Favorite Lines at the poker table, part 2

[nothumb]

[ QUOTE ]
"I've got two pair, 5s and 5s."


[/ QUOTE ]

I like to announce this one as, "I've got two pair - the red ones and the black ones."

[ QUOTE ]
"I've got the taint."
"What's the taint?"
"It's just below the nuts."


[/ QUOTE ]

This is very funny.

NT

[Edge34]

"I've got the taint."
"What's the taint?"
"It's just below the nuts."

I love this line, its from an SNL skit from at least a few years ago. The scene is in some hospital room or something...and the doctor says something along the lines of "We're going to have to operate on your taint".

Patient, Horation Sanz, wonders "What's my taint?"

Doctor: "Well, 'tain't your hoo, 'tain't your ha...its your 'tain't."

Stuff like this is why this show is STILL funny.

-Edge

[BigBaitsim (milo)]

Last night at the lodge...

Supremely Bad Player has two speeds, Call & Raise. After an exremely rare pre-flop fold, another guy looks up in surprise and says, "one of his cards must have been blank."

[SuitedSixes]

Tonight 3/6 HE (same guy)

After a bad beat on the river,
"That's what I get for gambling on a Sunday."

Later on, all cards out,
"I know you've got me beat, but I've just got to call. Foldin's like dyin'."

Old hag next to me after my trip 6's get beat by a set of Q's that filled up (with my 6s), when I stupidly re-raised every chance I got (and then put him all-in heads-up), "Did you forget what you had?"

[feelixthegreek]

I have a simple favorite: I never get tired of guys who call out "deuce" as the dealer flips the turn or river card.

I also like when someone next to me asks, "You ever read any of them poker books?"

[radek2166]

bump

[BacMan]

I have been playing in a regular B&M 2-4 for several years now. Extremely loose and fishy. We play stud, hold'em rotation and this guy has never seen cards he didn't like.

He'll say this while throwing in his bet on each street:

3rd St. "Why not?"
4th St. "One more card"
5th St. "In this far"
6th St. "Waste of money"
7th St. "Gotta keep you honest"

[Odder]

I've got the frush

[RiverTheNuts]

A couple of favorites from Oceans Eleven

"You've got 3 pairs, you cant have 6 cards in a 5 card game"

"I dont know what those 4 nines do, but that ace I think is pretty high"

[kleinstadt1]

Harrah's EC. Fun table, we're all laughing and having a good time.

Loose, passive 10/20 table. I'm in the big blind. Four callers, I check. Flop is rags. Checked around, as is the turn. Finally, one player bets the river, folded around to me. My 76s is just not going to do it. The player who bet and I had been joking around all night.

I pick up my cards, show them to him, and say ominously, "I'm going to lay this down, but don't do that again."