What are your favorite lines spoken at the table?

[l2yan]

Two guys at my table the other night, are verbally abusing each other all night long. On this one particular hand, one of the guys is in the BB and the other guy is in SB, anyways, the guy in the small blind pushes all in on the guy in the BB, he has the guy covered though. So the guy in the BB goes "Im going to call, but I dont have that much, perhaps you would consider deez nuts as payment" The BB then proceeds to push the chips he has left into the pot, stands up, and rests his nuts on the table railing, all while flipping over quads and laughing like a little school girl.

It was one of the funnies things I have ever seen, partly because the two men involved were in thier early 40s probably.

[JFB37]

I can't believe I forgot to post this one earlier.

A couple of months ago I was at a table when it came time to collect the time. Some guy said, "the only place time goes faster than at the poker table is at a whorehouse."

Based on my "read," I'm pretty sure he was speaking from experience.

[doughhater]

A couple here:

My buddy was playing a live 15/30 game a couple of weeks ago and after a couple of tough beats in a row, stood up and yelled, "THIS SITE IS RIGGED!"

Playing in a 6-12 game in AZ. There's a guy who just can't stop complaining about his bad luck. After about two hours of whining, and several rebuys, I look over and say, "Hey, next time you're thinking about coming down to the casino, here's my phone number. Just give me a call, we can meet somewhere, I'll kick you in the nuts, you give me $200, and we'll be all square."

[RogerZBT]

My favorite...

Tropicana 5/10 stud game... VERY loose table. I start with pocket 3's, catch a 3 on fourth st and hit quads on the river. 4 people left in with me. Lady to my right bets, I call, knowing the obvious flush to my left will raise. Obvious straight calls the two bets. Fourth guy folds. lady realizes bluffing into four people was probably not the best idea and folds. I raise. People get whiplash from their heads snapping around to see what the hell I could have to be raising with. Flush reluctantly calls. Straight points to Flush guy, says to me "I know I'm losing to him, but I have to see what you have," and calls. What do you say to that? "Thanks"?

[DuggleBogey]

Wow, there is some funny stuff in this thread. Once in a while I just find myself laughing at that "deuce, rag, rag" one....

[js13_tps]

"all in, i have to go throw up"

his pocket 2's didn't hold up. LOL.

[Manimal 42]

I Love this thread!!!!!! Gotta save some instead of eating it all in one sitting like a box of cookies.

In a low stakes (!?) home game a few years back I was raking it in and even started drinking a bit to handicap myself against hopelessly optimistic nice guys.

Around 4 am, one of them said, "Lets' raise the ante to $10" We'd started at $.25.

I'd already turned $40 into $500 so I asked, "Are you sure? I've won the last 5 hands." He put his arm around me and said, "Its just good fun mate" to which I replied "Deal!"

[LeapingGnome]

Playing for a while with a total table coach, have pocket 2s and catch the third on the flop. Go to the river and he has an obvious flush. I muck and ask "beat a set?" He says "Yes. By the way, it's not a set, it's trips."

[MissOt]

i was playing in a home game and 2 guys were all in pf with a9 and a8 after the board came K75Q2 it took us 5 minutes to explain to the guy with a8 why he lost.

[thatpfunk]

This thread is so funny... A few favorites:

My brother becomes the biggest a-hole at the table. Playing 8-16, he's been betting the whole way and on the river the board pairs aces along with bringing a flush draw. He bets, villian raises. He looks at villian and says "You got there didn't you? You chased the flush the entire way and got there! F#ck it, I re-raise." The guy calls and my brother taps the table and says completely straight-faced "Thanks for playing clown, quads," while reaching out and raking in the pot without showing his cards yet. He had AA obviously.

Also $5-10 NL, really bad player goes all in after a small raise utg. Button says "i call." Bad player yells- "Oh sh!t!"

Same $5-10 game different bad player limps on the button after 4 callers with AKs. Flop comes AAx. Checked to him he bets. He wins the pot, rakes it in, shows his cards and, "Man I should have just raised the minimum so I could get everyone to stay in and win more money. Next time" [img]/images/graemlins/confused.gif[/img] Ya, defiently the way to play AK...