The Abominable Crime

[Zeno]

I have finally decided to post this story as it is good gossipy news, delightfully perverse, and it being election night; we need a diversion. Least anyone think I am making the story up, and to make sure it passes censorship, it comes directly from a book called, The Best of the Raconteurs, published by the Folio Society of London, 2000. The story appears on page (believe it!) 69. The story is quite true and funny, especially the very last sentence - which is as interesting as it is comical.


THE ABOMINABLE CRIME as recounted by Michael Green.

Reporting the Assizes I was astonished at the number of men accused of making love to animals. Northants was still a rural country then and a bicycle the chief form of transport for farmworkers, so perhaps it wasn't surprising given the perversity of human nature. Some unfortunte farm laborer, wearing the labourer's uniform of thick grey flannel trousers, incongruously topped by the upper half of a double-brested chalk-striped grey suit, and a shirt with collar stud but no collar, would stand with head bowed in the dock of the ancient Assize Court while the clerk read the charge. This was couched in the most awe-inspiring language, something like this: '...that you did commit and perpetrate the abominable crime, to wit BUGGERY, with a sheep, the property of Thos. Hardcastle, at Guilsborough, an April 21st 1948....'

The Abominable Crime became a catchword in the office. 'Much at the Assizes?' Eric would ask and get the replay, 'Oh, only a criminal assault and a couple of abominable crimes.'

The evidence would proceed ponderously.

'As a result of a complaint by a farmer I kept watch on a field near Smith's farm, Rothersthorpe, on the night of July 5th. I saw the defendant enter the field. There was a screeching noise and he came out doing up his clothing.'

Under cross-examination: 'What was the defendent's manner when he came out?'
Very furtive, sir.'

Inevitably a learned gentlemen from the Home Office Forensic Laboratory at Nottingham travelled sixty-five miles to give evidence, and as this rarely amounted to much more than that the sheep was a sheep, judges sometimes abused them for wasting public money. The animal was always destroyed. I asked a policeman why this was and he said cryptically, 'They might get a taste for it, you see.'

[andyfox]

From The Book of the General Lawes and Libertyes Concerning the Inhabitants of hte Masachusets of 1648:

"If any many or woman shall LYE WITH ANY BEAST, or bruit creature, by carnall copulation; they shall surely be put to death: and the beast shall be slain, & buried, and not eaten"

Seems like a waste of two perfectly good pieces of meat.

Then again, here were some other capital crimes:

"If any man after legal conviction shall HAVE OR WORSHIP any other God, but the LORD GOD: he shall be put to death"

-Sound familiar?

"If any man or woman be a WITCH, that is, hath or consulteth with a familiar spirit, they shall be put to death"

-I wonder what an unfamiliar spirit would be. . .

"If any man LYETH WITH MAN-KINDE as he lieth with a woman, both of them have committed abomination, they both shall surely be put to death: unless the one partie were forced (or be under fourteen years of age in which case he shall be seveerly punished)"

No lie a man tells another man is anyway near to the lies he tells a woman.

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[HDPM]

In my state we still have "The Infamous Crime Against Nature" on the books. It is so infamous the crime isn't defined in the statute. It is used sometimes in child molesting cases. Bestiality happens, but is rarely prosecuted because it is rarely reported, thank goodness. I had a secretary who thought the crime was an environmental crime consisting of cutting down redwoods and such. Boy was she surprised when she learned what it was. [img]/forums/images/icons/grin.gif[/img]

There was a guy in court in my state charged with the crime involving a cow. A smart-ass lawyer friend of mine told me that the guys's defense was that the cow consented; i.e. "I thought she was saying "More!" your honor." You do have to say "more" with the appropriate bovine inflection for the joke to work right.

[Matt Flynn]

Good story Zeno. The British Navy did the same up through the mid-1800's. The bugger was hanged from the yardarms, and they traditionally fed the goat to the guy who ratted on him.

[Boris]

What's so baaaad about screwing a sheep?

[scalf]

[img]/forums/images/icons/tongue.gif[/img] sheep have cute little faces...never complain..do not know if they cook very good tho....gl [img]/forums/images/icons/smirk.gif[/img]

[Ginogino]

Boris:
It's a truth in advertising issue. It messes up the claim that some garments are made out of virgin wool.
Gino

Reminds me of how a few years back a couple of guys were caught in the act in the back of a Canada packers truck. One of them said to a reporter "I prefer sheep to women, what's the problem".