Favorite Lines to Bad Players

[lacky]

I'm always as freindly as possible to the truely bad players. They are all on my buddy list so I play them all alot. It's a good thing if they like me as they don't mind me seeking them out then. If I'm an ass to them to try and win a couple more bets tonight, they will likely leave the table the next day when I sit down.

The table loud mouth that plays ok and trash talks everyone is another matter. You can win big brownee points with the fish sticking up for them against that type of player.

Steve

[Evan]

I give them pop tests using the hand quizes from SSH to make them feel inadequate.

[MicroBob]

[ QUOTE ]
Do you think fish will understand your comment? Or do you want to make them understand and think about odds, chances, underdogs? Seems you want to teach them right at table to help them beat you.

[/ QUOTE ]



Agreed.

I have really mean table-coaches to thank for letting me know how badly I was playing when I first started.

Honestly, I didn't even know if a flush beat a full-house (or what 'muck' or 'pays BB' or 'nuts' meant) so I certainly didn't know that going all-in with A9o was bad strategy (I smelled a bluff....like I ALWAYS did then).

Actually, in my first day or two I wasn't even sure what those little 'NL, PL and Limit' abbreviations meant for each table in the lobby.
I was probably on EVERYONE'S buddy-list at Pokerstars (which was the first site I played at).


But the guy who I sucked-out against with my A9o all-in (two 9's on the flop) told me how bad a play it was and that I clearly didn't know how to play good poker.

I was a bit embarassed by my win and started to play even tighter.
"Golly...everyone REALLY knows what they're doing except me. They all think I'm an idiot and I think they might be right. I better take it easy and try to figure out what's going on."


If your comments will really work in putting the coach on tilt then go for it.
But a lot of times it will simply drive him away (have seen this happen MANY times) or will just succeed in making him play more correctly so be careful.

[Rudbaeck]

I basically have two:

1) "It was really looking up for you, that last one was just a bad beat. I'm sure you'll make it back if you stay."

2) "You are not man enough to buy in again."

I think everyone can figure out which type of player 1 & 2 respectively are aimed at when they bust.

Lately I've been seeing hordes (3...) of table coaches identify themselves with brown trout, berate players and then go on telling em to come here for information! (To be fair one missed the brown trout part.)

[Beavis68]

"Are your nipples sore? Cause you sure got milked."

There was one guy that was really trying to bust me, and he slow played aces against me and let me hit a flush before reraising me all-in.

"Sorry about that man, I didn't mean to make you look like such an idiot"

[Jay36489]

I've been wondering lately what to do to get a coach to shut the [censored] up. It pisses me off when they start running thier mouths and tighten a good table up. Any advise?

[Zarl]

[ QUOTE ]
Ok, so it is inappropriate to talk trash to the fish. But sometimes after they dish out all the talk to you, and you take their money, you have to needle them a little back. It is a nice way to get them to reload and further tilt. I have a few favorite lines, I wonder if any of you have any other good ones.

"You just paid me off like this months mortgage"

"You must hate money"

-TC

[/ QUOTE ]

"nh"

[CountDuckula]

[ QUOTE ]
"nh"

[/ QUOTE ]

This is absofrigginloutely the best line! You want the fish to keep playing K3o like it's a strong hand! Sure the great god Variance will smite you some days, but in the long run, you'll punish them severely for doing that.

The few times I've succumbed to the temptation to criticize bad play, I've regretted it immediately.

-Mike

[cepstrum]

Hi Tom -

I'm afraid that these are pretty poor. "You paid me off like this month's mortgage?" That doesn't even make sense. I don't know about you, but my mortgage doesn't pay me off. At least, not until years later when I sell the house. Or myabe you are saying that your opponent just paid you in the same way that you pay your mortgage. I guess that makes sense if you pay your mortgage with an electronic funds transfer, or if your opponent gives you a lump cash payment on the first of the month. As a future tip, when starting with the phrase "You just paid me off like," try not to strain. Stick with the basics. Slot machines. ATMs. The Money Store, for those of you who remember Phil Rizzuto. Hell, Phil Rizzuto himself works just fine here if you want to be obscure.

"You must hate money," while easily understood, lacks flair. It's at the same time too long to be considered pithy and too pedestrian to be considered clever or funny. That is a sad place for a put-down to live.

Of course, I can't just criticize your efforts without pretending to try to do better. So, if you want something short and mean, wait until that fish who has been giving you the business to bust out. Don't say a word until then. Then, when that little number goes to zero and the "sitting out" lamp gets lit, just type "Chips!"

I'm afraid I don't have anything longer to offer for general purpose use. I will, however, offer this anecdote. I was playing seven-card stud once, and I had a nice draw in a fairly big pot against a guy who obviously had at least aces, but probably at most aces up. I made my flush. He then recited to me the old chestnut, "Those who play for straights and flushes end up selling Fuller brushes." He dated himself pretty well with that one. Actually, he didn't. I had no idea what a Fuller brush was until I looked it up, but I knew at the time it had to be old. Anyway, for some unknown reason, I had the presence of mind to, within three seconds, compose and type the response, "Those who whine of brutal beats end up selling luncheon meats." It warn't poetry, but it was pretty good. The punchline is that someone else at the table thought one or both of those comments were directed at her. She responded the only way she knew how: "I am a medical doctor. That would never happen to me."

Cepstrum

[kiemo]

I just give them a blank stare.