Need help explaining to wife about poker!

Hello all, let me give you a little run down on my situation. I have dealt poker at a local casino for the past year or so and I work 7pm-3am. So on my off days I stay on the same schedule and there is not much to do late at night. I don't smoke, drink, or go to bars. I like to play poker and am a consistent winner. My situation is I play once a week to once every other week and my wife thinks this is too much. I wait till she goes to bed, I use money from winnings (absolutly nothing out of our checking account), and I wait till she goes to bed till I leave and I give her some of the money that I win. We have no kids and we have been married 6 months. She is really getting on me for going. She thinks I am a compulsive gambler...... I tried that poker is a casino skill game (from Rounders), but still does not work. She likes to watch a soap show that she tapes during the day and a couple sitcom shows, so I told her if she doesn't watch her shows I wont play. Something I like to do - something she likes to do. We'll see if that works. Any suggestions from someone that has gone through this or from anyone would be great.

Thanks

[Jason Pohl]

That's quite a predicament you are in. I've been married for almost 2 years. I experienced some similar obstacles to you, for different reasons, and I was asking to play a lot more than once a week. Here are some things you might try.

1) Let your wife know you will quit if she wants you to quit. Bottom line: Poker is not as important as your marriage. Let her know that.

2) Tell her why you play poker. Point out its entertainment value, and it's intrinsic value over other forms of entertainment AND gambling. Normally, it costs money to have fun, and if you are winning, you have a unique situation....that's a great advantage and puts forward the mindset of poker as a hobby.

3) Tell her that you are just as concerned about gambling addiction, and you want to work with her to set ground rules that would make her feel calm. This is where a separate bankroll is most important. One assist: you might use the definition of addiction or look up symptoms of Gambling Addiction to help show her how serious you are.

4) Stop giving her money. If you go on a bad streak, you need your bankroll. The real disaster occurs if you need to pull money out of your paycheck to play.

5) Make a deal with her regarding what to do with your winnings. In conjunction w/ #4, agree upon an amount to have in the bankroll. She'll probably aim lower than you...point out that a) mathematics shows that a larger bankroll is needed; b) you still will never take money out of paychecks, so adding to bankroll ASSUMES that you will be winning (and therefore entertainment time is free); c) offer to put bankroll in a savings account (such as ING...online, decent rate, fairly liquid); d) Offer to put all extra money above bankroll amount into debt or some other good destination. BTW...my wife and I agreed to a large bankroll of 600 Big Bets...but your wife probably would not agree to such an extravagant amount. Luckily for me, my wife is a semester from a Math degree and understands the concept of Standard Deviation and fluctuations.

As a dealer, you can probably relay some of the stories you've seen...you'll particularly want to focus on the bad ones of addicts playing with rent money. If you do, you will be able to say that you've seen how bad it can get and promise your wife you would NEVER EVER jeapordize your futures for a game like poker, no matter what.

Hopefully, this combo will work. Basically, it comes down to collaboration...create a deal where your wife is making the rules, and she will likely be far more tolerant in the LONG RUN. And that's the crucial part...you don't want this coming up every three months.

Good luck.

[brad]

you need to watch that old john wayne movie, 'the quiet man'.

needless to say, im single.

Thank you for the suggestions. I will try a compromise. It was hard enough getting her to agree to having my own bankroll.

[Kurn, son of Mogh]

This is a mostly good post with one glaring flaw. If you tell her #1 up front, she won't listen to the rest and you're through playing poker.

Strike #1 from this discussion or it will become a "prove your love" issue. If there is still pushback after all the rest of the points are made, #1 can be thrown in. Using it up front guarantees the end of your poker life.

[Abagadro]

Just tell the bitch to shut-up and make you some fried chicken.



<kidding>

[Fitz]

This is a very difficult situation; most people have such a negative impression of poker that it can be nearly impossible to get through to them.

I would say first be honest; poker isn't worth the BS that comes from lying and getting caught.

Use reason and statistics to make your point, but be careful and don't beat the subject into the ground in one sitting; I have found that is the surest way to lose an argurment with my girlfriend. It should help if she can see your bankroll growing from your play. Also, keep as detailed records as possible; hard evidence certainly helps your case.

Remember on thing, you'll probably never make her love poker; she'll have friends and family telling her horror stories when they discover her husband "wastes" his time playing poker. Bring her along slowly, and realize there are limitations to this type of situation.

I have almost an opposite problem. My girlfiend likes to play, and she is terrible; she always plays 10 4 because it's lucky!!! I've tried to teach her, but she is one of those who doesn't play often and just likes to gamble. We rarely play at the same table, but when we do, the only rule is that I can't checkraise her when it's heads up; that's a rule for my safety not hers... lol. The real problem is that she knows I'm a long term winner, and she keeps trying to spend my bankroll! Couches, drapes, chairs, refigerators... etc. etc. She needed a new alternator for her car last week, so she called and told me to get busy on Paradise!

Oh well, I guess we all have our women problems. As Norm once said on Cheers, "You can't live with 'em.... Pass the beer nuts."

Good luck with the wife,

[HDPM]

I would not compromise and I would not quit. I would be very concerned that she wants you to quit something that you like and is harmless if controlled, etc... Your idea about her show was OK. But I would never ask my wife to quit a hobby that was harmless. She would never tell me I should quit a hobby either. If it really affects the marriage, that's different. Take a hard look at your relationship. GL.

I don't have a wife but many of my friends have problems with wives/poker. Not uncommon but if problem continues I'd get rid of her.

[Warren Whitmore]

Read and apply "How to win friends and influence people" its an oldie but a goodie. It works.