point insects were swarming everywhere and we had to hide in the car. the group drove to hardee's to reconvene somewhere without invasion. some of them went in to eat, and the rest kind of fizzled out. so there we were outside of chicago at like 4AM, about to get nuked on acid, and with nowhere to go. we decided to try to drive home.

we made it down the highway home in about 4 hours without incident. we didn't talk to each other at all, and both of us were extremely nervous (and screwed up obviously). i'm not really sure what i make of how i felt in the car or what happened and this point, but i was hosed and i'm sure he was too. the good news was that he was a veteran acid driver, and he had slept through the last night instead of going out so he was in better shape than me. we followed a frito-lay truck most of the way home on the highway and about an hour after arriving while talking in his apartment my friend blurted out when other friends asked how we got back alive, "does it seem like we followed a bag of potato chips home?" because he didn't recall the specifics of it.

so i had to go to work after that at quiktrip, and this is where the actual story begins.

i show up and i'm still coming down off of the acid. for those who don't know, it's basically impossible to sleep while you're under its effects. it's not a desire or something you could do no matter how badly you wanted it. it's as if you no longer need to. i knew i was going to get hard by my rough weekend and decided to plan ahead. i took a bottle of no-doz from the shelves and popped a couple.

there are routines for what needs to be done there so i got off a little easy at first, stocking coolers and cigarettes (which were out in the open where the candy aisles are now). the acid wore off more, and i was beginning to feel a weight pulling me down into fatigue of some sort. i had to work the registers. i put some ice and coffee in a squart container and put it in the ice cream freezer. i did the routine for a while but we're up on a slight platform in a box. i was screwed and tired, i felt like i was floating. and all the prices in the store had to be memorized and change calculated in your head. a lot of people come in for papers on sunday.

i forced my way through a lot of it but i confessed that i "hadn't slept much the night before" to an assistant manager and requested to do other stuff. he got frustrated, declined, and told me to keep working. i did for a while but i just couldn't take it. i asked for a break and got one.

so i went back to the ice cream freezer. behind the gatorade aisles built into the wall there is a refrigerator. it's pretty cold back there, and if you're working a lot you wear a standard jacket that's hanging up. past that is the freezer, and if you're in there for any amount of time you're going to get super cold so you do the jacket and gloves.

i went into the freezer wearing the jacket and gloves, preparing to shotgun my quart of cold coffee and maybe take some more pills (but i wasn't hot on the pills idea because i was really pressing my luck). i was literally dying of fatigue and i was having trouble remaning concious.

as i was preparing to drink, i realized that the cold was "waking me up". i removed the gloves and jacket. it was really invigorating. i took some sips of the nasty water coffee but the cold was REALLY working. in a stroke of genius i took off my shoes, and then took off my khakis. so i'm in an ice cream cooler in my boxers drinking cold coffee out of a plastic bottle.

in retail you do something called "facing shelves", which is taking products and facing their labels toward the customer as well as stocking them and pulling them forward. you know, so you have a neat wall of clearly-labeled product. the manager had apparently decided to do some facing, and specifically of the ice cream. the fridge opens. i'm not that concerned because i've got a wall of ice cream in front of me, but an entire row at crotch level gets brushed and i hear my general manager yell WHAT THE [censored] IS GOING ON IN THERE? i scramble to put my clothes back on.

the assistant manager was running the overnight/afternoon shift and the general manager was crossing into the afternoon/evening shift, so he showed up. i don't know when, i hadn't noticed him though. i thought i was safe because the assistant (the only manager on duty) had been running the register for me.

he's already in the gatorade area fridge by the time i open the freezer door, and is a mix of confused and angry but it's definitely leaning more toward confused. he starts yelling and i explain that i hadn't slept and that the cold was keeping me awake. he told me he didn't know what was wrong with me or what was going on but he was going to talk to the assistant about my performance and figure out what the hell happened.

we came out to the main area and they conferred and decided i should be suspended, at this point i'm sure they were suspecting drugs. they told me to stock the beer cooler and then go home (lucky for me i lived about 1/4 mile away and rode a bike or walked to work). so i'm dejected and still horrifically tired and i didn't even get much coffee but i go to stock the beer fridge. i do one lap, go back for another, and at this point i can barely stand up.

i grab another load of beer and put it on the dolly. i've got to get it from the back, bring it through the store, and back through some doors to the beer cooler on the other side. as i'm making my way past the cigarette aisles, i basically go black and wipe out. the cart goes down. i go down. right into the cigarette aisles. with customers around and knock tons of packs everywhere. as i'm trying to pick myself and the beer up i instantly get fired and head straight for the door to walk home, to the choral shock and disapproving shakes of my coworkers and customers. then i'm told my bike is in the back, so i have to walk through that again, grab my neon green bicycle, and make a second exit.

i guess i can't prove how i was fired, but i can certainly prove i worked there at that time period simply by recounting tasks and policies and that sort of thing.

[/ QUOTE ]
I have no idea what this says. I just wanted to quote this before Astro found out the contest was changed and edited it out.