Poker and the better half

[just_checking]

I'm not sure this is the right place to post this, but it seems as good as any so here goes...

I have been playing online for about a year, and have just recently(last 3 months) been able to crawl out of the red and report a net profit playing poker. This has done wonders for my game as I have stopped playing to "win my money back" and started playing good, solid poker.

My wife knew that I played, and didn't care as long as I limited myself to 6-10 hours a week. When I informed her about my new found winnings, she didn't seem to care about that either. Then, she found my bank records showing the total amounts invested and total amounts withdrawn and she came close to killing me.

When I first started, I had a bad habit of withdrawing most of my winnings every week and reloading when I went broke. The net effect of this was many deposits of $50-$200 and few withdrawels of $200+. Add in the number of times I would deposit to get reload bonuses, and the sheer number of transactions originating from my bank account was impressive to say the least.

Then, early this summer, I learned bankroll management from lurking on this site (I also learned how to not play like a complete fish) and kept my poker money at Party, which stopped the inordinate amount of transactions and let me move up in limits.

So now, here I am with a healthy 3/6 bankroll and a wife who thinks I am a complete degenerate. I have tried reasoning with her about how I have learned and wasn't taking household money and putting it into poker, blah blah blah. But she wants me to withdraw it all except $50 and play with that until it is gone, all the while cashing out any winnings on a weekly basis. Meh.
Has anyone here gone through this kind of thing? I don't want to go back to the way I used to handle my bankroll, as I have learned that that is the best way to go broke. I also want to keep my wife happy.

Any suggestions?

[Dominic]

I'm sorry, but who's money is it? Who's the bread winner? Are you taking money from your monthly nut in able to play poker? No? Then grow some balls and tell your wife you'll do as you damn please with your own money.

Now, if you've been playing poker with money that is jointly yours, then she has a point. But that's why God invented seperate bank accounts.

[just_checking]

We have a joint income household, and our money has no official "owner." We each have our little allowances, and I started my poker fund with my allowance, and only used my allowance to reload.

Her main concern is that I'm going to succumb to addiction and bankrupt us all. I am not interested in starting a turf war with my wife, as I do like having a happy (by most accounts) marriage.

I need advice on how to explain to her how poker is not like roulette or blackjack, and that there is skill involved, and yes, I'll lose sessions here and there but will come out ahead of most of the clowns that seem to overpopulate Party Poker.

On a side note, are you married Dominic?

[J.R.]

I hate to say it but you set yourself up for this. Transparency is the key.

Then, she found my bank records showing the total amounts invested and total amounts withdrawn and she came close to killing me.

Isn't this number positive? If so, tell her that you won't withdraw any more money from a bank account. Offer to set up a deal where a certain portion of your winnings are set aside each month/2months into a special fund to either buy her a something she likes (jewlery?) or to save for a house or a vaction or kid's needs if you have kids or plan to.


If that doesn't work, do you eat out for lunch, go golfing, buy lattes or spend discretionary funds in some other way that she doesn't object to? Offer to cut those out, save the spending, and use that cash for a bankroll. Can you work extra hours? if so, offer to use that cash to fund your bankroll.

I also want to keep my wife happy.

If you are really commited, there should be no "also" there. This is your only goal here, IMO.

[J.R.]

Her main concern is that I'm going to succumb to addiction and bankrupt us all.

Make an agreement to start with "x" as seed money and promise you won't ever dip into personal/marital funds again. Make your "x" is many, many, big bets. Don't try explain to her. If she is right, you will go broke and stop playing, if you are right it will prove itself over time. let the results speak for themselves.

And don't do stuff like ignore her for poker or seem to obsess about poker, ie talk about it, watch it on tv, get sucked into spending mad hours on these boards, etc. The less into poker you seem, the more abatted her fears of your possible addicition to gambling will become.

[just_checking]

[ QUOTE ]
And don't do stuff like ignore her for poker or seem to obsess about poker, ie talk about it, watch it on tv, get sucked into spending mad hours on these boards, etc. The less into poker you seem, the more abatted her fears of your possible addicition to gambling will become.

[/ QUOTE ]

I have tried hard not to do this. I only play for about 30 mins-1 hour in the morning when she isn't awake yet, and during her nightly round of phone conversations with her friends/family.

I have recently used my winnings to buy her new clothes and detailed her car. I have even tried including her in some of my poker sessions to show her that yes, people will call with pocket 5s against a straight, flushed, and paired board.

Maybe I need to let her cool down for a little while and stop playing poker for a bit. I think she is correct in the fact that I am somewhat addicted to playing now, so while I feel I am currently playing good poker, I might take some time off anyways.

[Greg J]

I'm lucky to have a wife who is very supportive of my poker playing. The fact that I make money doing it doesn't hurt either, but more importantly she appreciates the fact that I spend my spare time doing something I enjoy. That being said, if she did not understand that it was a game of skill then should would have a problem with me playing. I'm not sure how to convince yr wife of this. Maybe there should be a pamphlet: "So your husband plays poker..."

[ QUOTE ]
But she wants me to withdraw it all except $50 and play with that until it is gone, all the while cashing out any winnings on a weekly basis.

[/ QUOTE ]
This is simply unreasonable. Without trying to be a macho guy here, at some point you need to put your foot down. She obviously does.

[JasonK]

Take some of your winnings and buy her something nice.

[Big Country]

JR's answer is right.

One other option is to not be going through your bank account directly, but go through an intermediary like neteller to help maintain your bankroll.

While I would not neccesarily condone hiding this from your wife, especially if it is a marriage killer, but you could alwys do something like come to a compromise on what your "poker' account is allowed to be, and then through out the week make withdrawals to neteller when you are up tp hold on to your bankroll instead of keeping it on partypoker, then you can at the end of each week/month, whatever it is you agree on, make a withdrawal directly to your bank account that would make your wife happy.

This way, you are keeping her happy by showing there are some withdrawals coming from the site, and that you are not storing more money on partypoker thn you have agreed on, you are just storing money on Neteller for growing your bankroll.

Maybe a 50/50 split between Neteller and bank account for the month, something like that. And if you are down in a month, you can replenish from the neteller account.

[BusterStacks]

[ QUOTE ]
Take some of your winnings and buy her something nice.

[/ QUOTE ]

These boots were the latest damage...