Life Lessons from Watching Porn

[tek]

Life lessons from watching porn:

01. Women wear high heels to bed

02. Men are never impotent

03. When going down on a women 10 seconds is more than satisfactory.

04. If a woman gets busted masturbating by a strange man, she will not scream with embarrassment, but rather insist he have sex with her.

05. Women smile appreciatively when men splat them in the face with sperm.

06. Women enjoy having sex with ugly middle-aged men.

07. Women moan uncontrollably when giving a blow job.

08. Women always orgasm when men do.

09. A blow job will always get a woman off a speeding ticket.

10. All women are noisy fjcks.

11. People in the 1970's couldn't fjck unless there was a wild guitar solo.

12. Those tits are real.

13. A common and enjoyable sexual practice for a man is to take his half erect penis and slap it repeatedly on a woman's butt.

14. Men always groan 'OH YEAH' when they cum.

15. If there is two of them they 'high five' each other ( and the girl isn't disgusted! )

16. Double penetration makes women smile.

17. If you come across a guy and his girlfriend having sex in the bushes the boyfriend won't bash seven shades of [censored] out of you if you shove your cock in his girlfriends mouth.

18. There's a plot.

19. When taking a woman from behind, a man can really excite her by giving her a gentle slap on the ass.

20. Nurses suck patients cocks.

21. Men always pull out.

22. When your girlfriend busts you getting head from her best friend, she'll only be momentarily pissed off before [censored] both of you.

23. Women never have headaches.

24. When a women is sucking a man's cock, it is important for him to remind her to 'suck it'.

25. Assholes are clean.

26. A man ejaculating on a woman's butt is a satisfying result for all parties concerned.

27. Women always look pleasantly surprised when they open a man's pants and find a cock there.

28. Men don't have to beg.

29. When standing during a blow job, a man will always place one hand firmly on the back of the kneeling woman's head and the other proudly on his hip.

30. Pigtails = handlebars.

31. All women are bisexual.

[oddjob]

every guy has a gigantic tool,
1 in 50 women do as well.

[YourFoxyGrandma]

Deja vu.

[BeerMoney]

ATM doesn't stand for Automatic Teller Machine, it stands for Ass To Mouth.

[jakethebake]

Any woman/women found in the following situations will immediately rip their clothes off and throw themselves at you, if there's no one else around:
- Hitchhikers
- Working late in an office
- Parking attendants
- Scout troops mothers in uniform when no scouts are around
- Policewomen
- Firewomen
- Housewives
- Pretty much any woman that has a good body

[Rick Diesel]

All women love a finger in their ass while having sex.

[Rick Diesel]

Saying things like "Yeah, take it all b*tch!" is encouraged.

[Alobar]

number 19 is actually true

[BeerMoney]

[ QUOTE ]

09. A blow job will always get a woman off a speeding ticket.



[/ QUOTE ]

Well, if you were the cop?

[jakethebake]

[ QUOTE ]
number 19 is actually true

[/ QUOTE ]
I thought they all were... [img]/images/graemlins/confused.gif[/img]