A father's son.

[Catch of the Day]

Warning: I don't know where I am going with this, but I needed to write down my thoughts. Click here to go back to 00T

I have known that my relationship with my father has been bad for most of my life. His life story is tragically unique, as he was exposed to unavoidable suffering and loss at a too young an age. The past three generations of men on his side in my family have, before the age of 17, suffered the loss of their father. My own dad lost his Father and Mother at 17. He had two brothers. They couldn't live through the loss.

What I know, I know from others.

He doesn't talks about it.

I say this, (and I do not do so lightly), only to provide some semblance of background. We had another fight, and although no blows were thrown this time, it may have been easier for us both if there were. Some wounds heal quickly, others take more time...

I have come to regard relationships as of the utmost importance in my life. From a young age, all I ever wanted to be was a good husband, and a good father. To this day, I suffer as my father suffers for sins that were not my own. My life has been shaped by events that occured far before I was born, and I feel helpless. If he would let me, I would gladly share his burdens. I would take them...as my own, as a fathers' son should. If he would only let me...

I wish he knew me, as I know him. To see as I see, himself, through my own eyes.

I love my dad.
He never had one.
Didn't know how to be one.
I have one,
but he doesn't know me.
He can't it seems.
I am lost.

I love you dad.

Catch-

[EDIT] Devoid of any point, I realize, that although cathartic, this really says little about anything. I can't really sleep very well anymore, and emotionally drained I apologize. There are always holes in life. Tonight, I realized that that, at 21, I need the father I gave up on years ago, more than ever. For the first time, what I know I need, is simply somthing I have always had: family.

So everyone call your family right now and tell 'em...

just tell 'em that you love 'em.