Zeno
03-15-2004, 06:01 PM
[A word of explanation. The following post has been modified from an original post of eons ago that first appeared in the Other Topics Forum. I am bored with doing taxes and stumbled across the original post hidden in an old computer file. Thus, I am reposting this for the general education, edification, and elongation of the forum populace (in both the Book Forum and in the News, Views and Gossip Forum). Any reference to a living person or persons is wholly hallucinatory by the reader and the author takes no responsibility for mental decay or brain imbalances thus induced. Read with caution.]
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Delusional aspirations are good for the soul, but since I do not believe in the existence of a soul (a pox on Pythagoras and his ilk); I must submit to elementary egoism for the following statement. I plan to write an Autobiography. In fact, it is already in the antediluvian stages as a cloudy memory in my overblown head. To promote the release of this tome that is sure to rival all those Potter books, I have a few things to announce to the throbbing masses.
First, since substance is meaningless in America, a fake image, puffery, shameless promotional activities, and advanced blubbery will be disgorged and pumped into the media pipeline before the book is released.
Second, in keeping within the spirit of my first item, the title of my Autobiography is:
The Gospel of Zeno: My Life as a Smart Ass Genius.
Third, the front cover will be a close-up photograph of ME - in austere black and white for that serious and pretentious look that is sure to stir controversy and inflame book reviewers, especially the pedantic mob of human slime that infest that rag called “The New York Review of Books”.
And, in keeping with book release tradition, here are a few ‘Advanced Praise’ comments that will be tacked on the back cover.
Zeno is a genius!
-eLORY
I found nothing in the book about preflop strategy or blind structures.
-Clarkmeister
I found nothing in the book about chess or baseball.
-Dynasty
Exquisitely elegant; I was deeply moved and also …ah, excuse me; I have to go to the bathroom.
-Andy Fox
Zeno is cute (for an old man)
-Pokerbabe
High quality gibberish.
-Tommy Angelo
This book is a crime against humanity (and it does not depend).
-D. Sklansky
All my books was Gooder
-M. Malmuth
He flunks every test.
-MajorKong (ed miller)
Zeno is a communist.
-Natedogg –doggystyle-dog
This book is useful for target practice but useless as fish bait.
-Ray Zee
I think he cheats at pot-limit.
-Matt Flynn
Breathtaking – Fast paced – Monumental! (Just like the rakes at the Bike).
Rick Nebido
Where’s the billiard part?
-Jimbo
Will the movie be better?
-J. Cole
What! – No music?
J. Feeney
I didn’t understand the sex part.
-Ulysses
onb’ni jvoipje pjon [lp lkmji likjvoi jnlikv ieh ivno 8jhp nhoi 6er v poJ pji9u0um [lojjpa pij . Uphihihjq pvjpo 9-uij, [ojk n[[[rniy9 lkfjiie[p][ ;n oiw8 porjn l;mo. 9nmpo a9pj,m bob0 oojbpo [i0-u- [ojbn=-0[bj-0-wb03—gjb[w=vil3 opbvo9 povn lpvm[0,-[[0bi.
-elysium
Zeno is part of the axis of evil; he’s next on the list.
-MMMM
I would sue if the moron had money (I liked the gun part).
-HDPM
Dog Vomit.
-Zeno of Elea
Bee Pollen.
-Zeno of Citium
Pay no attention to those last two guys; they are dead.
-The real Zeno, a True American Original, Legend, Genius, Misanthrope, and part-time plumber and TV repair man.
************************************************** **********************
Delusional aspirations are good for the soul, but since I do not believe in the existence of a soul (a pox on Pythagoras and his ilk); I must submit to elementary egoism for the following statement. I plan to write an Autobiography. In fact, it is already in the antediluvian stages as a cloudy memory in my overblown head. To promote the release of this tome that is sure to rival all those Potter books, I have a few things to announce to the throbbing masses.
First, since substance is meaningless in America, a fake image, puffery, shameless promotional activities, and advanced blubbery will be disgorged and pumped into the media pipeline before the book is released.
Second, in keeping within the spirit of my first item, the title of my Autobiography is:
The Gospel of Zeno: My Life as a Smart Ass Genius.
Third, the front cover will be a close-up photograph of ME - in austere black and white for that serious and pretentious look that is sure to stir controversy and inflame book reviewers, especially the pedantic mob of human slime that infest that rag called “The New York Review of Books”.
And, in keeping with book release tradition, here are a few ‘Advanced Praise’ comments that will be tacked on the back cover.
Zeno is a genius!
-eLORY
I found nothing in the book about preflop strategy or blind structures.
-Clarkmeister
I found nothing in the book about chess or baseball.
-Dynasty
Exquisitely elegant; I was deeply moved and also …ah, excuse me; I have to go to the bathroom.
-Andy Fox
Zeno is cute (for an old man)
-Pokerbabe
High quality gibberish.
-Tommy Angelo
This book is a crime against humanity (and it does not depend).
-D. Sklansky
All my books was Gooder
-M. Malmuth
He flunks every test.
-MajorKong (ed miller)
Zeno is a communist.
-Natedogg –doggystyle-dog
This book is useful for target practice but useless as fish bait.
-Ray Zee
I think he cheats at pot-limit.
-Matt Flynn
Breathtaking – Fast paced – Monumental! (Just like the rakes at the Bike).
Rick Nebido
Where’s the billiard part?
-Jimbo
Will the movie be better?
-J. Cole
What! – No music?
J. Feeney
I didn’t understand the sex part.
-Ulysses
onb’ni jvoipje pjon [lp lkmji likjvoi jnlikv ieh ivno 8jhp nhoi 6er v poJ pji9u0um [lojjpa pij . Uphihihjq pvjpo 9-uij, [ojk n[[[rniy9 lkfjiie[p][ ;n oiw8 porjn l;mo. 9nmpo a9pj,m bob0 oojbpo [i0-u- [ojbn=-0[bj-0-wb03—gjb[w=vil3 opbvo9 povn lpvm[0,-[[0bi.
-elysium
Zeno is part of the axis of evil; he’s next on the list.
-MMMM
I would sue if the moron had money (I liked the gun part).
-HDPM
Dog Vomit.
-Zeno of Elea
Bee Pollen.
-Zeno of Citium
Pay no attention to those last two guys; they are dead.
-The real Zeno, a True American Original, Legend, Genius, Misanthrope, and part-time plumber and TV repair man.