forgive me tommy for i have sinned...

[mike l.]

...it has been 10 hours since i last played hold em.

i had Ts2s in the big blind. utg raised. she plays pretty tight tommy. she probably has a big pocket pair, or AK, or AQ. she doesnt play well after the flop though, she's surely a losing player, at least this is how i tried in vain to justify my sin. 3 people cold called her raise, some bad players, and one other particularly tight player. the sb called and i looked down and saw my suited trash tommy. i thought of the great oz, that master of deceit and numbers, that false prophet, father of my folly. first i thought of him saying that right now could be the start of a 300 big bet losing streak. but then i remembered a post he made several months ago where he urged us to play hands like 73s for a raise in the big blind w/ two players in. i had been doing so well all night, folding all sorts of seemingly worthwhile hands in both blinds. throwing away 92s for one chip in the sb. but i sinned tommy, i sinned bad. i put 3 more chips in the pot w/ my Ts2s.

the flop was T32 rainbow. i bet into the raiser in desperation hoping she could protect my weak two pair, the vulnerable fruit of my twisted flop addiction. she did and i felt temporary relief until the other tight player in the cutoff made it 3 bets. this is not a gambling man. i feared a set of tens, or possibly a set of 3s (but that made little sense really, i was so delirious by then from my morbid blind-calling perversion, so torn up inside, nearly feverish from the sweltering sin that then rested on my sad, sad soul), posisbly ATs? oh tommy help me! why did i fall again into this cavern of torment? my teeth gnash helplessly at what this foe may have against me. i just called, so uncertain, so afraid, and then utg caps it!! woe is me! cutoff calls w/ not a sign of worry on his face, and i too, call, on the verge of fainting, shaking in abject terror, and perhaps foaming a little at the mouth.

and then it got worse tommy. an A appeared on the turn. it was my turn to act. first to act. first to claw madly, frantically at the gate of the fiery furnace i had now locked myself in. what more could i do, but check. check and pray. pray it gets raised so i can escape with a shred of a soul, with a shred of life to still live. why tommy why? why didnt i listen to you? you told me how to win, you shared with us the secret and i fell, i fell so low. and i saw before me andy fox's recent posts: "playing a hand like this: check, check, call, call, call, call, check, check, call, check, call, check, check, check, check, call, call is bad mojo". why had i betrayed him? why had i ignored his wisdom? what would soon befall me? i imagined what life would be like as a pillar of salt.. could i upgrade to mrs. dash? but i checked, my hands bound by my sin, compunding itself, confounding myself, rapping my dirty bloody knuckles on death's green felt. i checked. utg bets, fast, wryly, confidently, angrily. it's a raw, hard 6 chips. i wince and pray for cutoff to end my misery, to raise and show me mercy so i can run screaming from this hell. but he just calls. i call, knowing at this point that it's far far too late, that this is my destiny, that i earned this torturous agony.

the river is an 8. i check again almost blind, now grimacing from the pain. utg bets, confirming my worst fears, cutoff folds, as if mocking me, probably laying down AT or a set, making the sort of laydown that i, in my blind folly, in my rampant blind sin, could never make. no. i must see it. i must see my own death. i call.

nevermind that she had QQ (and cutoff claims he did as well) and that i won the pot. i have learned my lesson tommy. lo, i have walked through the valley of the bad blind call and i have bloodied and bruised my feet enough. i am a changed man. tell me my penance tommy because nothing can be worse than the death of the soul that is playing suited trash in the blind.

[mikelow]

ni han sur. Play it! Don't listen to Tommy so much!

[andyfox]

Well, if calling with crap from the blinds is going to inspire a post like this out of you, I'm all for it.

Wonderful post.

[andyfox]

. . .you could have avoided winning this big pot if, like me, you refuse to look at your second card when the first card is a deuce.

[FishyWhale]

I also make these preflop calls - and awesome post! If this wont become one of the all-time best humorous posts on 2+2 I´ll eat my pants!!!

[Tommy Angelo]

"tell me my penance tommy"

I'm sorry son. You cannot be forgiven through the usual channels, for you do indeed know what you do. But because you are special, I have found it in my heart to make right right, to bring justice upon an otherwise unjust world. It was meant for you to feel more pain for your transgression. Financial pain. So, as a favor, I will accept the amount of the pot you should not have won, payable to me at my new religious institution:

The Pragmatically Hedonistic Church of Secular Christianity.

May John Bonham travel with you in spirit on your life journey.

Tommy

[mike l.]