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HOW TO POOP AT WORK(or any public place)


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livefishy
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Joined: Mar 31, 2005
Posts: 85
Location: Indpls,Ind

PostPosted: Mon Apr 11, 2005 2:04 am Post subject: HOW TO POOP AT WORK(or any public place) Reply with quote
we've all been there but dont like to admit it. we've all kicked back in our cubicles and suddenly felt something brewing down below. as much as we try to convince ourselves otherwise,the WORKPOOP is inevitable. for those who hate pooping at work, following is the survival guide to taking a dump at work.

CROP DUSTING- when farting,you walk really fast around the office so the smell is not in your area and everyone else gets a whiff but doesnt know where it came from,be careful when you do this. do not stop until the full fart has been expelled. walk an extra 30 feet to make sure the smell has left your pants.

FLY BY- the act of scouting out a bathroom before pooping. walk in and check for other poopers. if there are others in the bathroom,leave and come backagain. be careful not to become a FREQUENT FLYER. people may become suspicious if they catch you constantly going into the bathroom.

ESCAPEE- a fart that slips out while taking a leak at the urinal or forcing a poop in a stall. this is usually accompanied by a sudden wave of embarrassment. if you release a escapee, do not acknowledge it. pretend it did not happen. if you are standing next to the farter in the urinal, pretend you did not hear it.no one likes an escapee. it is uncomfortable for all involved. making a joke or laughing makes both parties feel uneasy.

JAILBREAK- when forcing a poop,several farts slip out like a machine gun.this is usually a side effect of diarrhea or a hangover. if this should happen,do not panic.remain in the stall until everyone has left the bathroom to spare everyone the awkwardness of what just occured.

COURTESY FLUSH- the act of flushing the toilet the instant the poop hits the water. this reduces the amount of air time the poop has to stink up the bathroom.this can help you avoid being caught doing the WALK OF SHAME.

WALK OF SHAME- walking from the stall,to the sink,then to the door after you have just stunk up the bathroom. this can be a very uncomfortable moment if someone walks in and busts you out. as with farts,it is best to pretend that the smell does not exist. can be avoided with the use of the COURTESY FLUSH.

OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPER(O.O.T.C.P) a colleague who poops at work and is dam proud of it. you will often see an O.O.T.C.P. enter the bathroom with a newspaper or magazine under their arm. always look around the office for the O.O.T.C.P. before entering the bathroom.

THE POOPING FRIENDS NETWORK(P.F.N.)a group of co-workers who band together to ensure emergency pooping goes off without incident. this group can help you to monitor the whereabouts of O.O.T.C.P."s and identify SAFE HAVENS.

SAFE HAVENS.- a seldom used bathroom somewhere in the building where you can least expect visitors. try floors that are predominately of the opposite sex. this will reduce the odds of a pooper of yourr sex entering the bathroom.

TURD BURGLAR- someone who does not realize that you are in a stall and tries to force the door open. this is one of the most shocking and vulnerable moments that can occur when taking a poop at work. if this occurs,remain in the stall until the TURD BURGLAR leaves. this way you will avoid all uncomfortable eye contact.

WATERMELON- a poop that creates a loud splash when hitting the toilet water. this is also an embarrasing incident. if you feel a WATERMELON coming on while someone else is in the bathroom. create a diversion. see
CAMO-COUGH

CAMO-COUGH a phony cough that alerts all new entrants into the bathroom that you are in a stall. this can be used to cover up a WATERMELON, or to alert potential TURD BURGLARS. very effictive when used in conjuction with an ASAIRE.

ASTAIRE- a subtle toe tap that is also used to alert potential TURD BURGLARS that you are occupying a stall. this will remove all doubt that the stall is occupied if you hear an ASTAIRE,leave the bathroom immediatley so the pooper can poop in peace.

HAVANA OMELET a case of diarrhea that creates a series of loud splashes in the toilet water. often accompanied by an ESCAPEE. try using CAMO-COUGH in conjuction with an ASTAIRE.

UNCLE TED a bathroom user who seems to linger around forever. could spend extended lengths of time in front of the mirror or sitting on the pot. an UNCLE TED makes it difficult to relax while on the crapper,as you should always wait to poop when the bathroom is empty. this benefits you as well as other bathroom attendees Rolling Eyes


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cth
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Joined: Nov 15, 2004
Posts: 104


PostPosted: Mon Apr 11, 2005 2:17 am Post subject: Reply with quote
uhh...what the [censored]?
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David5131
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Joined: Dec 30, 2004
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PostPosted: Mon Apr 11, 2005 2:23 am Post subject: Reply with quote
hahaha, good stuff
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livefishy
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Joined: Mar 31, 2005
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Location: Indpls,Ind

PostPosted: Mon Apr 11, 2005 2:24 am Post subject: HEHE Reply with quote
you dont like my survival guide to poop properly at work lol
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livefishy
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Joined: Mar 31, 2005
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PostPosted: Mon Apr 11, 2005 2:24 am Post subject: lol Reply with quote
whats wrong
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Slim1988
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Joined: Jul 31, 2004
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PostPosted: Mon Apr 11, 2005 4:20 am Post subject: Reply with quote
It's official........I HATE YOU Evil or Very Mad
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livefishy
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PostPosted: Mon Apr 11, 2005 4:29 am Post subject: why slim Reply with quote
what did i do to you lol geeez
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icfishies
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Joined: Mar 22, 2005
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PostPosted: Mon Apr 11, 2005 4:33 am Post subject: Reply with quote
This is exactly the kind of quality info that people will join nwp for
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livefishy
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Joined: Mar 31, 2005
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PostPosted: Mon Apr 11, 2005 4:55 am Post subject: well thank you fishies Reply with quote
im really glad you agree with me on this one.
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Slim1988
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PostPosted: Mon Apr 11, 2005 5:34 am Post subject: Reply with quote
NWP Kenny Banya
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livefishy
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PostPosted: Mon Apr 11, 2005 5:39 am Post subject: can ya feel the love Reply with quote
i can really feel the love in this forum, thanks for all yer support slim and have a nice day


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