Wedding Registry-- who, what, why [Archive] - Two Plus Two Older Archives

Chobohoya

10-20-2005, 04:31 PM

I'm looking for advice on the whole wedding registry situation. We've got the china/silver part all taken care of, I'm more looking for what experiences people have had with the more modern routes-- williams sonoma, amazon, whatever.

Those of you who have recently done this, where and for what did you register? What did you actually end up getting?

Those of you who have had friends or friends children get married recently(that applies to some of you right?)-- what would you consider getting?

jakethebake

10-20-2005, 04:33 PM

Ya gotta do Home Depot.

You can really register for anything you want. Just make sure you register for things in a variety of price ranges. How much of it you get will depend largely on how many people you invite to your wedding.

swede123

10-20-2005, 04:34 PM

My wife and I went with Bed, Bath & Beyond and Sears. This way we covered all the cooking/houseware crap with BB&B, as well as tools, outdoor equipment and so on (Sears). We also mentioned to anyone who asked that Home Depot gift cards were very welcome, and we ended up getting a few thousand bucks in gift cards like these. This probably came in the most handy for buying materials for landscaping, fixing up the house and so forth.

Swede

4_2_it

10-20-2005, 04:38 PM

Register at a place that has crap that you really want/need. Select items in a variety of price ranges to allow your guests flexibility. Don't select anything that you aren't prepared to keep (or won't be embarrassed discretely exchanging). If you have guests that are geographically dispersed register somewhere that has a web site.

EDIT - We got all kinds of picture frames, photo albums and candle stick holders /images/graemlins/confused.gif that weren't on any list I ever put together.

Chobohoya

10-20-2005, 04:39 PM

Home Depot is a great thought-- but I dont have a house and won't for a while. I'm in law school right now, does that change anything?

jakethebake

10-20-2005, 04:43 PM

A friend of mine also let his parents set up a downpayment fund for a house they wanted to buy. Basically people just hgave the money to their parents to hold until they were ready to buy a house.

The Armchair

10-20-2005, 04:43 PM

[ QUOTE ]
Home Depot is a great thought-- but I dont have a house and won't for a while. I'm in law school right now, does that change anything?

[/ QUOTE ]

BB&B is the place to go. They let you return items for cash.

4_2_it

10-20-2005, 04:45 PM

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Home Depot is a great thought-- but I dont have a house and won't for a while. I'm in law school right now, does that change anything?

[/ QUOTE ]

BB&B is the place to go. They let you return items for cash.

[/ QUOTE ]

We have a winner /images/graemlins/laugh.gif

rohjoh

10-20-2005, 04:46 PM

I went to a wedding recently were the bride and groom registered at Tiffany. That is just obnoxious.

My wife and I did Crate and Barrell and Macy's. You would be suprised at how much of the stuff you register for you actually get. Just register for a wide range of items and prices. You need to give everyone an option that is in there budget. Target also is an option, and the things you do not need or want you can actually exchange for things you will use from Target.

swede123

10-20-2005, 04:46 PM

Like the other posters said, just go for stuff that is a) stuff you want, and (more importantly) b) easily exchangable. You will inevitably still receive gifts that are neither useful nor accompanied by receipts/from your registry, and when that happens take it to Dillard's, or similar department store. In my experience, these guys are quite liberal when it comes to accepting returns w/o receipts or anything, the only downside is that they'll usually give you store credit. Still, it sure beats having three identical casserole dishes, when you make casseroles about once every three decades. I remember having to return some stuff we didn't need, including this little hand powered chopper/mixer thingie. Well, it turned out Dillards only carried a similar, smaller model of the same item, so they ended up giving me an extra ten bucks in store credit when returning it.

OK, enough rambling.

Swede

M2d

10-20-2005, 04:49 PM

the key is to register at a place where you shop anyway and to register for anything and everything. if you think you might want it, register for it.

a big place like macy's will take it back and you'll have credit. if your list is too limited, guests may not be able to find anything in their price range and might go the on-sale-at-Ross route of everyday flatware. if you get some ugly candlestick holder at macy's, though, you'll easily be able to return it for credit, and be able to use it for clothes, or whatever down the line (or even other wedding gifts).
An added benefit for you is that you don't have a house yet. I'm assuming that storage is limited, and a nice flat giftcard that you get from returns is much easier to store than an unreturnable vase from joe's discount mart.

StevieG

10-20-2005, 05:02 PM

[ QUOTE ]
the key is to register at a place where you shop anyway and to register for anything and everything. if you think you might want it, register for it.

