31 Things Guys Should Know About Girls

Beer and Pizza · #1 09-04-2004, 06:36 AM

Written by a guy. After years of experience.

1. Whatever you do, don't just show up at their house...they run around in their underwear just like we do.

2. Don't cheat on them. It may seem foolproof, but girls tell each other everything about everything. Trust me, they WILL find out and you will be SOL.

3. Beware of every single male relative and all guy friends. Any of them would kick your butt at the drop of a hat, and a lot of them wouldn't even wait for the damn hat.

4. Never miss an opportunity to tell them they're beautiful.

5. Don't REFUSE To kiss in front of your friends. If they laugh at you, it's because they're jealous.

6. If they slap you hard, you deserved it.

7. Don't be afraid to touch them if you want to. If they're going out with you in the first place, it's because they like being in your arms.

8. If you don't sleep with them, do not tell your friends that you did.
8.5. If you DO sleep with them, do not tell your friends that you did.

9. You can be dirty minded in private, really...most of them are not offended by it...

10. Not all of them eat like birds, a lot of them can eat like whales.

11. Most of them don't mind paying half of everything, but they do discuss these things with their friends. Realize that if you make your girlfriend pay half all the time, everyone will know about it and your friends will know you're a wussy.
11.5. Do you honestly need all your money that much? Be a man, pay all the time!

12. Every girl should eventually get three things from her boyfriend- a stuffed animal, one of his sweatshirts, and a really pretty ring. Even if it's not a serious relationship. (but scratch the ring part...thats kinda scary...a pretty necklace will do just fine...plus their easier to wear)

13. Make sure she gets home safely as often as you can. If you're dropping her off, walk her to the door. If you aren't dropping her off, call to be sure she's home safely.

14. If a guy is bothering her, it is your right to kick the crap out of him.

15. If you're talking to a female friend of yours, pull your girlfriend closer.

16. Never, ever slap her, even if it's just in a joking way. Even if she swats you first, and says, "Oh, you're so dumb" or something, never make any gestures back.

17. Go to a chick flick once in a while. She doesn't care whether you enjoy it or not, but she will appreciate it . It just matters that you went.

18. You're dead meat if you can't get along with their pets, parents and best friends. Be prince charming to their friends, Mr. Polite to their parents, and make sure to be nice to their animals.

19. Don't flirt with their moms...that's just freaky.

20. Don't be freaked out by PMS. It's not gross, and it really does make them feel like crap, so be understanding.

21. If you don't like the way they drive, you do it.

22. If you're officially dating, and you're introducing her to your friends, you'd better damn well introduce her as your girlfriend.

23. Don't stress where you go for every date. They really only want to be with you.

24. If they complain that something hurts, rub it for them without being asked.

25. Girls are fragile. Even if you're play fighting/wrestling, be very gentle.

26. Memorize their birthdays. You forget her birthday and you're basically screwed for life. This goes for phone numbers too.

27. Don't marinade the cologne.

28. Don't give her something stupid for her birthday or Christmas or Valentine's day. It doesn't have to be expensive, but it has to be meaningful.

29. If you think the relationship isn't going to last, don't wait to find out. It will only hurt you more if you draw it out.

30. After you've been dating for a while, realize that they really have started to trust you. When you have a girlfriend who truly trusts you, you have a lot more responsibility, privilege and control than you would think. Be careful with it, most guys would kill for that kind of power, and it can be lost in a nanosecond.

31.Don't ever do anything wrong. girls remember things for life and anything you did wrong Can and will be used against you in the future.

Equal · #2 09-04-2004, 06:41 AM

That was not written by a guy. Give me a break lol.

Al Mirpuri · #3 09-04-2004, 06:56 AM

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That was not written by a guy. Give me a break lol.

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It may or may not have been written by a guy but it made a lot of sense.

spamuell · #4 09-04-2004, 07:02 AM

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That was not written by a guy. Give me a break lol.

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The poster calls themselves "Beer and Pizza". Well, I'm convinced.

spamuell · #5 09-04-2004, 07:05 AM

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11. Most of them don't mind paying half of everything, but they do discuss these things with their friends. Realize that if you make your girlfriend pay half all the time, everyone will know about it and your friends will know you're a wussy.
11.5. Do you honestly need all your money that much? Be a man, pay all the time!

[/ QUOTE ]

Seriously, STFU.

As for the rest of your advice, not all the other girls are like you.

(By "you" I mean whoever originally wrote this because it's obviously ripped from a random, ridiculous website.)

rtrombone · #6 09-04-2004, 07:59 AM

I'm reminded of Dave Chappelle's take on every women's magazine with a list of 101 ways to please your man. He said there should be only four things on that list: suck his dick, play with his balls, make him a sandwich and don't talk so much.

Beer and Pizza · #7 09-04-2004, 08:02 AM

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Be a man, pay all the time!

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Seriously, STFU.

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A bit money-obsessed are we?

No one's going to pry an extra dollar out of you.

spamuell · #8 09-04-2004, 10:15 AM

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A bit money-obsessed are we?

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I'm just not a patriarchal idiot who still thinks it's 1895.

Homer · #9 09-04-2004, 10:43 AM

I have no doubt that it was written by a woman.

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1. Whatever you do, don't just show up at their house...they run around in their underwear just like we do.

4. Never miss an opportunity to tell them they're beautiful.

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Don't give them unexpected attention, but give them unexpected attention.

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6. If they slap you hard, you deserved it.

16. Never, ever slap her, even if it's just in a joking way. Even if she swats you first, and says, "Oh, you're so dumb" or something, never make any gestures back.

[/ QUOTE ]

But she deserved it.

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8. If you don't sleep with them, do not tell your friends that you did.
8.5. If you DO sleep with them, do not tell your friends that you did.

11. Most of them don't mind paying half of everything, but they do discuss these things with their friends. Realize that if you make your girlfriend pay half all the time, everyone will know about it and your friends will know you're a wussy.

[/ QUOTE ]

You shouldn't talk about her behind her back, but it's okay if she does.

I could go on, but this whole list makes me want to puke.

spamuell · #10 09-04-2004, 11:31 AM

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I could go on, but this whole list makes me want to puke.

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Completely agree.

Like the location now btw, not sure how long you have had it for but I haven't noticed it. But then, you haven't been posting that often in SS recently (other than streaks, which was very good to reiterate).