Post A Joke

[tonypaladino]

I haven't seen a joke thread in a while.

I need a laugh.

[tonypaladino]

A screwdriver walks into a bar.

The bartender says "Hey, we have a drink named after you"

The screwdriver says "Really, you have a drink named Leonard?"

[Macdaddy Warsaw]

Question: "What did one indie kid say to the other?"
Other Person Replies: "What?"
Punchline: "YOU DON'T KNOW!?!?"

May be funny only to indie kids...

[Macdaddy Warsaw]

What's worse than a worm in your apple?
What?
Half a worm.
What's worse than half a worm in your apple?
What?
::deadpan:: The Holocaust

[PoBoy321]

What's bad?

A dead baby.

What's worse?

A pile of dead babies.

What's worse than that?

There's a live one at the bottom.

What's worse than that?

He's eating his way to the top.

What's worse than that?

He made it.

[Slacker13]

Women goes to a doctor and says, my husband comes home drunk every night and snores. Doctor says, tie a piece of string around his balls. Next night he comes stumbling in, passes out and starts snoring. She looks around the house for string and cannot find any so she ties a piece of blue ribbon around his nuts and he stop snoring. She starts to fall asleep and hears the dog snoring. She looks around the house and finds a piece of red ribbon, ties it around the dogs balls and he stops snoring.

In the middle of the night the guy wakes up and has to pee. He goes into the bathroom, dog follows him in. He looks down and sees the blue ribbon, looks over at the dog and sees the red ribbon and says, i dont know what the hell happened last night but we took first and second.

[PoBoy321]

One night, a woman is making dinner, getting dinner ready for when her husband gets home from work at the brewery. All of a sudden, there's a knock on the door and it's her husband's coworker Bill. "Hi Molly, I just came here to tell you that your husband died at the brewery today."

"Oh my God," the woman screamed. "Well what happened to him?"

"I'm sorry, but he fell into one of the giant vats of beer and he drowned."

The woman began crying and sobbing. After a few minutes, she gains a little composure and asks "Well tell me, did he at least go quickly?"

"No, the fact of the matter is, he got out 3 times to pee."

After being falsey accused of robbing a bank and found guilty, a man is sentenced to 15 years in prison. His cell mate is an older man in his fifties, who has let the man know he has plans to escape and would like him to be involved.

The old man said, "When the guard comes around, go over in the corner and put this blanket over yourself."

With these as his only instructions, the man waited patiently for the guard to come by. The guard finally came to collect dirty laundry, and so he did as instructed, he draped a blanket on top of himself. The old man raped him. Savagely.

[Superfluous Man]

What do you get when you stab a dead baby with a rusty knife?
<font color="white">An erection!</font>

What was the worst story Helen Keller ever read?
<font color="white">A cheese grater!</font>

How did Helen Keller's parents punish her?
<font color="white">They beat the everliving piss out of her! Or alternately, they left the plunger in the toilet. But I like how people who have heard the latter are surprised when you use the former punchline. </font>

Bonus: What did the dead baby say to Helen Keller?
<font color="white">STOP FISTING ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!</font>

[shant]

I have a joke, the chair, it walk along the street, with the
shoes, la la la la la, the chair, he is walking!