Poker and the better half

[Sunshine]

You should announce to your wife that you are going to stop playing on-line and then start surfing porn, not the straight stuff, REALLY WIERD stuff that she couldn't possibly approve of...one of two things will happen:

1) She will dump you because of your compulsive, addictive behavior.
2) She will beg you to start playing on-line poker.

I figure either way, you win because you will be able to play poker without being nagged all the time.

Let me know if this helps [img]/images/graemlins/cool.gif[/img]

[nothumb]

Basically, everyone else is right. Buy her something nice. Demonstrate the you will keep a separate bankroll and manage it. Don't let it interfere with her perceived special time. And if you get uptight or tend to complain if you lose, don't ever tell her you lost. Hell, it wouldn't hurt not to tell her you lose anyway.

I used to make this mistake. They get ideas.

NT

[nolanfan34]

You've gotten a lot of responses, but one more question.

Do you not have Neteller? If not, get that. It sounds like your wife's main problem was all of the transactions - on paper it sure would look like you have a big problem.

But if you have Neteller, or even a separate poker-only bank account, she's only going to see one thing on the bank statement: deposits. When that happens, I bet she won't have a problem with it quite as much.

[snowbank]

Check out cardcounter.com. There was an essay written by The Mayor's wife about being the wife of blackjack player. She compared her husband to other people's husbands who play golf and spend a lot of money on it because it's their hobby. One of the lines was, 'in his hobby, lots of times he comes home with more money than he left with,' or something like that. I think that's a great comparison because if you had a different hobby you'd be guarenteed to be "losing" that money enjoying youir hobby. Your hobby instead is poker, which many times will make you money.

[Snow]

In my experience there are two main reasons our loved ones doesn´t like us playing poker.

1) They think poker is a game of pure luck and that you will lose everything.

2) Poker consumes alot of time that they cosider should be spend doing other things.

Regading issue nr1 you can try and explain why the game is not about luck both in words and in action (withdraw often and show her the money!).
Put some or all of your poker winnings in a savingsaccount that she has access to. This really worked great for me since she can see the benefits of my play.

Other tips.
- Introduce her to poker and especially WPT which atleast my wife finds really entertaining.

- Never discuss your losses and don´t let your result affect your mood.

- Get a separate bankings account for your poker transactions (with her approval ofcourse) where only you have access.


Nr 2 is harder since women likes to feel special and wanted. Playing alot of poker signals that you feel poker is more important than her. Life is short and family is important so always prioritise your loved ones.

Give her quality time and show her that you put her first.
Say nice things and confirm her that she is nr1.
Instead of playing poker all the time try to do things that she likes, like:
- talk, talk, talk
- rent a "chickflick"
- buy flowers
- write cute SMS leve romantic notes
- clean the house
- give her a backrub
- take a walk together
- go out for dinner etc.

Another "trick" that REALLY works with women regardless issue is somthing i saw on tv. Just repeat and confirm her concerns!
She: "I think you play to much poker!"
You: "You think i play to much poker..."
She: "You spend to little time with me"
You: "So you are dissapointed that i spend to little time with you"

We guys always wanna fix everything and women sometimes just want confirmation or need to talk about it.

If your woman is happy she is much more ok with you playing poker.

This post really turned into alot of ramblings but i honestly think these things are true.

Good luck!
/Snow

[mrjim]

I'm going to suggest a different route, which won't get you what you want right now, but may work out long term. Play by her rules for a few weeks (but maybe lobby for 100 instead of 50). Ask her to agree that every week you cash $ out you can increase your bankrole by x% (maybe 10%). I agree that the transparency seemed to be the problem she had. Show her everything. A few weeks ago my wife made some comment about how Moneymaker took $40 to a tournament and that I could do that, but more would make her uncomfortable. That was when I realized transparency was a problem for me because I'm now play 4 tables of 3-6 with 300 at each table at a time. So I told her exactly how much and showed her the numbers for my bankrole and she was fine with it. Show her everything and play by her rules for a bit and maybe she'll worry a little less. She's the only thing that really matters. Also, I found that if I played longer, less frequently that made my wife happier. I think if you play everyday, even for 30 min, they consider that obsessive whereas playing every other day for an hour is less so. I don't know why, but that's certainly how my wife reacts.

[just_checking]

Well we had a nice long talk last night and here is the deal:

1. I get a $200 starting bankroll with another $200 in reserve. If I lose that, I am officialy done.

2. Every month, I withdraw 70% of winnings over $200 to be divided between retirement funds and fun money for me and her (most of it probably going to her).

3. I provide her with weekly updates on my winnings(or losings) to keep her in the loop. She also has all my account passwords so she can check up on me at will. hopefully this will allow her to build some trust in the whole process.

4. I can play no more than 10 hours a week, and any large MTTs I play will count against that.


I am not a guy with a lot of hobbies, so once she realized this was something I really enjoyed doing, she really loosened up. She even said that if things went as planned and the money came in as expected, she might loosen up even more.

I have no delusions that poker income is guaranteed. I know that downswings happen all the time. So my next question is this:

Where to start with a $200 bankroll?

I am assuming back down to microlimits. [img]/images/graemlins/crazy.gif[/img]

Oh well. This was a definite victory for me. Thanks to all for your advice.

[Greg J]

[ QUOTE ]
Another "trick" that REALLY works with women regardless issue is somthing i saw on tv. Just repeat and confirm her concerns!
She: "I think you play to much poker!"
You: "You think i play to much poker..."
She: "You spend to little time with me"
You: "So you are dissapointed that i spend to little time with you"

[/ QUOTE ]
Classic!

[Mike]

Have you made any comparison to other hobbies in your area? A game of golf starts at around $50.00 for 18 holes and thats if you walk around here. The better courses in town want a Franklin and change. That is money you do not get back. If you played every week, that's anywhere from $300.00 - $700.00 a month.

Fly tying and fishing are both very expensive. A good fly tying vise can run several hundred dollars, and the feathers, well about $800.00 to have good equipment and feathers.

Or say, look Honey you are right, I will just start hanging with the boys more often. Drinking Friday nights at the T!tty bar, and throwing dollar bills at the girls. At least I won't become a degenerate gambler.

If none of those work, a good marriage is worth a lot more than a good poker game. gl

[Dominic]

[ QUOTE ]

On a side note, are you married Dominic?

[/ QUOTE ]

Valid question....no...but I have lived with someone for the past 2 years...I know, I know, not the same...but we do keep seperate bank accounts...

I understand you want to keep your wife happy, but you did say the poker money is from YOUR allowance, so you can tell her that what you do with that is your business - and if you ever feel the need to play poker with any money but that, THEN you'll give it up.

[img]/images/graemlins/laugh.gif[/img]