Uniter not a Divider

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Dear Red States,

We're ticked off at the way you've treated California, and we've decided we're leaving.

We intend to form our own country, and we're taking the other Blue States with us.

In case you aren't aware, that includes Hawaii, Oregon, Washington, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois and all the Northeast.

We believe this split will be beneficial to the nation, and especially to the people of the new country of New California.

To sum up briefly: You get Texas, Oklahoma and all the former slave states.

We get stem cell research and the best beaches.

We get Elliot Spitzer. You get Ken Lay.

We get the Statue of Liberty. You get OpryLand.

We get Intel and Microsoft. You get WorldCom and Wal-Mart.

We get Harvard. You get Oral Roberts University.

We get 85 percent of America's venture capital and entrepreneurs. You get Mississippi.

We get two-thirds of the tax revenue, you get to make the red states pay their fair share.

Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22 percent lower than the Christian Coalition's, we get a bunch of happy families. You get a bunch of single moms.

Please be aware that Nuevo California will be pro-choice and anti-war, and we're going to want all our citizens back from Iraq at once. If you need people to fight, ask your evangelicals. They have kids they're apparently willing to send to their deaths for no purpose, and they don't care if you don't show pictures of their children's caskets coming home. We do wish you success in Iraq, and hope that the WMDs turn up, but we're not willing to spend our resources in Bush's Quagmire.

With the Blue States in hand, we will have firm control of 80 percent of the country's fresh water, more than 90 percent of the pineapple and lettuce, 92 percent of the nation's fresh fruit, 95 percent of America's quality wines (you can serve French wines at state dinners) 90 percent of all cheese, 90 percent of the high tech industry, most of the U.S. low-sulfur coal, all living redwoods, sequoias and condors, all the Ivy League and Seven Sister schools, including Harvard, Yale, and Princeton plus Stanford, Cal Tech and MIT.

With the Red States, on the other hand, you will have to cope with 88 percent of all obese Americans (and their projected health care costs), 92 percent of all U.S. mosquitoes, nearly 100 percent of the tornadoes, 90 percent of the hurricanes, 99 percent of all Southern Baptists, virtually 100 percent of all televangelists, Rush Limbaugh, Jerry Falwell, Pat Robertson, and Texas A&M.

We get Hollywood and Yosemite, thank you.

This leaves you with a country in which 38 percent of your citizens believe Jonah was actually swallowed by a whale, 62 percent believe life is sacred unless the subject is the death penalty, 44 percent say that evolution is only a theory, and 53 percent insist that Saddam was involved in 9/11.

By the way, we're taking the good pot, too. You can have that dirt weed they grow in Mexico.

Sincerely,

Liberal Blue State

[Broken Glass Can]

A second thread in recent days by blue staters trying to avoid paying for the red state hurricane damages in those 3 red states of Louisiana, Mississippi, and Alabama.

You guys are so cheap. [img]/images/graemlins/smirk.gif[/img]

[deadmoney98]

nh

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The local Mayor of New Orleans should pay for all the damages. After all, he had SCHOOL BUSES!

[lehighguy]

I thought the red states tried to break away and you wouldn't let them.

[cardcounter0]

It was a Republican President that stopped them.

[lehighguy]

Your posts get more and more pointless, do you even see why?

[cardcounter0]

school bus.

[lehighguy]

You rode the short bus, now I understand.

[Autocratic]

[ QUOTE ]
I thought the red states tried to break away and you wouldn't let them.

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Yeah, if only the national political scene was even remotely comparable to modern day....hmmm....then you'd have presented quite an interesting statement.