Stupidest poker strategy/statements ever heard...

[Kerplunk]

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That had to be the funniest thing I've heard in a while.... an actual person stating the ever popular: "But.... It was SOOOOOOTED!!!!!"

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Here's a good one that occurred to me recently...

Home game, low limit hold 'em. Player 1 is a pretty poor player who likes to chase draws and occasionally bluff. He's up a little and thinks he's schoolin' the table. Player 2 is decent and (like the rest of the table) has figured Player 1's game. I'm a spectator in this hand:

Preflop: Player 1 raises. Player 2 calls.
Flop: A [img]/images/graemlins/spade.gif[/img] 7[img]/images/graemlins/spade.gif[/img] 4 [img]/images/graemlins/heart.gif[/img] Player 1 bets. Player 2 calls
Turn:T [img]/images/graemlins/club.gif[/img] Player 1 bets. Player 2 raises. Player 1 calls.
River A [img]/images/graemlins/club.gif[/img] Player 1 checks. Player 2 bets. Player 1 shakes his head and before folding, says he had 74 and the river A killed his two pair.

I look at him lazily and say "Shut the f*** up. You didn't have two pair."

P1: I swear I did.
Me: C'mon. You're gonna tell me you raised before the flop with 74
P1, first great line: (pause)I did?
Me: Uh, yeah. You did.
P1, second great line: (weakly) But they were suited.

By this time, the whole table was laughing, and even P1 had a tough time keeping a straight face.

[CORed]

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Especially since it JT makes a straight it is always the nut straight

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This is only true if your cards are not counterfeited. Do you see why?

[TripleH68]

Usually spouted in jest...

"Never fold a 5 or a 10, every straight has to have a 5 or a 10."

[Mike]

Ugh, three women at the table this game is ruined, they don't play right

[deacsoft]

If I only had a penny for every time I heard that one...

[arabie]

I heard that if you bet every hand from beginning to end, you will win 1/10 of your hands (if your playing with 10 people) and you win all the pots where people fold. This somehow logically concluded to a +ev strategy... amzing how people think this stuff up.

[CardCuda]

Heard this Friday night -

A dealer said this in response to a new player at the table who asked what book is good for learning this game...

"There are no good poker books out there...all of them tell you to do something different". "Books are a waste of money". "Just play suited cards and any pairs and you'll do fine".

This gem was followed by 4-5 nods and miscellaneous statements in agreement at the table.

The strange thing is of the 4-5 nods in agreement 2 of them are regular players that I actually "respected" their play.

I thought about mentioning S&M but I didn't. As I watched the new guy drop 3 racks ($3-6 game) in a little over 2 hours.

#2 -

I have QJs in the CO -

6 limpers to me, I raise, all call (incl. blinds) 9 to the flop for 2 bets. Flop comes:

T, K, 7, (2 of my suit, 4 limpers I raise, and the button spits out this gem... (a regular).

"I don't know why your raising? These guys aren't going to fold". [img]/images/graemlins/tongue.gif[/img]

[Matty]

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I thought about mentioning S&M

[/ QUOTE ]You fail, and it sounds like most of the table passed. =]

[woostah]

My personal favorite came this summer when my friend and I were playing the 1 2 nl game at foxwoods. My friend Had just lost a pot to this guy when his opponent called an all in bet with his flush draw and hit on the river. My friend muttered something about the call.

His opponent turned to his friend and said something to the effect that "most people dont realize that if you have a flush draw on the flop you have a 50% chance of making your flush." Trying to keep a straight face, I asked him "really?". He was gracious enough to explain to us that 25% of the deck make up a suit, and with 2 cards left to come you have a 25%+25% chance of completing a flush draw, or 50%. Someone asked him about the fact that 4 cards of the suit are already out and he said "Its impossible to know which cards are out".

Freakin' hilarious.

[deacsoft]

My favorite is when a lose cannon at a No-Limit ring game called my nearly $400 all-in with his 1 out straight flush draw with one card to come and said, after he failed to hit it, "I knew you had the Ace high flush but I had a chance for straight flush. I had to go for it. You know?" I responded with a very enthusiastic "Yes, of course". The rest of the table agreed.

(For those of you thinking it, the pot odds did not support his one out draw.)