Post A Joke

[tonypaladino]

I haven't seen a joke thread in a while.

I need a laugh.

[tonypaladino]

A screwdriver walks into a bar.

The bartender says "Hey, we have a drink named after you"

The screwdriver says "Really, you have a drink named Leonard?"

[Macdaddy Warsaw]

Question: "What did one indie kid say to the other?"
Other Person Replies: "What?"
Punchline: "YOU DON'T KNOW!?!?"

May be funny only to indie kids...

[Macdaddy Warsaw]

What's worse than a worm in your apple?
What?
Half a worm.
What's worse than half a worm in your apple?
What?
::deadpan:: The Holocaust

[PoBoy321]

What's bad?

A dead baby.

What's worse?

A pile of dead babies.

What's worse than that?

There's a live one at the bottom.

What's worse than that?

He's eating his way to the top.

What's worse than that?

He made it.

[Slacker13]

Women goes to a doctor and says, my husband comes home drunk every night and snores. Doctor says, tie a piece of string around his balls. Next night he comes stumbling in, passes out and starts snoring. She looks around the house for string and cannot find any so she ties a piece of blue ribbon around his nuts and he stop snoring. She starts to fall asleep and hears the dog snoring. She looks around the house and finds a piece of red ribbon, ties it around the dogs balls and he stops snoring.

In the middle of the night the guy wakes up and has to pee. He goes into the bathroom, dog follows him in. He looks down and sees the blue ribbon, looks over at the dog and sees the red ribbon and says, i dont know what the hell happened last night but we took first and second.

[PoBoy321]

One night, a woman is making dinner, getting dinner ready for when her husband gets home from work at the brewery. All of a sudden, there's a knock on the door and it's her husband's coworker Bill. "Hi Molly, I just came here to tell you that your husband died at the brewery today."

"Oh my God," the woman screamed. "Well what happened to him?"

"I'm sorry, but he fell into one of the giant vats of beer and he drowned."

The woman began crying and sobbing. After a few minutes, she gains a little composure and asks "Well tell me, did he at least go quickly?"

"No, the fact of the matter is, he got out 3 times to pee."

After being falsey accused of robbing a bank and found guilty, a man is sentenced to 15 years in prison. His cell mate is an older man in his fifties, who has let the man know he has plans to escape and would like him to be involved.

The old man said, "When the guard comes around, go over in the corner and put this blanket over yourself."

With these as his only instructions, the man waited patiently for the guard to come by. The guard finally came to collect dirty laundry, and so he did as instructed, he draped a blanket on top of himself. The old man raped him. Savagely.

[Superfluous Man]

What do you get when you stab a dead baby with a rusty knife?
<font color="white">An erection!</font>

What was the worst story Helen Keller ever read?
<font color="white">A cheese grater!</font>

How did Helen Keller's parents punish her?
<font color="white">They beat the everliving piss out of her! Or alternately, they left the plunger in the toilet. But I like how people who have heard the latter are surprised when you use the former punchline. </font>

Bonus: What did the dead baby say to Helen Keller?
<font color="white">STOP FISTING ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!</font>

[shant]

I have a joke, the chair, it walk along the street, with the
shoes, la la la la la, the chair, he is walking!

[tonypaladino]

[ QUOTE ]
I have a joke, the chair, it walk along the street, with the
shoes, la la la la la, the chair, he is walking!

[/ QUOTE ]

CanI buy some pot off of you?

[geormiet]

A guy goes into a grocery store, and he fills his basket with eggs, cheese, milk, crackers, and ham.

The cashier girl rings him up, and says to him "I bet you're single, right?"

The guy replies "That's right, how'd you know?"
"Because you're ugly," says the cashier.

[WackityWhiz]

What do you call it when someone steals your phone?!?!

<font color="white"> A PHONE JACK AHAHAHAHAHA........ i was so clever in 5th grade </font>

[UCF THAYER]

Q: What's the best thing about having sex with 26 year olds?

A: <font color="white"> There's twenty of them!! </font>

[Tron]

Two apples are baking in an oven and one of the turns to the other and says, "Man, is it hot in here," to which the second replies, "AHHHH! A TALKING APPLE!"

[jdl22]

There are three types of people in this world, those who can count and those who cannot.

[Klepton]

i was talking to this girl the other day and she says, "all guys want is sex."

i said, "look, finish blowing me and then we'll talk."

[ChipWrecked]

Two guys are walking along when they see a dog licking its nuts.

First guy: Man, I wish I could do that.
Second guy: Not me, no way.
First guy: Why not?
Second guy: He might bite me.

[silkyslim]

[ QUOTE ]
Question: "What did one indie kid say to the other?"
Other Person Replies: "What?"
Punchline: "YOU DON'T KNOW!?!?"

May be funny only to indie kids...

[/ QUOTE ]
are those like native americans?

[siccjay]

[ QUOTE ]
i was talking to this girl the other day and she says, "all guys want is sex."

i said, "look, finish blowing me and then we'll talk."

[/ QUOTE ]

Someone SH|T on the coats.

