David Sklansky's Primal Urges Math Problem

[CrisBrown]

Hi All,

The time is 10:50pm, and David Sklansky is comfortably ensconsed in his den, preparing to watch ESPN SportsCenter at 11pm, not because he is a casual viewer but because on this night, in the 11pm broadcast only, they are going to air a segment on why he is the greatest mind in the history of poker. He does not know when this segment will air, but based upon an analysis of ESPN's scheduling patterns, he estimates the probability of it being shown in each quarter-hour block as follows: 00-14 -- 21%; 15-29 -- 27%; 30-44 -- 23%; 45-59 -- 29%. Alas, David's TIVO is not working tonight, nor is his VCR, and ESPN will not air this segment during their hourly rebroadcasts through the night, so he'll have to watch it when it's broadcast.

However, at 10:51, Mrs. Sklansky sashays into the room wearing a nightie sewn from only .18m^2 of fabric which, coincidentally, is 40% cotton and 60% nylon spandex. She leans into him and purrs softly in his ear: "Oh, David, I want you to differentiate my delicate folds and perform a regression analysis upon my tiny nub until my uterine synapses fire with ever-increasing amplitude at a frequency ranging between three and five per second." (Well, she does know how to turn him on, after all.)

David is now torn between two primal urges: that of having conjugal relations with his wife, and that of bearing witness when ESPN acknowledges what he has long known.

David has, of course, studied the arousal patterns of his wife, and knows that she is best satisfied by a lick rate which accellerates along an inverse square curve over a period dictated by her FAC (Female Arousal Coefficient). He must estimate her FAC using olfactory analysis, but on this night he has a mild head cold (1.8961 on a scale of 1-5), so he cannot be positive of his analysis. Should he make the attempt and fail to satisfy her, there is a 0.93 probability that she will engage in a harangue at a volume sufficient to make it impossible for him to hear the broadcast.

If his FAC analysis indicates that he could satisfy her in a period of X minutes, but due to his head cold he knows the standard error deviation for that estimate to be 6 minutes, what must X be for him to have at least a 95% chance of seeing himself lauded on ESPN?

Cris -- with tongue firmly planted in cheek

[daveymck]

He will be 100% sure to both pleasure his wife and watch himself on the tv.

He has Tivo or a VCR.

[slickpoppa]

Cris, do you write Harlequin romance novels?

[BarronVangorToth]

Am I the only one wondering if your masterbatory urges for total site domination will only be sated once you are the subject of every topic on the front page of the WPT forums?

All of this done solely to avoid admitting you were wrong in the first place in making such an idiotic wager, and then backpedaling it away to being your online poker monies at one specific site.

If I was still a teenager and my mom spent her time as you apparently do (getting kicks from making moronic arguments against famous people) I'd move in with my grandparents.

Barron Vangor Toth
www.BarronVangorToth.com

[CrisBrown]

Hi davey,

The problem specified that neither his TIVO nor VCR were functioning.

Cris

[byronkincaid]

Good post Cris

[CrisBrown]

Hi slick,

I did when I started writing. Now I write suspense and (yes!) comedy.

Cris

[daveymck]

[ QUOTE ]
Hi davey,

The problem specified that neither his TIVO nor VCR were functioning.

Cris

[/ QUOTE ]

Damn in my plan to see a quck witty reply to this I didnt actually read the queston.

I change my answer to 100%, as he would ring his good friend Mason Malmuth who would record it for him. They will then watch it the next day while in the hot tub along with Grannny and Big Mo.

[cornell2005]

[ QUOTE ]
"Oh, David, I want you to differentiate my delicate folds and perform a regression analysis upon my tiny nub until my uterine synapses fire with ever-increasing amplitude at a frequency ranging between three and five per second." (Well, she does know how to turn him on, after all.)



[/ QUOTE ]

this is actually funny

[Superfluous Man]

The real question is why anyone would be at home watching ESPN when they could be meeting with Paul in a dark alley to run a non-consensual train on an unsuspecting 12 year old girl.

Do I win the thread?