best strip club stories

[STLantny]

This weekend inspired this post. Please tell us your best ones.


Friday night, I went out with a buddy who was in town from college for a wedding, so we went to the local bar, got messed up drinking manhattans and decided to go to the nudie joints. I just got a nice new box of 2004 Cohiba anniversie and we each had one while watching some boobs. BTW this is only my 3rd time at a strip joint. We are enjoying the cigars and a girl walks up and asks if I want a private, so, I say sure. She asks if I want to put the cigar down, so I have 2 hands available (i guess very liberal strip club policies??) I decline. I figure all men should experience one at some point. So she takes me into this little booth area with a curtain, and pulls it closed. Starts doing her thing, boobs in my face etc, then she turns around, and stands/sits on my lap, and sticks her ass up, like 8 inches from my face, then in one sweeping dancing motion sits up and whips around. Well all of a sudden, I hear this popping and crackling noise, and Im like WTF is that smell. Then she starts screaming MY HAIR IS ON FIRE OH MY GOD PUT IT OUT. At this point I stood up took her hair in my hands and put it all out. I started smirking a little, then she started laughing, and i starting rolling. I said Im very very sorry, and then she went back to do her thing. All in all a good night in my book.

[Alobar]

according to my friend he got chlamyidia in his eye from a stip bar......you should be careful [img]/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img]

[jakethebake]

Once I creamed in my pants because a semi-attractive (in that lighting) woman (an actual woman!) looked and me, and touched me! I felt so cool. Then I went and told everyone on the internet.

[FishBurger]

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according to my friend he got chlamyidia in his eye from a stip bar......you should be careful

[/ QUOTE ]

Interesting. A very similar thing happened to one of my friends. He was sitting at the stage when some stripper bent over in front of him and enveloped his nose with her pussy. A few days later: nose herpes.

[Chaostracize]

Nose herpes. Now there's a phrase you don't hear everyday.

Your friend was pnwed.

[Edge34]

[ QUOTE ]
Once I creamed in my pants because a semi-attractive (in that lighting) woman (an actual woman!) looked and me, and touched me! I felt so cool. Then I went and told everyone on the internet.

[/ QUOTE ]

You're certainly good at shitting on people's fun... [img]/images/graemlins/tongue.gif[/img]

[FishBurger]

[ QUOTE ]
... because a semi-attractive (in that lighting) woman ...

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You got that right. I saw a picture of one of my friends who had been hogtied, whipped, and magic-markered by some hos at a strip club. The picture was taken with a flash camera and it really opened my eyes to how hideous some of those girls are.

Make sure you're good and liquored up if you go to one of the cheapie joints.

[Alobar]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Once I creamed in my pants because a semi-attractive (in that lighting) woman (an actual woman!) looked and me, and touched me! I felt so cool. Then I went and told everyone on the internet.

[/ QUOTE ]

You're certainly good at shitting on people's fun... [img]/images/graemlins/tongue.gif[/img]

[/ QUOTE ]

dont mind him, hes one of those haters that tries to make it sound like has a ladies man cuz hes to good for the titty bars.....theres one in every group

Titty bars are fun, I dont care if you couldnt get a woman if your life depended on it, or if you can pull in hot ass without even blinking. Its just fun times. Why do you think rock stars and athletes go to titty bars...you think they cant get pussy at the drop of a hat? They go cuz its a good time.

[cielo]

[ QUOTE ]
Well all of a sudden, I hear this popping and crackling noise, and Im like WTF is that smell.

[/ QUOTE ]


Oh, I swear that at this point I thought she farted in your face or something.

cielo

[gumpzilla]

Unlike the prevailing trends so far, my entertaining strip club story does not involve personal injury or new and exciting forms of venereal disease.

A few years ago, I went on a trip with one of my college friends and some of his buddies to Montreal; at the time I was invited, I was told I was the token white guy to help them get back across the border. Two of the guys on the trip (one of those guys being me) had never been to a strip club prior to this adventure. So we were initiated at the infamous Club SuperSexe (the extra E denotes that it is Extra classy.) I've heard that it might have been shut down since then, which is too bad; I've been to a few more strip clubs since then, and none have matched this place in terms of hotness of strippers and buying power of an American dollar.

One of the guys had won $200 playing blackjack at the casino earlier in the day, and was buying table dances for all. These are a happy medium between lap dances and just watching chicks on the stage; you get more personal interaction/attention without the full-on dry humping of a lap dance, which is a good thing for those of us interested in not alienating the girlfriend or contracting jeans gonorrhea. The girl who was dancing for me was a tall, hot blonde named Melinda. She had a rockin Quebecois accent, which I'm inadequately trained to convey in print. The whole experience made me surprisingly nervous, for some reason. I was sitting in what was essentially an office chair, rocking back and forth and twiddling my thumbs. At some point shortly after she'd smacked me in the face with her thigh, the following exchange takes place:

Melinda: Are you nervous?
Me: Hmm? No! Of course not! I'm just a twitchy dude. Can't sit still!
[Melinda nods, and begins writhing again. Approximately 5 seconds later . . .]
Melinda: BOO!
Me: Ha! That was a good one! You sure showed me!

Thankfully this ended not too soon thereafter. When I went back to my table, Melinda followed me back and told the guy who'd been buying everybody dances that she also did a lesbian act for $30 Canadian that we could all watch. Intrigued, we hurriedly followed her off to a back table, where she jumped up and spread her legs. Somehow in this process, she'd managed to communicate to her friend that she was ready to go, apparently, because within seconds a brunette pops up, declares "Hello, I'm Dominique!" Introductions all around. Melinda then announces, "We'll just get going, this is a good song." The song is "In the Air Tonight," by Phil Collins.

Dominique promptly begins chowing box approximately a foot and a half away from us. Melinda looks like she's having a good time. This is looking like a pretty enjoyable way to spend $30 Canadian. The more we watch, the more Melinda really seems to be enjoying herself. Eventually, she can no longer contain her ebullience, and begins singing at considerable volume (and in silly Quebecois accent) "I CAN FEEL IT COOOOOOOMING IN MY POOOOOO-SEE TONIGHT . . . . HOLD ON!!!!" All of us sitting around the table are completely and totally nonplussed; we begin looking at each other confusedly. Melinda keeps singing, and from somewhere, I hear "SHUT UP!" The music stops abruptly at this point; the only thing lacking is the scratching of a needle across a record. Dominique pops up at this point, saying "What about me? I've been waiting for this moment all my life, too!" We shake our heads, grab our coats and head out into the street, where we practically collapse in a drunken, giggling mess.

I almost forgot to mention, but it goes without saying that I cannot hear this song anymore without giggling.