A [censored] BAT

[mmbt0ne]

Let me give you the rundown of my night last night.

[poker]First, I play Nottom in a HU match for the CHUMP/MILF tourney going on in the micro forum, and manage to suck out enough to win.[/poker] Now, it's probably 10 or 10:30, and I'm pretty bored. I end up watching the end of Law and Order and kept watching the news afterwards. On the news, they did a piece about the free frosty weekend, and I was hungry, so it made perfect sense. Also, the Will Ferrell SNL was coming on soon, so I got in my car and headed to Wendy's and then a friend's house.

Well, thanks to being back in the suburbs, Wendy's closes at 11 on a Saturday night, so no eating great, even late for me. I go to my friend's house, disappointed I don't have a frosty and watch the Will Ferrell SNL. It wasn't very funny. The writers suck hard now. In an attempt to salvage the night we watched Closer, which I hadn't seen. It's a pretty good movie.

Ok, so that was basically the set up for this. I get back to my house at like 3 or 3:15 and watch something on HBO or TMC or some movie channel. I plan on crashing on the couch in the living room because it's comfortable and no one else is home, so I won't get woken up early.

Anyway, it's probably around 3:45 and I'm almost asleep, when my golden retriever starts chasing something through the living room. I see it flying around by the TV, so I figure it just another moth, because we get those a lot. A couple minutes later it comes by again, and this time I'm not so sure it's a moth. It's flying pretty high and it looks like it's flapping pretty hard. It can't be a bat. We don't get bats in the house. The neighbors across the street get bats in their woods, and around their pool at night, but this is a house, no bats in a house.

I hear a couple more fly-bys and I finally decide to turn on the light. Yup, it's a bat. THERE'S A FUC[/b]KING BAT IN MY HOUSE!! HOLY GODDAMN SHI[/b]T MOTHERFUCKER ASDFJA;SLFKJASD;LFKJDSF!!!!

It takes me a minute or two to comprehend what's going on here, and I have to figure out how to get this bat out of my house. It's not a little bat either, it's got about a 10 inch wingspan. All I know is bats don't like light, so I start turning every light on this level of the house on, and turn the stairway light on too so that it won't go upstairs. The whole time I'm doing this, I'm constantly looking over my shoulder waiting to be divebombed by a pissed off bat, and carrying my comforter for protection against said divebomb.

Anyway, long story short (relatively), there's a lot of yelling at my dogs to get the bat, a lot of me swinging a blanket as it flies around the house, and a lot of me ducking like a little bitch when it comes near me. By about 4:30 this is getting old. I've been trying to run this thing out the open doors for almost an hour now, and it's not working. I end up getting it close to the door, but then it turns and starts flying at my face. All I can do it scream like a bitch, and swat at it with the blanket. I connect and the bat is twitching on the hardwood.

I throw the dog blanket over the bat, and try to figure out how to get it outside, because it's not dead, and I'm sure not going to touch it. Interesting side note: good thing I never ended up killing it, because apparently they're endangered. Somehow, I end up giving up on the bat removal plan, and actually fall asleep in the recliner. I wake up about an hour later to hear that god damn bat squeaking and the same golden retriever playing with something in the corner after moving her blanket off the bat. That bitch.

So, I have my second fight with the bat of the night, and this time, manage to get it out the door with the help or a broom, a blanket and a sheet. All of which are still on the front porch right now because I haven't openned the door. I slept with all of the lights on, and I'm still scared to open doors on the other levels of my house because I haven't purified all rooms of possible bats. That's all.


tl;dr - Play HU match. Watch L&O and news, get hungry. No frostys cause Wendy's closes at 11. Will Ferrell SNL sucks. Closer is a good movie. Get back home at 3. See bat flying around house at 3:45. Fight with bat until around 4:45 when I knock it out. Fall asleep. Wake up at 6, and my dog freed the bat from his blanket prison. Fight with bat part 2 until 6:45 when I knock it outside with a broom. Slept with all the lights on, and still afraid to open doors.

[purnell]

Dude, it's a [censored] BAT! A mouse with wings! Are we that far removed from the time when if you wanted to eat, you killed something? (Killed something yourself, I mean.)

[gorie]

i thought me and peachy were the only girls that posted here ?

[mmbt0ne]

Are you suggesting I kill the bat and eat it rather than go out for a free frosty?

[InchoateHand]

My avatar is a bat that was entertaining my cat in the kitchen. I managed to grab it before the cat did. Silly buggers.

[Eurotrash]

I'm picturing the scene in Black Sheep where Farley and Spade are in the cabin tangling with the bat


"We'll open the refrigerator door and it'll turn on the light - bats are attracted to light!"

"That's moths, you dumbass, not bats."

[purnell]

No, since you most likely have plenty of better food, e.g. a frosty. I am suggesting that you check your gut, grab the little bastard and toss it outside.

edit: Gloves are allowed, since the little fella could conceivably bite you.

[mmbt0ne]

</font><blockquote><font class="small">En réponse à:</font><hr />
I am suggesting that you check your gut, grab the little bastard and toss it outside.

[/ QUOTE ]

That was going to be my dog's job, but once the lights were turned on she became a giant pussy too. Balls are a minimum in the mmbt0ne household.

[TimM]

I would not [censored] with trying to grab a bat, even with gloves on, unless someone could guarantee me it doesn't have rabies. Then no big deal. Without that guarantee, I'd be using blankets and brooms and stuff like that.

[Brain]

There was one in our house in high school, but only my mom was home at the time. She said she didn't freak out too much which kinda surprised me. It was in my room and she said she opened the windows and shut the door and came back upstairs later and it was gone.

I was working for our housing and conferences office in college during summer breaks and there was one terrorizing 9 &amp; 10 year olds in a dorm. I grabbed my lacrosse stick and headed across campus. I gave it a semi-solid whack and eventually chased it down the hall and down the stairs. (I also escorted a squirrel out of the same dorm for the same kids.)

I know they're probably not going to hurt me, but they're still a little disconcerting when they're flapping by your head.