I am retarded
 

I hate flies

fly lands on me

I strike full speed at fly

I miss

I realize fly had landed on now smashed crotch

I puke as nuts climb into my stomach [img]/images/graemlins/mad.gif[/img]

Re: I am retarded
 

One morning I wake up and my arm is completely numb. I raise my arm over my head but can't hold it up and my arm smacks me across the nose, nose bleeds.

Re: I am retarded
 

A friend I have constantly sits on his nuts. At least your mishap was a freak accident, his is a habit.

Re: I am retarded
 

I think I win.

I'm playing neutral EV roulette with a plastic roulette wheel I have at home against a friend where 0 means spin again. I make a bet with him that if the ball lands on red he has to give another friend who is coming round a full, wet kiss on the lips and if it's black I do.

I say "ahahha sucker, we never agreed that I had to spin the wheel first," and try to put the ball down on red on the stationary wheel. I put it on black.

Re: I am retarded
 

[ QUOTE ]
I think I win.

I'm playing neutral EV roulette with a plastic roulette wheel I have at home against a friend where 0 means spin again. I make a bet with him that if the ball lands on red he has to give another friend who is coming round a full, wet kiss on the lips and if it's black I do.

I say "ahahha sucker, we never agreed that I had to spin the wheel first," and try to put the ball down on red on the stationary wheel. I put it on black.

[/ QUOTE ]

awesome

Re: I am retarded
 

I leave work at 5:00pm in Dallas.

I get home at 5:45pm and lay down on the couch.

I fall asleep.

I wake up.

The clock shows 7:15.

I yell [censored] and rush to shower and get dressed.

I speed and arrive at work at 7:58.

12 hours early!

Steve

Re: I am retarded
 

[ QUOTE ]
I leave work at 5:00pm in Dallas.

I get home at 5:45pm and lay down on the couch.

I fall asleep.

I wake up.

The clock shows 7:15.

I yell [censored] and rush to shower and get dressed.

I speed and arrive at work at 7:58.

12 hours early!

Steve

[/ QUOTE ]

classic. get east and west confused huh?

Re: I am retarded
 

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
I leave work at 5:00pm in Dallas.

I get home at 5:45pm and lay down on the couch.

I fall asleep.

I wake up.

The clock shows 7:15.

I yell [censored] and rush to shower and get dressed.

I speed and arrive at work at 7:58.

12 hours early!

Steve

[/ QUOTE ]

classic. get east and west confused huh?

[/ QUOTE ]

If I had not been in such a rush I would have looked around and noticed. I also was listening to CDs in the car so I did not even wonder what happened to the Morning Show.

Steve

Re: I am retarded
 

[ QUOTE ]
I think I win.

I'm playing neutral EV roulette with a plastic roulette wheel I have at home against a friend where 0 means spin again. I make a bet with him that if the ball lands on red he has to give another friend who is coming round a full, wet kiss on the lips and if it's black I do.

I say "ahahha sucker, we never agreed that I had to spin the wheel first," and try to put the ball down on red on the stationary wheel. I put it on black.

[/ QUOTE ]

LOL, nice "accident."

Re: I am retarded
 

I grab a roach with a napkin while yakking on the phone. I do the routine squish, but am not paying attention, and get a face full of roach guts.