Making more money than your friends (long)

[gamblore99]

Excellent post. I definiteyl feel i'm in the same boat as you.

The way I understand your problem is as such
1. You now have lots of money, and want to live it up a little
2. You like hanging out with friends, who have no money.
3. 1 and 2 don't mix

I don't think a lot of people are fairly addressing the issue hear. Putting your money in the bank and spending the same amount as your friends is not living up. Getting new friends and cutting out the friends you like, is not something you would want to do, cause they are your friends. Telling your friends you lost all your money so they won't feel poor will probably just put a bigger strain on friendship, as you will always have this over your shoulder, and as a good friend, you probably will want to confide and not keep secrets, as well as continue to pay more than your faire share of cab rides and the like. And if the friends are happy about the loss, well I know that would really piss me off. I expect my friends to be supportive.

I don't think you can ever have things the way they were, now that you have a lot more money than them. Doesn't mean the friendship has to end, but I think your relationship definitely has to change, if it hasn't already. Discussing poker, and your income can no longer be comfortable conversations between you guys. Going to expensive places, except on occassion will probably strain the relationship more.

I think your best bet, is to call up your stock broker friend or other friends like him when you feel like going to that fancy restaurant, or try to find some other people in the same situation. Not to say lose the old friends, but I think that if you lie and hide things from them, or try to bring them to places they can't afford, that will only put a bigger strain on your friendship. Though I think I would definitely stop talking about those huge pots you took down the other day. This last part is really tough and totally sucks.

[Lawrence Ng]

[ QUOTE ]
I felt terrible about it when we went out. if we had a couple of drinks and I just didn't have a penny to my name then she had to pay obviously.
I would apologize and she knew I felt kinda lousy about it since I am the guy afterall...
but her attitude was "Well...I'm not with you for whether you have money or not...I know you would have no problem buying the drinks if our situations were reversed."

[/ QUOTE ]

You have a wonderful girl Bob, she's a keeper.

Lawrence

[Piemaster]

Great post.

This is one of life's difficult situations, and most people only learn the correct path by trial and error. I have known the same guys since college and at various times, some of us have been learning more than others. The potential problems are many-fold.

- Those with less money sometimes feel resentful and jealous. They don't see the others as 'one of them' anymore.
- Those with less money start to take advantage of those with more money, sponging in effect.
- Those with more money flaunt it, making needless shows of wealth which only make the others feel bad.
- Those with more money feel restricted by not being able to do many of the things they can afford because 'their friends can't'

The second of these happened a few years ago. I was living in a house with a few guys, one of whom was earning less than the rest of us. It was not a high rent house, still within his means. We used to pick up his tab sometimes and lend him money when he was short, allowing him to come out with us. Unfortunately, the time it took for him to pay us back got longer, he used to come out sometimes with no money, knowing that we would sub him, and he used to bug us to lend him money even when what he wanted to buy was not anything important. Eventually the house broke because he lost his job and couldn't afford the rent any more and we have barely spoken to him since.

Fortunately, although my friends and I now earn different ammounts, we all have simple tastes. Our idea of a good time is having a few beers round somebodys house or going to a regular bar, we don't do expensive bars or restaruants. Those of us who earn more, put the money into things like a nicer car, a nicer house or savings, not things that the others will feel left out of. In fact, getting a big house and using it to host parties for your mates is a great way to effectively 'spend money on them' without them getting resentful. I am not in a position to play poker full time right now, but if I did, I think they would be far more concerned with how 'cool' being a professional poker player is than how much I was actually earning.

We don't talk about money much, especially actual numbers, we consider it a fairly dirty subject. I'm sure if we did get to the stage where some of us wanted to 'live the high life' then it would cause a split. I don't think there is anything you can really do about this.

[gonores]

Nate,

HUGE problem for me as well. As an anecdote, I went to Vegas with a few of my friends a while back and stayed at the Strat. When it came time to transport ourselves the 1-2 miles down LV Blvd. toward the strip, they refused to take a cab unless I paid for it in full. I have no interest in finding new friends, but this money thing is probably the most trying dilemma of our respective friendships.

Usually, the way things work out for us for a night out is that I usually let the pre-party begin at my place, on my dime, and I pick up the first round or two at the bar. In exchange, I'm usually the one picking the bar, I never have to DD, and I always get a good wingman(men) when I need them.

As far as the gift thing goes, we sort of abolished gift-giving, period.

And restaurants...well...why don't I play you heads-up for the bill? I gotta make a run to the Chi next week anyways.

[buffett]

[ QUOTE ]
I almost invariably pick up more than my fair share of taxi rides and bar tabs and dinner checks, buy more expensive Christmas and birthday gifts, and loan out small amounts of money to help cover a parking ticket or something without really hounding to get it back.

[/ QUOTE ]

I'm not judging you. I'm really not. It sounds you like have a pretty good handle on the situation.
I'm just gently suggesting that if these things truthfully didn't both you the least bit, then you wouldn't have felt the need to post about it: "Love keeps no record of wrongs."
-web

[J_V]

How could they not bother you? They may not be a huge deal, but at some point having more moeny than your friends does not entitle them to the excess. Every poker ;ayer I know has this problem.

[Rasputin]

A couple things.

First, take a decent chunk of your income and put it in a retirement fund. Never too soon to start and it will have the added advantage of taking some of your disposable income out of circulation. And remember, poker doesn't have a pension plan.

Second, if you don't own a home, buy one. This will serve two purposes. 1) You'll be able to do more creative entertaining. Cookouts, superbowl parties and so forth.

Third, go to that guy who wanted to stake you, apologize for handling it poorly, and offer to give him lessons and stake him a little while he learns.

Fourth, get implants for the girlfriend. [img]/images/graemlins/wink.gif[/img]

Fifth, get them in the habit of making your place the place to hang out. That way you end up buying most of the beers and chips and pizza and pay per views and crap and it won't get noticed as easily as in a public place.

Sixth, if all else fails, give me all your extra money.

[Piemaster]

This seems to be about the best collection of advice so far in this thread

[FishBurger]

I think a similar situation was a plot of one of the episodes of Friends. Joey, Rachel and Febey were the poor friends and the other three were the rich friends. You might want to start watching Friends reruns to see if you can catch the episode and take on instruction on how they worked out the situation.

[Luke]

Hey Nate,

I had some ideas for you but Rasputin stole my thunder. A lot of what he said is right on the money, IMO. But I'll just expand on some of what he said.

I bought a house not too long ago and the costs of home ownership (down payment, closing costs mortgage, property taxes, repairs, furniture, etc) absorb a LOT of my poker money.

But I feel that is money absorption in a good way as it improves my quality of life vs. apartment living and it's forced savings.

And the house is great for having my friends and family over for both hanging out (holidays, parties, pre-gaming, etc) and showing your generosity in a natural, non-offensive way.

Anyway Nate, good luck with your situation.

Luke