[/ QUOTE ]

This (plus making sure to list things of differing prices) is great advice. You may be surprised by how many people are generous to you. It's a once in a lifetime kind of thing, too. Go ahead and list it.

Plus, a lot of placees give you a discount after the wedding on items from the registry not purchased. Which means any cash gifts people give you can go further.

phage

10-20-2005, 05:07 PM

peachy

10-20-2005, 05:12 PM

Neiman Marcus

StevieG

10-20-2005, 05:38 PM

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
You may be surprised by how many people are generous to you. It's a once in a lifetime kind of thing, too. Go ahead and list it.

[/ QUOTE ]

I would say that this is a once in a lifetime kind of thing so don't abuse people's generosity...

[/ QUOTE ]

Abusing generosity is when someone offers to take you to dinner and you start ordering caviar and truffle mousse.

Provided that you register with a variety of items so that people do not have to spend a lot of money on your gift, you should feel comfortable listing a lot of things on the registry.

Homer

10-20-2005, 05:56 PM

Is it considered in poor taste to not register and ask for cash instead? Because right now, that's my plan.

phage

10-20-2005, 06:03 PM

[ QUOTE ]
Is it considered in poor taste to not register and ask for cash instead?

[/ QUOTE ]
I've always felt that it is bad taste to ask for cash. However it seems that this is becoming very popular.

AriesRam

10-20-2005, 06:04 PM

Based on my experience, forget about the china/silverware crap. I've been married 3 1/2 years now, and the china has never even been unpacked. I'll be stunned if we use more than 5 times in our life.

Target, at least the stores around my area (St. Louis) have a lousy return policy. Namely, when you return something, you have to pick out a replacement item from the same department, that costs the exact same price, and you have to do it THAT DAY. No combining returns either, ie, if you return 2 $10 items, you cannot exchange these for one $20 item.

Actually my wife and I are going to a wedding this weekend and we bought the couple a Home Depot gift certificate.

Good luck.

Chobohoya

10-20-2005, 06:05 PM

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]

I would say that this is a once in a lifetime kind of thing so don't abuse people's generosity...

[/ QUOTE ]

Abusing generosity is when someone offers to take you to dinner and you start ordering caviar and truffle mousse.

[/ QUOTE ]

Caviar is so good though... I figured I'd chime in here with an important update. We just received the first pieces of our china pattern: http://www.ddallen.com/images/big/02MK1.jpg

I'm pumped.

Chobohoya

10-20-2005, 06:14 PM

[ QUOTE ]
Based on my experience, forget about the china/silverware crap. I've been married 3 1/2 years now, and the china has never even been unpacked. I'll be stunned if we use more than 5 times in our life.

[/ QUOTE ]

See above. But seriously, I can see myself using this stuff pretty often (once a week at least?). I love to cook, and we don't have a dishwasher, so why not go the fancy route sometimes?

Which brings me to my next point: we've already established a registry at a local (South East) jewelry store named Underwoods, Williams-Sonoma, and Pottery Barn. Given that we're expecting 225 people to come, and some (50-100?) to not be able to come but probably send something, should we branch out more, or just load up at those places?

Philuva

10-20-2005, 06:16 PM

[ QUOTE ]
Quote:
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Is it considered in poor taste to not register and ask for cash instead?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I've always felt that it is bad taste to ask for cash. However it seems that this is becoming very popular.

[/ QUOTE ]

When I got married, all of my family gave cash (they are from Philly area). My wife's family all gave gifts (they are from DC area). I think it is a regional thing to give or not give cash.

But I don't see anything wrong with putting out through the grapvine through your parents, etc. that cash at this stage in your life would be greatly appreciated.

jaydub

10-20-2005, 06:23 PM

[ QUOTE ]
Is it considered in poor taste to not register and ask for cash instead? Because right now, that's my plan.

[/ QUOTE ]

Yes but that doesn't stop people. The point of the gifts is that everyone helps the bride and groom get started on their new life together by giving gifts such as silverware, dishes, appliances, and furniture.

This is rather antiquated as couples tend to live together before marriage and already have all that [censored].

However, gift cards (which returnable merchandise pretty much is anyways) and gifts are in far better taste than asking for straight cash. This is almost always the case in gift giving situations.

jaydub

10-20-2005, 06:24 PM

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Based on my experience, forget about the china/silverware crap. I've been married 3 1/2 years now, and the china has never even been unpacked. I'll be stunned if we use more than 5 times in our life.

