Dating and rejection

[ShawnHoo]

All right, this is pretty ridiculous.

So I line up this date with a girl from match.com. I thought she looked cute in the pics I saw, although I couldn't tell for sure.

We've been chatting online for a while and did a lot of flirting. She explains to me how she views a first meeting as a "pre-date" and doesn't like to expect anything romantic. She's met one guy before and, while they both agreed that they weren't a good fit to date, they've hung out a bunch since then and "kicked it". She wants the first date to be platonic and then go from there. Ok, fine.

So we meet up last night at a low-key bar to grab a light dinner (we're both coming from work) and drinks. I was very impressed with her in person. She is very ample in the right places and has a killer smile.

We start joking around and busting each others balls right from the start. She's laughing and having a great time. Lots of eye contact. Sweet.

So I'm feeling rather bold and decide to see how she's feeling about the pre-date. She says, "Can I be honest? I really want to keep hanging out as buds, but there's no spark for me."

I'm pissed and get very quiet. She can tell that I'm upset.

The bill comes and I pay (I had said before that I'd wanted to do this). She says that she wants to hang out some more and talk and that she'll pay for a couple of rounds, but only if I'm comfortable. I acquiesce and we start talking about relationships, dating, that sort of thing. It's less awkward than right after she said what she said to me, but there's a different dynamic than when the night began.

So we go outside to leave. She gives me a hug and says that the ball's in my court. She says goodbye and I get in my car and drive home half-drunk, upset, and frankly, a little distraught. It was not my finest hour.

Last night shouldn't be a big deal to me, but this "no spark" [censored] has happened to me non-stop over the last few months. And I'm getting the dates in the first place, so I obviously come off pretty well at first. (This has happened for girls I've met in real life at first, too.)

I feel like I'm in a poker game where everyone's folding everytime I get a big hand. It's like I have some "tell" that's obvious to everyone else, but that escapes me completely.

I haven't made a huge effort to date much over the past year, so I'm surprised that this stuff upsets me so much. I'm generally pretty aloof about most things, but the constant rejection is wearing me down.

Thoughts?

(Yes, I'd like to have SIIHP.)

[Boris]

haha! you're getting played. wait a couple weeks and then call her back.

[A_C_Slater]

Your mistake was asking her how she felt about the pre-date. It seemed like it was obvious to you how she was feeling. Your insecure questioning and need for 100% confirmation turned her off.

[[censored]]

keep trying it will happen for you. good post.

when chatting with the girls trying be more aggressive. Do things like start the conversation with "hi gorgeous" and do other flirting that takes it completely our of the friendship arena and puts them in a dating mood.

[RacersEdge]

For one thing, I wouldn't have pushed the non-date issue. What's there to gain? It sounded like you were hitting it off - just let the good times keep flowing. Some girls don't like guys when they first meet them anyway, but change as they get to know them better. Maybe you are that type of guy.

[mason55]

[ QUOTE ]
keep trying it will happen for you. good post.

when chatting with the girls trying be more aggressive. Do things like start the conversation with "hi gorgeous" and do other flirting that takes it completely our of the friendship arena and puts them in a dating mood.

[/ QUOTE ]

Good post. If you're looking for a girl to hook up with or have a relationship, say something IMMEDIATELY that makes it obvious that you're not looking for a friend.

What you say is up to you as you'll have to find something that fits your personality, but make it obvious and make it a compliment.

Edit: Example: I never use myspace except when it tells me i have a message. I put up some good pictures about a year ago and get message once a week or so. I got a message tonight from a pretty cute girl that said "hi you look cool" so I replied "thanks, looked at your pictures, you're a great looking girl. want to get together sometime?" got a response in 5 minutes "i'm hanging out with a friend, we both think you're cute, come to my place"

just let them know what you want and don't [censored] with the friend b.s.

[[censored]]

I also don't like how he gave all the power in terms of where the relationship to her, especially when there was no reason to. It was a first date no need to define anything just let the good times roll and procede as you want the relationship to be until you get a sign that says otherwise.

[mason55]

Yeah, the relationship was over the second that happened. Even if there WAS a spark, she had already put on the pants.

Before you met you were either getting denied or you were going to be her bitch for the next however many months/years.

[KaneKungFu123]

[ QUOTE ]


The bill comes and I pay (I had said before that I'd wanted to do this).


[/ QUOTE ]

too bad she didnt realize what a nice you are, then she'd have sucked you off in the bathroom.

"www.match.com"

Jesus Christ Dude. What kind of girls are using that website? Go to the library or something. Its equally dorky but still real life.

[The Goober]

Asking her what she thought was a huge mistake. She clearly likes to keep things low-key, but you forced her to commit one way or the other (while also making it obvious what your feelings are). You put her in a corner and she took the easy way out.

You may be doing this more than you realize.