A father's son.

[Catch of the Day]

Warning: I don't know where I am going with this, but I needed to write down my thoughts. Click here to go back to 00T

I have known that my relationship with my father has been bad for most of my life. His life story is tragically unique, as he was exposed to unavoidable suffering and loss at a too young an age. The past three generations of men on his side in my family have, before the age of 17, suffered the loss of their father. My own dad lost his Father and Mother at 17. He had two brothers. They couldn't live through the loss.

What I know, I know from others.

He doesn't talks about it.

I say this, (and I do not do so lightly), only to provide some semblance of background. We had another fight, and although no blows were thrown this time, it may have been easier for us both if there were. Some wounds heal quickly, others take more time...

I have come to regard relationships as of the utmost importance in my life. From a young age, all I ever wanted to be was a good husband, and a good father. To this day, I suffer as my father suffers for sins that were not my own. My life has been shaped by events that occured far before I was born, and I feel helpless. If he would let me, I would gladly share his burdens. I would take them...as my own, as a fathers' son should. If he would only let me...

I wish he knew me, as I know him. To see as I see, himself, through my own eyes.

I love my dad.
He never had one.
Didn't know how to be one.
I have one,
but he doesn't know me.
He can't it seems.
I am lost.

I love you dad.

Catch-

[EDIT] Devoid of any point, I realize, that although cathartic, this really says little about anything. I can't really sleep very well anymore, and emotionally drained I apologize. There are always holes in life. Tonight, I realized that that, at 21, I need the father I gave up on years ago, more than ever. For the first time, what I know I need, is simply somthing I have always had: family.

So everyone call your family right now and tell 'em...

just tell 'em that you love 'em.

[Bluffoon]

I have been estranged from my father for years so I can relate to some extent to your ecxperiences.

As a father myself I take a lot of satisfaction in my relationship with my son. I can never experience a good relationship with my dad but I can and do experience the relationship from the side of being a father and I doubt that I would fully appreciate the experience if it wasnt for my crappy relationship with my dad. So I thank him for that every day I spend with my son.

Jim

[vulturesrow]

First off, ballsy post for OOT.

Secondly, I sympathize. I have a father and stepfather, didnt meet my father until I was 17 years old. My stepfather was alright when he was actually around, which wasnt much. I havent talked to him in about a year or so. And I know exactly what you mean about wanting to be a good husband and father. Hope things work out between the two of you.

[2planka]

Catch -

My father died when I was 22. I had just started to realize that he was a pretty cool guy.

The early 20's are a pivotal point in one's life. It's really when we gain enough perspective to figure out who we are. I started a career, bought my first cars, my first house, got married, all without a father's guidance. I made mistakes that some fatherly advice could have averted.

Guess my point is that it's not too late for you.

[Catch of the Day]

Thanks guys. Not sure how I ended up in OOT, or what more there really is to say. Just kinda felt my way through...which in retrospect, might not have been the correct play.

Catch-

[bisonbison]

My dad died when I was 23. As long as they're living, you've got time.

[CCass]

Catch - As has already been said, it is never too late as long as both of you are live.

I have always had a great relationship with my father, and the older I get the more I appreciate this. My goal in life is to be as good a father to my children as he was (and still is) to me.

[Matt Flynn]

Catch,

There is still time. If you cannot say how you feel to him, you can still write it.

Matt

[Mars357]

Great suggestion. Write a letter....let your soul poor onto the paper. I did this with my father but sadly, it was while he was dying. He never saw my writing but the act of putting organized thoughts on paper helped me more than I could have imagined.

Good luck and do everything you can to break this chain of sorrow that seems to run through your family.

[AustinDoug]

You may consider approaching him about going to family counseling with you.