Who Is More Of A Man?

[benfranklin]

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Comparing me to a young puppy is deffinately the strong silent approach that just excudes manliness according to bison.

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I didn't compare anyone in particular to a young puppy. I'm not manly enough to actually confront anyone.

[Straussman]

I could hardly disagree with you more. The best thing to do in this situation, assuming you are too thin-skinned to put up with some verbal abuse and unable to talk the guy down, IS to complain (or "tell teacher", or "tell mommy," or however you might want to put it, I don't really care). Violence is the last option because it is the worst option, and therefore the stupidest option to voluntarily take. Once a fight starts, you cannot necessarily control how much it escalates. "He started it" isn't a defense when you are the one who escalates the confrotation by suggesting a fight (which, by the way, an invitation to "step outside" clearly is). Lose or win, you have commmited a crime by suggesting the fight and can go to jail. There are people sitting in prison with a life sentence because they weren't able to deal with verbal abuse properly and had to show that they were macho, and then things got out of hand. And inviting a guy to step outside hoping he won't accept is a sucker's bet. You might win that bet, but you might also lose, and lose bigtime.

There are a number of things you can try in a situation like this without resorting to violence. ANYTHING you can do that avoids violence is the smart thing to do, period.

First, you can try to verbal the guy down with some humor...Someone suggested a "What the f***?" approach, which is not bad at all.

The second step, if the first one doesn't work and the abuse is too severe and you are unable to shrug it off, is to make it clear to the other guy that the abuse is getting out of hand and if it doesn't stop, you will complain. If this doesn't work, the third step is complaining. The fourth step is usually walking away.

I agree 100% with the post that says someone who lets this sort of thing get to them to the point of inviting violence is pretty insecure about their own masculinity. Fighting, except when absolutely necessary in self defense or the defense of others, is grade school sh**. If you think different, you have some issues you need to work out. Not everything in life is a game that you must win. You don't have to "win" every situation to prove your worth. Some times, knowing when to "play" is more than half the battle.

[emp1346]

all of you who are fans of the "i'm telling! whaaaa!" approach have absolutely NO SELF RESPECT...

you should expect nothing less than mutual respect among poker players... allowing someone to continue to berate and act like a jack*ss creates an environment with no respect...

if you don't have the integrity to stand up for yourself, well... i truly pity you...

[RPatterson]

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Comparing me to a young puppy is deffinately the strong silent approach that just excudes manliness according to bison.

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I didn't compare anyone in particular to a young puppy. I'm not manly enough to actually confront anyone.

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Don't you mean you are too manly to confront someone?

[RPatterson]

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Erostratus brings up a valid point. Suppose you suffer a bad beat, and your opponent goes off on a Mike Matusow-esque tirade, perhaps like the one we saw on TV recently.

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An excellent example. What did Fossilman do in that situation? Who won and who lost that little confrontation? Who looked like a man and who looked like a ignorant brat?

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You should re-read the post your commenting on, because he states that the person never apologizes and doesn't stop, unlike Mike.

[CrisBrown]

emp,

When I was working in radio, a long time ago, I had the opportunity to cover my local NFL football team. I was interviewing one of the offensive linemen, a huge giant of a man. It was a night game, and his was my last interview, and I wasn't thrilled at the prospect of walking to my car in the dark. So I asked him if he would walk me to my car, and he graciously agreed.

Well, as we left the locker room entrance area, one guy was screaming obscenities at this player. He had had a holding penalty at a critical moment in the fourth quarter, and the fan was being truly absurd about it. Finally the fan came up and shoved him ... or tried to. The player simply shook his head and walked away, going with me to my car, while the fan screamed even more obscenities at him.

When we got to my car, I asked if he got that kind of thing a lot, and told him I was very impressed with how he'd handled the situation. He said that yes, he did get it a lot -- apparently a lot of NFL athletes do -- and said it wasn't at all difficult to walk away.

"After all," he said, "it's not like I need to prove how tough I am."

Now, it seems to me that if this undeniably macho guy can ignore verbal insults and even a physical attack, while in the presence of a woman, and a reporter at that ... anyone who thinks he needs to be able to back up his words with his fists is pretty insecure about himself, and oughtn't to be questioning others' self-respect.

Cris

[RPatterson]

The reason that NFL player didn't pound the jackass fan is BECAUSE a reporter was present. Are you retarded? Seriously.

And anyone who kicks ass is insecure? This is just getting ridiculous. I can't believe you guys are serious. So if the NFL player said [censored] you dude you want to brawl we will brawl, does that mean he is really scared deep down?

[Duke]

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And anyone who kicks ass is insecure?

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It depends why they're kicking said ass.

Your example with the football player is definitely one of a security issue.

~D

[Bremen]

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So if the NFL player said [censored] you dude you want to brawl we will brawl, does that mean he is really scared deep down?

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Fighting with fans is a real good way to lose your job in the NFL.

How about looking at this as a poker hand? What does he gain by fighting the fan? He beats up the fan, so what? He's the favorite anyway, no one is going to be surprised, no one is going to congratulate him. Even if he avoids any legal trouble by arguing self denfence, he wins absolutely nothing. (well one less annoying fan, but there is an ocean of them, come to philly sometime ;0) On the other hand the fan might very well be carrying a concealed weapon. So its a bet where you gain nothing when you win, and possibly lose your life when you lose.

[CrisBrown]

Hi Ero,

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The reason that NFL player didn't pound the jackass fan is BECAUSE a reporter was present. Are you retarded? Seriously.

And anyone who kicks ass is insecure? This is just getting ridiculous. I can't believe you guys are serious. So if the NFL player said [censored] you dude you want to brawl we will brawl, does that mean he is really scared deep down?

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Even if I'm not there, what exactly does the NFL player stand to gain by pounding the snot out of this fan? Will he prove he's tougher than the fan? Gee ... there's a shock. The NFL player knocks heads with other highly-trained, equally huge athletes on a daily basis. Of course he can pound the snot out of some scrawny, drunken fan!

But in doing so, he's likely to be arrested for battery, and create a P.R. nightmare for his team. He'll probably be suspended by the team and/or the league, if not end up in jail. All of that because some drunk called him some bad names and tried to shove him? Sorry, but he has not one thing to gain, and a whole lot to lose, by "standing up for himself."

What too many young males (like yourself, Ero) fail to grasp is that when two adults get into a fight, it's NOT guaranteed to be the one-or-two-punches-and-a-few-tough-words exchange that happens in a schoolyard. People can, and often do, get seriously injured or even killed. Are you willing to KILL someone to prove you won't put up with a few insults? Because if you're not, and you start that fight, you may very well find someone who IS willing to kill ... and after the first punch has been thrown and he breaks a bottle, or pulls out brass knuckles, or a knife, or a gun, it's a little late to say "Whoa, I didn't mean THAT kind of fight...."

That's why I've told my sons: "Never get into a fight unless you are willing to kill or die. If it's not worth killing or dying for, it's not worth fighting for."

If you threaten my kids, I will fight ... and I'm not going to be just throwing a punch or two. I'm going to be trying to kill you, and I'm willing to die in that attempt, rather than let you harm my children. My kids are worth killing or dying for. A few insults and bad words at a poker table are not.

If you can't comprehend that distinction ... then you have a whole lot to learn about life.

Cris