The right thing to do? (long)

[DarrenX]

I usually post in the MTT and SNG forums, but I've seen similar stories looking for advice here and figured this one was most appropriate for this forum. If it's not appropriate, just ignore and it'll go away:

Long story short, my buddy left his duffel bag in my car on Friday. Since there was nothing in the bag that couldn't do without until Monday, I figured I'd drop it off then, since he lives 40 miles away from me, but is on my way to work.

At 8am I entered the code needed to get into his apartment complex, and got to his personal door- at that point I realized I didn't have the key to his place, so I knocked on the door and left the bag. I knew he'd be sleeping since he plays poker for a living and typically is getting to sleep around 5am, so when I got back to my car I called him (it rang 6 times and he has a phone in his bedroom) and left a message stating that the bag was next to his door but I couldn't get in.

Well, my buddy calls me at 11:30 telling me he just woke up checked for his bag, and of course it was gone. I'd estimate there was probably $200-300 worth of clothes/miscellaneous toiletries in there. He's pissed and asks how I could have left the bag out in the hall. I tell him I'm sorry and to let me know how much the contents were worth and I'd pay for it.

I guess my questions are:

1) How irresponsible was it that I left his bag out in his apartment hall?

2) Should I be responsible for all the costs? I honestly don't care about the $$$, but I more care about what's the fair/right thing to do.

Any opinions are appreciated.

[TomCollins]

If he told you to leave it in the hall since he didn't want to wake up, its on him. If you leave something in a place where its pretty obvious anyone can mess with, I'd say its pretty stupid you did this, and probably should hook him up.

Sounds to me you just needed a better plan (sounds like you had none) to make the drop. If anything, he should have come to YOU and get it. You were doing him a favor, but it just seems pretty dumb leaving a bag outside for anyone to take.

[DarrenX]

[ QUOTE ]
If he told you to leave it in the hall since he didn't want to wake up, its on him. If you leave something in a place where its pretty obvious anyone can mess with, I'd say its pretty stupid you did this, and probably should hook him up.

Sounds to me you just needed a better plan (sounds like you had none) to make the drop. If anything, he should have come to YOU and get it. You were doing him a favor, but it just seems pretty dumb leaving a bag outside for anyone to take.

[/ QUOTE ]

Thanks for the response. For clarification's sake:

a) I left it next to his personal door in an apartment complex that no one that doesn't live there can get into without knowing someone who lives in the building, or lives there themselves. I'd say this is much different than leaving it outside the apartment complex or even in a common area where anyone walking on the street can mess with it.

b) as far as him coming to get it, it's not an option as he doesn't have a license at this point.

[Pepsquad]

Your buddies upset. That alone would be reason enough to go ahead and reimburse him. And the only reason the items were lost is because you left them in a place where they COULD be stolen. If I were you, I'd take full blame for this and be done with it.

[octop]

This really is your fault
Just because you are doing him a favor does not mean you are not responsible
I'm sure he does favors for you as well

[DarrenX]

[ QUOTE ]
This really is your fault
Just because you are doing him a favor does not mean you are not responsible
I'm sure he does favors for you as well

[/ QUOTE ]

Thanks for the response. I think in the end I realize I messed up. What bothers me is related to your statement about him doing me favors. The thing is, he's definitely a friend in need, and has been so for the past 18 months and will be for the next 18 due to a second DUI and no license for 3 years. I drive him everywhere, which is not always convenient considering we're 40 miles apart. Not once has he offered to pitch in for gas/tolls. If I didn't take him places and get him out of the house, he'd probably sit in his apartment 6-7 days a week, as he was laid off of work a couple years ago and has been playing internet poker ever since.

Additionally, if he was thinking he could have gotten his bag back Friday night and avoided all this. It's not that he ever does anything maliciously, but he'll wait for other people to fix things (or have them fix themselves) before making any effort.

All this being said, he's a good friend/drinking buddy/poker buddy... I just hope he takes other things into consideration when tallying up the total. Based on the background here, is it unreasonable to want him to split the loss 50/50?

[VoraciousReader]

[ QUOTE ]

Thanks for the response. I think in the end I realize I messed up. What bothers me is related to your statement about him doing me favors. The thing is, he's definitely a friend in need, and has been so for the past 18 months and will be for the next 18 due to a second DUI and no license for 3 years. I drive him everywhere, which is not always convenient considering we're 40 miles apart. Not once has he offered to pitch in for gas/tolls. If I didn't take him places and get him out of the house, he'd probably sit in his apartment 6-7 days a week, as he was laid off of work a couple years ago and has been playing internet poker ever since.

Additionally, if he was thinking he could have gotten his bag back Friday night and avoided all this. It's not that he ever does anything maliciously, but he'll wait for other people to fix things (or have them fix themselves) before making any effort.

All this being said, he's a good friend/drinking buddy/poker buddy... I just hope he takes other things into consideration when tallying up the total. Based on the background here, is it unreasonable to want him to split the loss 50/50?

[/ QUOTE ]

So what you're really saying is that you didn't really mean this:

[ QUOTE ]
I honestly don't care about the $$$, but I more care about what's the fair/right thing to do.


[/ QUOTE ]

It's ok. People say things they don't mean all the time. (JK, I know it's not really all about the money.)

Seriously, sounds like you feel taken advantage of by your friend and have for a while. And that's reasonable, but you need to broach that as a separate issue from you leaving his stuff by the door. You are responsible for that and need to reimburse him in full.

After that has been settled between you, you need to say hey, gas is high right now, can we make some kind of arrangement for all the riding around? Seriously, do it now while you still like the guy.

My $.02.

[DarrenX]

Thanks for the response- I know you're somewhat kidding about the $$$ comment, but as an outsider not inside my head, I can totally see why people would say that.

What I don't want to do is get into a situation where I say, "well, I drove through two tolls and 60 additional miles round-trip to get you and drop you off, so you owe $8.48 for this trip, multiplied by 84 trips in the past 18 months, so make sure to subtract that off of what the cost was of your bag and belongings, so HEY, you actually owe me $475!! How about a, "you do a lot and I appreciate it, AND this could have been avoided if I would have thought things through (aka getting his bag Friday intead of making it my responsibility), so if you just give me $ for my favorite jeans that were taken and we'll call it even." I just see this as an opportunity for him to pay something back, and if he doesn't take it, I WILL feel taken advantage of. [img]/images/graemlins/tongue.gif[/img]

[Piemaster]

Okay, how about this

You wait until he has calmed down, and then ask him what he thinks would be fair. It may be that he is not interested in a cash reimbursement he just wanted to vent his short term frustration. If he says that you should pay for everything in the bag then do so without argument, but from now on start to ask for cash for the things you do for him. Not in a malicious way, but maybe the next time he asks if you want to go out, say something like:

'Sure. I guess it's your turn to pay for gas this time'

And see how he responds

[vexvelour]

You're a good friend. Tell him chit happens and you've got his back on the duffel bag. I think perhaps later that day and completely unrelated to the duffel bag incident should you bring up the gas money, or he may think you're trying to get the money you just gave him back. Since you don't seem like it bothers you too much to drive, I'd say something to the effect of "Hey man, I really don't mind getting you out of your house but I'm going broke over gas prices, can I get a few bucks?" and hopefully that will cue him to start offering since you're being such a nice guy about it.