[/ QUOTE ]

See above. But seriously, I can see myself using this stuff pretty often (once a week at least?). I love to cook, and we don't have a dishwasher, so why not go the fancy route sometimes?

Which brings me to my next point: we've already established a registry at a local (South East) jewelry store named Underwoods, Williams-Sonoma, and Pottery Barn. Given that we're expecting 225 people to come, and some (50-100?) to not be able to come but probably send something, should we branch out more, or just load up at those places?

[/ QUOTE ]

Just make sure there is a local store in every area from which you are inviting. Some elderly family won't know how to or won't want to use the web.

4_2_it

10-20-2005, 06:25 PM

[ QUOTE ]
http://www.ddallen.com/images/big/02MK1.jpg

[/ QUOTE ]

I see a Milwaukee's Best can in your future.

phage

10-20-2005, 06:26 PM

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Quote:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Is it considered in poor taste to not register and ask for cash instead?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I've always felt that it is bad taste to ask for cash. However it seems that this is becoming very popular.

[/ QUOTE ]

When I got married, all of my family gave cash (they are from Philly area). My wife's family all gave gifts (they are from DC area). I think it is a regional thing to give or not give cash.

But I don't see anything wrong with putting out through the grapvine through your parents, etc. that cash at this stage in your life would be greatly appreciated.

[/ QUOTE ]
This is a debate where I know I am in the minority. However, I have always had a problem with the emphasis on gifts and cash at weddings. I feel that too often the couple is looking at their wedding as a way to hit some sort of jackpot of prizes. It isn't a popular opinion but that is how I feel...

Homer

10-20-2005, 06:27 PM

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Is it considered in poor taste to not register and ask for cash instead? Because right now, that's my plan.

[/ QUOTE ]

Yes but that doesn't stop people. The point of the gifts is that everyone helps the bride and groom get started on their new life together by giving gifts such as silverware, dishes, appliances, and furniture.

This is rather antiquated as couples tend to live together before marriage and already have all that [censored].

However, gift cards (which returnable merchandise pretty much is anyways) and gifts are in far better taste than asking for straight cash. This is almost always the case in gift giving situations.

[/ QUOTE ]

I don't understand why cash is in bad taste, but gift certificates aren't. Cash is like a gift certificate that you can use anywhere. I don't see the difference, really.

Chobohoya

10-20-2005, 06:27 PM

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
http://www.ddallen.com/images/big/02MK1.jpg

[/ QUOTE ]

I see a Milwaukee's Best can in your future.

[/ QUOTE ]

Am I drinking it, or does it fall out of the sky to crush me?

Homer

10-20-2005, 06:28 PM

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Quote:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Is it considered in poor taste to not register and ask for cash instead?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I've always felt that it is bad taste to ask for cash. However it seems that this is becoming very popular.

[/ QUOTE ]

When I got married, all of my family gave cash (they are from Philly area). My wife's family all gave gifts (they are from DC area). I think it is a regional thing to give or not give cash.

But I don't see anything wrong with putting out through the grapvine through your parents, etc. that cash at this stage in your life would be greatly appreciated.

[/ QUOTE ]
This is a debate where I know I am in the minority. However, I have always had a problem with the emphasis on gifts and cash at weddings. I feel that too often the couple is looking at their wedding as a way to hit some sort of jackpot of prizes. It isn't a popular opinion but that is how I feel...

[/ QUOTE ]

Yeah, agreed. I mean, I don't really care if people give me anything, but if they're going to I'd rather it be cash.

Chobohoya

10-20-2005, 06:30 PM

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Is it considered in poor taste to not register and ask for cash instead? Because right now, that's my plan.

[/ QUOTE ]

Yes but that doesn't stop people. The point of the gifts is that everyone helps the bride and groom get started on their new life together by giving gifts such as silverware, dishes, appliances, and furniture.

This is rather antiquated as couples tend to live together before marriage and already have all that [censored].

However, gift cards (which returnable merchandise pretty much is anyways) and gifts are in far better taste than asking for straight cash. This is almost always the case in gift giving situations.

[/ QUOTE ]

I don't understand why cash is in bad taste, but gift certificates aren't. Cash is like a gift certificate that you can use anywhere. I don't see the difference, really.

[/ QUOTE ]

There really isn't a practical reason. As a [censored] player I understand this, but basically it's just one of those things that people over about 30 tend to think. I'm not trying to say younger people are more rational, they just don't have a hang-up about cash as a gift for whatever reason.