[Klepton]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
i was talking to this girl the other day and she says, "all guys want is sex."

i said, "look, finish blowing me and then we'll talk."

[/ QUOTE ]

Someone SH|T on the coats.

[/ QUOTE ]
Are you out of your fcuking mind?

[diebitter]

How does a red hat come out of a tub of blue dye?

<font color="white">Wet</font>

What's the difference between a corn farmer with epilepsy and a hot blond with diarrhea?
<font color="white">One shucks between fits</font>

[tonypaladino]

How do you convert your dishwasher into a snowblower?
<font color="white"> Give the bitch a shovel.</font>

[Rushmore]

[ QUOTE ]
What's worse than a worm in your apple?
What?
Half a worm.
What's worse than half a worm in your apple?
What?
::deadpan:: The Holocaust

[/ QUOTE ]

Hate crime!! Hate crime!!!

[Bulldog]

You are either an idiot or a genius

[phil_ivey_fan]

[ QUOTE ]
i was talking to this girl the other day and she says, "all guys want is sex."

i said, "look, finish blowing me and then we'll talk."

[/ QUOTE ]

what did the dead baby say to the douche-bag.

ans: stop ripping off jokes from Dane Cook.

[phil_ivey_fan]

Q: What sound does a dead baby in a blender make?
A: <font color="white"> I don't know, I was too busy masterbating. </font>



Q: What's the difference between a shiny red apple and a dead baby?
A: <font color="white"> You don't masterbate on an apple before you eat it </font>




jazz hands

[PocketJokers72]

[ QUOTE ]
There are three types of people in this world, those who can count and those who cannot.

[/ QUOTE ]

There are 10 types of people in this world. Those who understand binary and those who don't.

[Diggslick]

Well thats certainly a funny image.

[Vish]

Why did TonyPaladino cross the road?

Because his cock was stuck in the chicken.

[Ringo]

I almost spat my coffee out laughing at that.. I like you! Pepsi Max!

[tonypaladino]

[ QUOTE ]
Why did TonyPaladino cross the road?

Because his cock was stuck in the chicken.

[/ QUOTE ]

That chicken knew what she was getting into when this started.

[Drew16]

The last time I posted a joke in a "post a joke" thread some douche nozzle stole it and reposted it in another forum. Im not giving away free jokes anymore.

[jesusarenque]

Q: What is the best thing about getting a hand job from a three year old?

A: When you get the pictures back your cock looks HUGE.

[private joker]

Here's a joke Klepton told me:

Q: What's hot about a 6 year-old in the shower?
A: With her hair wet, she looks 4.

A man enters the hospital for a circumcision. When he
comes to after the procedure, he’s perturbed to see
several doctors standing around his bed.
“Son, there’s been a bit of a mix-up,” admits the
surgeon. “I’m afraid there was an accident, and we
were forced to perform a sex-change operation. You now
have a vagina instead of a penis.”

“What!” gasps the patient. “You mean I’ll never
experience another erection?”

“Oh, you might,” the surgeon reassures him. “Just not
yours.”

---------------------------------------------------


A man and his wife go to the site of their honeymoon
for their 25th anniversary. As the couple is
reflecting on that magical evening 25 years ago, the
wife asks the husband, “When you first saw my naked
body in front of you, what was going through your
mind?”

The husband replies, “All I wanted to do was [censored] your
brains out and suck your tits dry.”

“What are you thinking now?” the wife asks as she
undresses.

The husband quickly replies: “It looks like I did a
pretty good job.”
----------------------------------------------

A man walks into a drugstore and asks the pharmacist
for a pack of condoms. Paying for them, he bursts into
laughter and walks out of the store. The next day he
comes in again, again buys condoms, and again walks
out laughing. Thinking this is somewhat strange, the
pharmacist asks his assistant to follow the man if he
comes back. Sure enough, the man comes in the next day
and walks out laughing. This time the assistant goes
after him, returning 20 minutes later.

"So did you follow him?" asks the pharmacist.

"Yup."

"Where did he go?"

"Your house."
---------------------------------------------

A beautiful young woman about to undergo a minor
operation is lying on a gurney in a hospital corridor
awaiting the medical staff.

A man in a white coat approaches her, lifts up the
sheet, and visually examines her naked body. He walks
away and confers with another man in a white coat. The
second man then approaches the girl and performs the
same examination.

When a third man approaches her, she asks impatiently,
“These examinations are fine, but when are you going
to start the operation?”

He shrugs and says, “Your guess is as good as mine,
lady. We’re just here to paint the halls.”
----------------------------------------------

A guy and his wife are lying in bed when the husband
starts caressing her back.

“Not tonight, dear,” she says. “I have an appointment
with the gynecologist tomorrow.” The husband rolls
over and tries to go to sleep. A few minutes later, he
turns back and again starts caressing her back.

“Honey, stop,” she says. “I told you I have to go to
the gynecologist in the morning.”

“I know," he answers. “But you don’t have to go to the
dentist, do you?”
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HEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEEHEHEHEHEHEEHEHEHEHE H

my two scents /images/graemlins/blush.gif