Dating a girl who has a kid.....

[meHIGHyouLOW]

Background: I met this great girl(19years old) about 4 months ago, she is about everything I can wish for: cute, smart, positive, fun etc.. go figure. Certainly seems to be a girl who I wish to spend little longer together with.

Anyway, Im 18 and just found out some great joys, like going to bars hitting girls etc. and other half of me just wants to have fun, I never thought I would be even couple of months with this girl.
What bothers me is that she has a kid, the kid is little over one year old and his dad was some dickhead who dumped the girl whe he heard she is preagnent.
Her parents are very supportive in both terms of money and taking care of the kid, but still im not sure what I want to do. I certainly would like to continue the relationship, but it would be offcourse little more serious when there is also a kid. And would in future naturally limit my chances of "having fun".


Bottom line: I dont wanna be a dick but I still fear little the future, because break ups happen.


Help me! ( or should I write to Dr. Phil /images/graemlins/wink.gif )

[Rick Diesel]

We will need pictures (of the girl, not the kid)

[junkmail3]

[ QUOTE ]

What bothers me is that she has a kid, the kid is little over one year old and his dad was some dickhead who dumped the girl whe he heard she is preagnent.


...And would in future naturally limit my chances of "having fun".



[/ QUOTE ]

You could be dickhead #2!

[Soul Daddy]

[ QUOTE ]
Im 18 and just found out some great joys, like going to bars hitting girls

[/ QUOTE ]
I can see how that might be fun, but I don't think you're supposed to do this.

[meHIGHyouLOW]

Yeah thats certainly what I dont wanna be.. thats why I think now is last possible time to think about this whole case, and what I wanna do. /images/graemlins/blush.gif

[Bluffoon]

[ QUOTE ]
Background: I met this great girl(19years old) about 4 months ago, she is about everything I can wish for: cute, smart, positive, fun etc.. go figure. Certainly seems to be a girl who I wish to spend little longer together with.

Anyway, Im 18 and just found out some great joys, like going to bars hitting girls etc. and other half of me just wants to have fun, I never thought I would be even couple of months with this girl.
What bothers me is that she has a kid, the kid is little over one year old and his dad was some dickhead who dumped the girl whe he heard she is preagnent.
Her parents are very supportive in both terms of money and taking care of the kid, but still im not sure what I want to do. I certainly would like to continue the relationship, but it would be offcourse little more serious when there is also a kid. And would in future naturally limit my chances of "having fun".


Bottom line: I dont wanna be a dick but I still fear little the future, because break ups happen.


Help me! ( or should I write to Dr. Phil /images/graemlins/wink.gif )

[/ QUOTE ]

If she just wants someone to hang out with and you don't mind having a baby around then it doesn't sound like a problem. If she is looking for a permanent partner and father figure for her baby you may not be the right guy for her. It doesn't sound like you are ready to have a baby in your life. If you both want different things from the relationship do her a favor and break things off.

[The Stranger]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Im 18 and just found out some great joys, like going to bars hitting girls

[/ QUOTE ]
I can see how that might be fun, but I don't think you're supposed to do this.

[/ QUOTE ]

hey, maybe they're cool with that in Finland.

[LALDAAS]

Been there, done that, dont do it, run!!!!

I dated a single mother, in fact, I was engaged to one. Its not worth it. leave, leave right NOW!

Get some tail first /images/graemlins/wink.gif but then run! run very fast. Dont look back.

[HesseJam]

You´re not ready yet.

I would play it fair and tell the girl that you are not sure if you missed the "fun" and that you cannot give a firm committment (if that's what she wants!?). She feels probably more vulnerable than you because she has a kid and might need that committment. But maybe she would like to have some "fun" too if she did not have the child?

You both are still awfully young.

[schwza]

[ QUOTE ]
Get some tail first

[/ QUOTE ]

don't shoplift the pootie from a single mother.

[schwza]

i personally could not deal with that (i'm 25). if you can, more power to you.

[mason55]

If you're asking on here you're not ready. You'll just be screwing with both your lives.

[LALDAAS]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Get some tail first

[/ QUOTE ]

don't shoplift the pootie from a single mother.

[/ QUOTE ] /images/graemlins/grin.gif

[Slow Play Ray]

I'm 28 and considering dating a 30-year-old with a kid, and still up in the air about it. If I were your age (damn how did I get so old), I wouldn't even consider it. Actually, I shouldn't be considering it anyway, because I work with her as well, but I am just a glutton for punishment. Not to mention stupid.

[shakingspear]

[ QUOTE ]
Anyway, Im 18 and just found out some great joys, like going to bars hitting girls etc.

[/ QUOTE ]

This is probably the funniest line I've ever read on these boards.