4_2_it

10-20-2005, 06:30 PM

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
http://www.ddallen.com/images/big/02MK1.jpg

[/ QUOTE ]

I see a Milwaukee's Best can in your future.

[/ QUOTE ]

Am I drinking it, or does it fall out of the sky to crush me?

[/ QUOTE ]

Depends on whether it was you or your future wife that selected the pattern /images/graemlins/grin.gif

phage

10-20-2005, 06:35 PM

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Is it considered in poor taste to not register and ask for cash instead? Because right now, that's my plan.

[/ QUOTE ]

Yes but that doesn't stop people. The point of the gifts is that everyone helps the bride and groom get started on their new life together by giving gifts such as silverware, dishes, appliances, and furniture.

This is rather antiquated as couples tend to live together before marriage and already have all that [censored].

However, gift cards (which returnable merchandise pretty much is anyways) and gifts are in far better taste than asking for straight cash. This is almost always the case in gift giving situations.

[/ QUOTE ]

I don't understand why cash is in bad taste, but gift certificates aren't. Cash is like a gift certificate that you can use anywhere. I don't see the difference, really.

[/ QUOTE ]

There really isn't a practical reason. As a [censored] player I understand this, but basically it's just one of those things that people over about 30 tend to think. I'm not trying to say younger people are more rational, they just don't have a hang-up about cash as a gift for whatever reason.

[/ QUOTE ]
Again, my hang up isn't about cash specifically but rather the debate and asking for gifts. If it can be done with some tact (rather than ...You know we are expecting something fantastic but rather than a gift we don't want bring on the cash) then go ahead. BTW I am not trying to imply that you are greedy and tactless or that you would make a request similar to what I wrote. It is just that this topic is one of my biggest pet peeves.

swede123

10-20-2005, 06:44 PM

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Is it considered in poor taste to not register and ask for cash instead? Because right now, that's my plan.

[/ QUOTE ]

Yes but that doesn't stop people. The point of the gifts is that everyone helps the bride and groom get started on their new life together by giving gifts such as silverware, dishes, appliances, and furniture.

This is rather antiquated as couples tend to live together before marriage and already have all that [censored].

However, gift cards (which returnable merchandise pretty much is anyways) and gifts are in far better taste than asking for straight cash. This is almost always the case in gift giving situations.

[/ QUOTE ]

I don't understand why cash is in bad taste, but gift certificates aren't. Cash is like a gift certificate that you can use anywhere. I don't see the difference, really.

[/ QUOTE ]

There really isn't a practical reason. As a [censored] player I understand this, but basically it's just one of those things that people over about 30 tend to think. I'm not trying to say younger people are more rational, they just don't have a hang-up about cash as a gift for whatever reason.

[/ QUOTE ]
Again, my hang up isn't about cash specifically but rather the debate and asking for gifts. If it can be done with some tact (rather than ...You know we are expecting something fantastic but rather than a gift we don't want bring on the cash) then go ahead. BTW I am not trying to imply that you are greedy and tactless or that you would make a request similar to what I wrote. It is just that this topic is one of my biggest pet peeves.

[/ QUOTE ]

Apparently it is poor tact to even ask for gifts. My wife refused to put this type of information into the wedding invitations, so basically most people ended up either asking us/our family about where we registered, or they ended up figuring it out on their own, which usually led to cash or giftcards but also lots of wine, champagne flutes, casserole dishes and so forth. For example, if all of OOT wants to visit Denver I am fairly certain I can provide individual wine glasses for each and everyone of you.

Swede

Chobohoya

10-20-2005, 06:49 PM

[ QUOTE ]
Again, my hang up isn't about cash specifically but rather the debate and asking for gifts. If it can be done with some tact (rather than ...You know we are expecting something fantastic but rather than a gift we don't want bring on the cash) then go ahead. BTW I am not trying to imply that you are greedy and tactless or that you would make a request similar to what I wrote. It is just that this topic is one of my biggest pet peeves.

[/ QUOTE ]

I think that's probably not too cynical in general. However, I would hope that you don't know too many people who would behave that way. I am pretty curious how such an infrequent event as giving gifts at a wedding could become one of your pet peeves. In my fairly limited experience with weddings, I've never heard of the couple coming across as greedy or "hoping to hit the jackpot." Perhaps you were just experienced something unusual?

