Making more money than your friends (long)

[Snoogins47]

I often find the more pressing problem to be when people can't understand the whole poker as a job thing.

Granted, I've only been doing this for a few months. I almost dread the typical small talk nowadays...

"Where do you go to school?"
"Well I'm taking the year off and just saving some money."
"Ahh, what do you do?"
"I play poker."

It's always that I'm fooling myself, a general disbelief, or the idea that somehow it's all some sort of scam that will cause me to lose my ass soon. But oh well. It's not a matter of not being able to prove myself, or even that I really care to: it's just a general frustration at a fairly new situation for me, and I think the only way it would end is if I ever wind up at the televised stages of a big tournament, or have a bracelet.

As for the strain on relationships...

Well, I'll be honest. I've only been at this for a few months, and there's already some tensions here and there. An old high school friend of mine started becoming a bit angry with me, for no apparent fault of my own. It surely wasn't 100% money related, but I think the finances did play a part (well, more the fact that while he has been successful as a poker player, it's to a much, much smaller extent than I, and he had been running bad and tilting money away)

Not to mention, any of the gatherings I was at with high school friends, poker related or no, could hardly go 20 minutes without mention of my "professional" status.

Luckily, I hardly have any urge to "live it up," so to speak. Sure, I spend more, and am more willing to pick up things here and there, but I haven't made any mindbending lifestyle changes. This could easily change with time, but right now I'm still my little-old self: just a 19 year old living at home and saving up a nest-egg while he decides what the hell he wants to do with his life. My only "splurges" have been a new headunit for my car (which I was planning on doing for months anyway,) and this killer little vintage guitar amp I found for a couple hundred bucks.

Most importantly, an experience that you think would wreak havoc on many a young person's world view has actually put a whole new perspective on things for me. I had a very difficult time in my first (and so far only) year of college, due to a large mix of things. After withdrawing, I was in a bit of a funk, for lack of a better term. Thoughts of not being successful, not knowing what to do, etc. And it was almost purely based on some very odd perception of "career" and "growing up" that I had somehow picked up along the first 18 years of my life.

It's as if I expected my whole life to be based on the method with which I made money.

But that ain't true: it's just money.

This post has gone off on a bit of a tangent, so I'll try to bring it back. The main point that ties this together is that, for me: this attitude has eased many of the problems that could easily arise from a disparity in incomes.

I could keep rambling, but I'll refrain.

[jimdmcevoy]

I did something similar to this and I like this approach.

a few years ago when I was 21 I won $3k in a tourney, and didn't need it all, so I treated my friends to a ski trip. I told them all it wasn't me paying for it, it was all the other players I beat who were paying for it. We all had a great time.

[bdubs]

I think you are making things more complicated than they need to be. I was in the same situation as your friends a little less than a year ago when I put all my money into a business that I ended up having to stop.

I would go out with friends and they knew my situation and they didn't care about the money, they just wanted my company. So they bought me drinks, food, whatever and I felt bad about it, but they insisted so I let it go.

Now I am making 2-3 times what I had during that time and I'm doing the reversal of what my friends did when I was down and out.

The bottom line is that if the friends/girlfriends you have make a big deal about money, or if you sense that you are being used by one of them for it, then they really aren't true friends. They are leeches and will take advantage of your kindness. If they are appreciative and do the best they can to show it and return the favor then they are true friends and will gladly make up for your kindness when they make more in the future.

By worrying about what they think when you pay for them or want to go somewhere that just causes added stress onto you that you don't need. If you feel burdened by paying, or you feel like the only reason your friends are going out with you is because you are paying then drop them and find some new friends.

[ThePimpulator]

If he's offended that you made it seem like he is asking for a hand out then he doesnt really understand how poker income works, because that's exactly what he did ask for as far as im concerned.

I wonder if your friend would give you a week of his income if you paid his travel and lunch expenses for that week.

If he is a reasonable person and you have any sort of a friendship he'll listen with an open mind and let you try to explain it to him.

I dont think this is a harsh way to look at it. What happens when you win a bit on that guys stake and you get the others asking to do the same. You cant cary people through life. If it means you drift apart a little, well that's life.

There's a big world out there with lots of people in it. May be its time for you to grow.

[AncientPC]

When someone asked about staking me I told them that my income does not grow linear to my bankroll (unlike BJ players). They understood what I meant and didn't bother me about it again.

[Sully]

Suppose that a great new restaurant opens up and I'd really like to try it out. This restaurant is rather expensive, and while I could afford it without much of a dent, it is a bit out of the price range of my friends. Should I offer to treat them? Should I magically decide to pick up the check when it comes, perhaps recognizing that my friends will figure as much? Should I go there by myself (not very much fun, obviously)? Should I avoid brining the issue up at all? Should I find some wealthier friends?

Just found this post, and I'm sorry for the late reply, but my solution to this problem has always been to go to the restaurant and buy a gift certificate, then tell my friends I magically won it somewhere or something, and invite them to share it with you...you don't have to splurge for the whole tab if you don't want, but you can make an expensive dinner a lot more reasonable for your buddies.

Works for girlfriend's parents too, when you want to take them somewhere nice, but don't want to come off like a showoff.

[shejk]

Two things:

* What has happened to good old honesty? I see a lot of deceit in the replies you get... imho, sure you don't have to flaunt your riches, but be honest about it!

* Secondly, friendships are about sacrifices. Just like you sometimes wish for a game of darts while your friends want to play pool, sometimes you want to go to an expensive restaurant while they want to drink beer in front of the tv.

</font><blockquote><font class="small">Svar till:</font><hr />
My best friend and I typically play darts when we are looking for something to do (although we live in different states now so that isn't very often).

I don't care how broke he is....there is NO FREAKING WAY I am going to purposefully lose to him in darts.
It's just WAY too important to destroy his ass.

I will crush him, humiliate him, make him beg for dart-mercy.

I'll buy every round if I have too.....but I refuse to just lose.
That defeats the whole point of going out in the first place.

[/ QUOTE ]

Well put microbob!

[riverboatking]

[ QUOTE ]
It is inevitable that as your income grows, your friends will change unless they grow along with you. Eventually you will discover that you are not as interested in hanging out with them as yu once were.

There will come a time when you have outgrown them, and while you still like them, you have less and less in common. You don't have to become a tool or anything but if your income continues to grow and theirs does not, a distance will grow between you.

[/ QUOTE ]

dude that is pretty sad.
i really feel for you.

[bugstud]

one more thing...is this substantially different from your previous job, or would this have occured anyway?

[BeerMoney]

Nate, how 'bout investing in your friends in someway. Ask them if they have a business venture they have been thinking of or something..

Also, I have decided that I will not talk about poker earnings anymore. Its no ones business but mine.