Favorite Simpsons Quotes

[Homer]

Since this was just done for the Family Guy, I figure why not do it for the Simpsons as well!

My first place vote is...

Homer: Look kids! I just got my party invitiations back from the printers.

Lisa: [Reading the invitation.] "Come to Homer's BBBQ. The extra B is for BYOBB."

Bart: What's that extra B for?

Homer: It's a typo.

Second place is...

Homer searches under the couch for a peanut.

Homer: Hmm...ow, pointy! Eww, slimy. Oh, moving! Ah-ha! [looks, then says remorsefully] Oh, twenty dollars...I wanted a peanut!

Brain: Twenty dollars can buy many peanuts!

Homer: Explain how.

Brain: Money can be exchanged for good and services.

Homer: Woohoo!

-- Homer

[nolanfan34]

This is fitting given the recent threads on this site, but here's my favorite:

Episode where Lisa joins Springfield's contingent of MENSA members, bringing their overall ranking up from 264 to 263 (if I remember correctly).

Comic Book Guy - "Take THAT. East. St. Louis."

Cracks me up every time.

[daryn]

i remeber the first time i saw this one. i don't laugh out loud often but i laughed loud and long with this one:


homer installs a tennis court in his yard and mr. burns comes to the house and asks to play. someone says "mr. burns, don't you already have a tennis court?" and i think smithers says that he got rid of it to make way for that "human chess board".


then it cuts to a shot of said human chess board, just a bunch of guys standing around on a board dressed up like pieces, presumably playing a game of chess.

one of the pieces is like, "mr. burns has been gone for a while, i'm making a run for it."

so all these white pieces run away and the white king yells out in distress "wait, protect me!!" while a bunch of black pieces jump on him and start beating the sh!t out of him.






wow, long story, but it was priceless.

[offTopic]

I have many Indian friends and coworkers, with differing views on arranged marriages.

The entire "The Two Mrs. Nahasapeemapetilons" episode had me in tears.

The airplane: "Air India - We Treat You Like Cattle"

---

Apu's mother: 10 boats and a electric fan, you call that a dowry?

Manjula's mother: OK, we will throw in a textile factory as well. But only because Manjula is getting on in years.

---

Marge: I've been looking over this list for the ceromony. I've got the extra wine glasses but I'm still short a Tandoori oven, an elephant and four castrati.

Bart: What's a castrati?

Marge: I don't know but I'm sure it's something spicy.

---

Homer: Also I think I'm getting a bed sore. What do you have to do to get turned round here [she begins]. Hey, what's Lucky joined up to?

Woman: It's a machine that breaths for him.

Homer: And here I am using my own lungs like a sucker. And how come everyone has a bed pan and I have to walk all the way other there!

[Ed Miller]

I sleep in a drawer.

[felson]

Homer: Uh... you have any sugar around here?
Scorpio: Sugar? Sure. [fumbles in his pockets, takes out a few handfuls of sugar] There you go. Sorry it's not in packages. Want some cream?
Homer: Uh... I... no.

===

It's criminal that they cut the "cream" line out of the syndicated version.

[daryn]

that is my favorite episode by far.

[Chris Daddy Cool]

The end of that one episode where Homer hires a private eye to spy on Lisa so Homer would know more about her, but Homer doesn't pay him, so he sets Lisa up and Homer and Lisa have to go on the run and they run into the private eye at a carnival.

The end scene in the house of mirrors and Lisa blinds the private eye with a laser.

[ QUOTE ]
Homer: How ironic... After a lifetime of using his eyes to see, he can't see anymore.

[/ QUOTE ]

Or something like that. Who knows the exact quote?

I couldn't stop laughing.

[Diplomat]

Homer in the gun store. (Homer = H, Owner of the gun store = O)

*click click click*

O: "Woah...! Carefull there, Annie Oakley!"

H: "I don't need to be careful, I've got a gun"

O: "Well you probably will want the accessory kit...holster...bandoleer...silencer...loudener... speed cocker.."

H: "ooooooo, I like the sound of that"

O: "...and, this is for shooting down police helcopters."

H: "Ohh, I don't need anything like that...yet. Just give me my gun!!"

O: "Sorry, the law requires a five-day waiting period...we've got to run a background check."

H: "Five days! But I'm mad now!"

-Diplomat

[daryn]

ha.. then they play the song "the waiting is the hardest part" while he has to sit and watch all the "targets" go by.