Women are from Mars, Men are from Venus

[IrishHand]

I never have quite figured out why the sexual urges of men & women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Mars & Venus thing. And, I never have figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart. And, I never yet have figured out how the sexual desire gene gets thrown into a state of turmoil, when it hears the words "I do".

One evening last week, my wife and I got into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me."

I said, "WHAT??" So she says the words that I and every husband on the planet dreads. She explains that I'm obviously not in tune with her emotional needs as a "Woman". I'm thinking, "What was her first clue?" I finally realise that nothing is going to happen that night, so I go to sleep.

The very next day we went shopping at a big department store...walked around while she tried on three very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take, so I told her to take all three of them. She then tells me that she wants matching shoes worth $200 each to which I say OK.

And then we go to the Jewellery Dept. where she gets set of diamond earrings. Let me tell you ...she was so excited. She must have thought that I was one wave short of a shipwreck, but I don't think she cared. I think she was testing me when she asked for a tennis bracelet because she doesn't even play tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I told her that it was OK.

She was almost sexually excited from all of this and you should have seen her face when she said, "I'm ready to go, let's go to the cash register I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No, honey. I don't feel like buying all this stuff now."

You should have seen her face it went completely blank. I then said, "Really honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while." And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, "You obviously are not in tune with my financial needs as a "Man."

I figure that I should be having sex again sometime during the spring of 2005.

[patrick dicaprio]

one small step for man, a giant leap for malekind. good thing for you there have been a number of posts discussing internet porn, sounds like you'll need them. but its all worth it.

Pat

[brad]

true story about how i didnt get laid.

playing backgammon with girlfriend (ok, she had a set and everything, she was into it.)

we're playing a 3 point match and im up 2-1.

after like 2 or 3 rolls (early in game), i ask her why shes not doubling. (i was up 2-0 and then she won so she can double this game).

she looks at me and says she doesnt want to.

i explain how its a freeroll for her, but she says shes never played with the cube and doesnt like to double.

so i ask her why we're playing with a cube if she doesnt want to use it, and she tells me that she doesnt want to ruin my fun of using doubling cube (or something like that).

so now im so thrown off my game i lose the next two games and lose match 3-2.

women.

[Easy E]

... and turned a losing situation into a winning one...

but i'm confused, where did the sex or lack thereof come in?

[Easy E]

Because I thought I'd read something similiar to this (a joke, or something) a while ago....

If this IS yours, you get points for balls, but now you can't use them...

[IrishHand]

Of course not - but it works better in the first person. [img]/forums/images/icons/smile.gif[/img]

[brad]

cause we got into an argument about why she wouldnt double. (im a little argumentative sometimes)

[AmericanAirlines]

Ummm... and you *are* a winning poker player?

LOL.

Anyways... what's to understand? Women's entire bodies are engineer for having children. Therefore they are different from Men, who are engineered to "get" women.

It's simply god's engineering or evolution (you pick, I don't know who's right on that issue, but it is as it is).

Come on now, women have menstrual cycles for chist sakes... men to not.

Now as for the buying being so "exciting"... think in terms of Maslow's hierachy of needs that have to be fulfilled in order:

1. Basic needs (food, shelter, etc.)
2. Sex
3. Personal Achievement
4. Enlightenment
(best as I can recall 3 and 4)

So what all the spending represented was the fullfillment of Level 1... so then comes Leve 2.

Come on now, don't tell me the guys out there don't feel more like sex after eating right?

I suspect this is why rich, powerful guys are a turn on to women, even if Mr. Rich Powerful is ugly (as testified by a survey in Cosmopolitan).... because he can easily meet level 1.... which leads to level 2.

So the answer kiddies is that you need to be Good Looking, and Rich if you really want to get the ladies excited... because Level 1, i.e. basic survival, has been codified as money in our society... and well Good Looking never hurts... after all who wants to be the sugar daddy if she's going to cheat with the body builder down at the local pub?

Remember, the twin pillars of American Culture are where? New York and Hollywood... Wall Street and "The Diamond" ...
Looks and Money...

"Same as it Ever Was".

Geez, isn't it all so obvious? It's the universal circle... Man wants Woman -> Women want babies -> But every man had a mom to wipe his but when he was a kid -> So men owe women providership.

Well, maybe it's not obvious... after all I suck at Hold'em.

Sincerely,
AA