Chobohoya

10-20-2005, 06:52 PM

[ QUOTE ]
Depends on whether it was you or your future wife that selected the pattern /images/graemlins/grin.gif

[/ QUOTE ]

She picked that out, I picked these out:

http://www.cutleryandmore.com/large/645.jpg

phage

10-20-2005, 06:58 PM

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Again, my hang up isn't about cash specifically but rather the debate and asking for gifts. If it can be done with some tact (rather than ...You know we are expecting something fantastic but rather than a gift we don't want bring on the cash) then go ahead. BTW I am not trying to imply that you are greedy and tactless or that you would make a request similar to what I wrote. It is just that this topic is one of my biggest pet peeves.

[/ QUOTE ]

I think that's probably not too cynical in general. However, I would hope that you don't know too many people who would behave that way. I am pretty curious how such an infrequent event as giving gifts at a wedding could become one of your pet peeves. In my fairly limited experience with weddings, I've never heard of the couple coming across as greedy or "hoping to hit the jackpot." Perhaps you were just experienced something unusual?

[/ QUOTE ]
I have heard a lot of couples who have lengthy debates about how much they can get out of their friends and family. I am quite happy to give presents to a couple that is marrying but lately get the feeling that there is more of an air of entitlement around the whole event. Factor in the aspect of asking for cash and I get very annoyed. I supposed it is because I feel that a gift isn't something that should be managed in this way. Moreover, letting someone know that you would rather have cash than something they picked out and it all starts to seem somewhat crass and calculated. Again I am not opposed to wedding gifts but I think that those receiving such gifts should look upon them as an expression of the givers caring and generosity.
Maybe I sound like an ass but there it is...

Chobohoya

10-20-2005, 07:43 PM

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Again, my hang up isn't about cash specifically but rather the debate and asking for gifts. If it can be done with some tact (rather than ...You know we are expecting something fantastic but rather than a gift we don't want bring on the cash) then go ahead. BTW I am not trying to imply that you are greedy and tactless or that you would make a request similar to what I wrote. It is just that this topic is one of my biggest pet peeves.

[/ QUOTE ]

I think that's probably not too cynical in general. However, I would hope that you don't know too many people who would behave that way. I am pretty curious how such an infrequent event as giving gifts at a wedding could become one of your pet peeves. In my fairly limited experience with weddings, I've never heard of the couple coming across as greedy or "hoping to hit the jackpot." Perhaps you were just experienced something unusual?

[/ QUOTE ]
I have heard a lot of couples who have lengthy debates about how much they can get out of their friends and family.

[/ QUOTE ]
Ok, that would piss me off too.

[ QUOTE ]
I am quite happy to give presents to a couple that is marrying but lately get the feeling that there is more of an air of entitlement around the whole event.

[/ QUOTE ]
This is starting to sound like more of an indictment of American society in general, which I would agree with.

[ QUOTE ]
Factor in the aspect of asking for cash and I get very annoyed. I supposed it is because I feel that a gift isn't something that should be managed in this way. Moreover, letting someone know that you would rather have cash than something they picked out and it all starts to seem somewhat crass and calculated. Again I am not opposed to wedding gifts but I think that those receiving such gifts should look upon them as an expression of the givers caring and generosity.
Maybe I sound like an ass but there it is...

[/ QUOTE ]
Not at all, I agree with everything here. Maybe I'm an ass too...

phage

10-20-2005, 07:45 PM

[ QUOTE ]
Maybe I'm an ass too...

[/ QUOTE ]
Nah...Just make sure you enjoy the wedding /images/graemlins/grin.gif

StevieG

10-20-2005, 07:53 PM

[ QUOTE ]
Moreover, letting someone know that you would rather have cash than something they picked out and it all starts to seem somewhat crass and calculated.

[/ QUOTE ]

That is crass. And Swede, I think your wife has it right, too. Putting the registry information in the invitation is in poor taste.

A wedding should not be looked at as a payoff. But the fact remains, you are throwing a party and many if not all the guests want to get you a gift. Like jaydub said, they think this is helping you get a good start on your life together. You might as well offer people a registry so they know they are getting you something you want.

Chobohoya, put a contact number inside for the person handling RSVPs and the people that want to buy a gift can ask if you are registered. You may tell some other key people. Don't worry, the people that want to get you a gift will find the registry soon enough.

Chobohoya

10-20-2005, 09:46 PM

So now that we've established that outright asking for gifts or cash is crass, does anyone have any suggestions as to what to actually put on there? stuff that would be awesome if someone gave? I remember that my parents gave someone TIVO for a year, and I thought that was a really cool, innovative idea. I have a fairly large family, as does she, so keep in mind that people might give somethihng as a group, or whatever.