Adultery IS a Sin

[David Sklansky]

"A "wronged" spouse might want to get a divorce if they found out that the other spouse had thoughts of committing adultery. Or if they called a 911 number. Or if they said they were on their way home immediately, but instead stopped off for a beer. Or a few hands of poker. Or if they sent a donation to Bill Frist.

Meanwhile, by not knowing these things, the couple stayed together and, instead of their children coming from a broken home with all the resultant deleterious consequences, raised a family where the children had two parents, and they all went to work for Habitat for Humanity.

So I guess I'm asking if it's a sin to not have complete and total honesty between two spouses. Or is it a greater sin to jeopardize an otherwise wonderful relationship, which has benefits for all parties involved, for the sake of admitting to one sin/mistake."

You can argue that an exception can be made IF there are children involved and if the wronged spouse is capable of wanting a divorce for trivial reasons. The argument totally falls apart if there are no children. Or if the wronged spouse is not hysterically hyersensitive. I don't believe that the exceptions to the general principle I mentioned can be used as an excuse to keep quiet about something as dishonest as adultery.

[David Sklansky]

See my reply above to Andy Fox.

[chezlaw]

So is this an example of when its totally wrong to act in your own self-interest?

(Assuming your definition of wrong)

chez

[David Sklansky]

"So is this an example of when its totally wrong to act in your own self-interest?

(Assuming your definition of wrong)"

There are myriad examples. But I never said that people should avoid doing what is wrong. I certainly don't.

[Alex/Mugaaz]

[ QUOTE ]
"I want to post a rebuttal to this one because I'm pretty sure I see some cases where this logic doesn't hold up. Just to be sure beforehand, are you saying that as long as there some sort of agreement that is broken it is unethical to withhold information that may end in a breakup. However, as long as there is no agreement it is ethical to withhold any information even if it would result in breakup, EVEN in the case that you were certain this information would surely result in a breakup?"

No. It is only OK to withhold information if there was a pror agreement that it was OK.

[/ QUOTE ]


What if the (insert act here) was committed prior to the start of the relationship, and years down the line you find out that due to some belief or strong reason they are incapable of being with a person who has ever committed such an act. Are you ethically bound to tell them? Would this be a sin if you witheld the information?


If the answer to this is yes, at what point during the relationship are you ethically bound to tell them?

If the answer is no, then is the only reason it is unethical because you are breaking the agreement?


(I agree with what you are saying, but I'm not sure the reason is correct)

[David Sklansky]

"What if the (insert act here) was committed prior to the start of the relationship, and years down the line you find out that due to some belief or strong reason they are incapable of being with a person who has ever committed such an act. Are you ethically bound to tell them? Would this be a sin if you witheld the information?"

If the act in question was something that you had until now no reason to believe would, upon its revelation, cause her to want a divorce, (and thus you didn't purposely withold it,) a good case could be made for keeping it a secret. because now it is YOU who had years stolen from you if she would unreasonably seek a divorce because you let's say watched Life of Riley when you were a kid.

Obviously adultery doesn't fit this criteria.

although this scenario is purely about if the WIFE should be told so SHE can have a better life. so if they have kids or not should not really matter, however personally i think it should have some affect towards preserving the marrige if she does. -see below-

i think in order to answer this one needs to know what is the percentage the couple has to stay togher (90% she wont care after 50 years) but whats percentage on now? also whats actual percentage he/she wont cheat ever again, although he tries promises himslef never to again because he loves his wife. also what are his moral veiws on cheating? does he think intercourse with another women is merely sex or an intimate bond between two people reserved for married couples and people in love?

from above - (this brings a whole new thread for DS to bring up, keep the marrige together for kids your kids sake, adn argue endlessly or get a divorce and potenetially remarry and be happy (without arguinG)however limited time will be spent with one parent and obv psycological issues that follow(weather or not parents will remarry two diff scenarios) two choices, unhappy home,broken up home

[Jim T]

[ QUOTE ]
"So is this an example of when its totally wrong to act in your own self-interest?

(Assuming your definition of wrong)"

There are myriad examples. But I never said that people should avoid doing what is wrong. I certainly don't.

[/ QUOTE ]

Let's not forget that by committing adultry, you are introducing the potential for various STDs. If your spouse trusts you not to cheat on her, and has unprotected sex with you based on that trust...

[David Sklansky]

"A "wronged" spouse might want to get a divorce if they found out that the other spouse had thoughts of committing adultery. Or if they called a 911 number. Or if they said they were on their way home immediately, but instead stopped off for a beer. Or a few hands of poker. Or if they sent a donation to Bill Frist."

I should also point out that even silly reasons to want to get a divorce do not give the guilty spouse an excuse to lie if not committing those acts were specified before the marriage, as a conditon of the marriage. And don't you mean 976 numbers?

[miami32]

David,
I will not even bother to offer discussion on the many topics that have been discussed in this section of the forums but I will say that the way you just explained adultry made me not ever want to cheat on a spouse ever again.

Granted I'm a 25 year old male who has never considered marriage but I have had a one year and two year relationship and I cheated on both women. I'm pretty sure if they had known that information during the relationship they would have chose to break up with me at the time and I'm sure that they would have wanted that time back.

In all honesty I know that I only care about myself and I do these things that I know would clearly hurt them. Yet I try as best I can when I spend time with the women I date to treat them like gold.

It's odd because I can find no reason for this except for the fact that I just really enjoy sex so I choose to sleep with as many women as possible. Yet I still enjoy many aspects of relationship life.

The funny thing is every time I cheat I always justify it by saying well I'm not going to marry her so who cares. Then I tell myself when I find the right one I'm sure I will be faithfull.

What a terrible person I am when it comes to the way I treat relationships and women.

Geez. That was quite an alarming look at myself.