You have got to tell me what the etcetera is.

[LALDAAS]

[ QUOTE ]
Actually, I shouldn't be considering it anyway, because I work with her as well, but I am just a glutton for punishment.

[/ QUOTE ]

Dont [censored] where you eat! I have done that also, to boot it was my boss. Wow that was ugly.

[jakethebake]

http://us.news2.yimg.com/us.yimg.com/p/ap/20050223/capt.nyet25602231617.manure_pile_nyet256.jpg

[smudgex68]

[ QUOTE ]
I dated a single mother, in fact, I was engaged to one. Its not worth it. leave, leave right NOW!

Get some tail first but then run! run very fast. Dont look back.

[/ QUOTE ]

Are you sure you're giving him the best advice?

A viable option would be to carry on dating the single mother (and enjoying a family environment), whilst also chasing tail. Many single mothers like to/have to stay at home with their child (especially if they can't afford a babysitter and you don't offer to pay for one, even with your poker winnings), and would understand that a young man needs to go out with friends drinking etc. You can often really leverage this side of the relationship to have regular sex, your meals prepared but also enjoying whatever else comes along.

Then, when you meet a really attractive woman who has the intelligence to take contraceptive precautions, leave the single mother and run, run as fast as you can.

[stigmata]

I wouldn't worry too much about it. She's only 19 - she probably wants a bit of fun also, some time to be young and have fun, and not be a mother.

As long as your both clear what yoy want/expect from each other, I can't see why its such a bad thing.

I know people who have been in similar circumstances, sometimes the relationships worked, sometimes they didn't.....

It does help if you like children though /images/graemlins/laugh.gif

[Slow Play Ray]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Actually, I shouldn't be considering it anyway, because I work with her as well, but I am just a glutton for punishment.

[/ QUOTE ]

Dont [censored] where you eat! I have done that also, to boot it was my boss. Wow that was ugly.

[/ QUOTE ]

[ QUOTE ]
Not to mention stupid.

[/ QUOTE ]

[meHIGHyouLOW]

I quess I shouldent try to translate phrases :P

[Zoltri]

[ QUOTE ]
Been there, done that, dont do it, run!!!!

I dated a single mother, in fact, I was engaged to one. Its not worth it. leave, leave right NOW!

Get some tail first /images/graemlins/wink.gif but then run! run very fast. Dont look back.

[/ QUOTE ]

Excellent advice.

[deacsoft]

[ QUOTE ]
Anyway, Im 18 and just found out some great joys, like... hitting girls...

[/ QUOTE ]

Ahhhhh, one of life's greatest and most enjotable things.

And as previously stated, single mothers are a delicate thing and should not be messed with. If you're not seriously considering the possibility of a long-term relationship you should keep it on a friendly (not f$%&ing) level.

[swolfe]

i'm surprised that no one mentioned this yet, but...

at least you know she puts out!

anyway, go for it, but don't take it too seriously...you're too young.

[Blarg]

Get ready for holes to be poked in your rubbers. You sound like an "accident" waiting to happen.

You're a young kid and you're out of your league. Go out and have fun with your life. The last thing you need is the responsibility of a kid and family at your age -- especially when it isn't even yours.

A girl with a kid is an incredibly serious person, if you follow what I mean, who is put in a very serious, difficult position, no matter what you might think. She's not to be trifled with in any sense of the phrase.

She's also proved she can make just about the worst possible decisions, ones that could ruin her life, and has little impulse control. Not a good partner for you.

And keep this in mind: If you *cough cough* "accidentally" have a kid with her -- you'll be paying for both kids for the next 20 years.

That's way too much grief and responsibility for an 18 year who still has his whole life ahead of him to take on himself.

Believe it, there are other girls who will want you, who will be cool to you, who will bang your brains out. Don't give up your future just because you're horny or lonely or in puppy love.

[JTrout]

*ding* we have a winner!

[lu_hawk]

run far away. you say she is 'everything you can wish for' so you obviously will not listen to anyone's advice but everyone who says it is a big mistake is 100% right.

[jackdaniels]

This is great advice. I hope he listens to it.

We laugh about these things, but it's these decisions when you are 18 that can turn your life around for the next 20 years.

Getting laid: Easy!
Having a nice girl who you like and want to hang out with: Not so easy.
Having to take care of her kid and possibly another one of yours at the age of 18: VERY, VERY HARD.

Staying in this relationship is definetly -EV

[astroglide]

many single mothers are looking for fathers, not mates

[Boris]

My experience is the exact opposite. The downside of dating moms is that you may end up missing the kids more than the mom when you break up.

[theghost]

[ QUOTE ]
many single mothers are looking for fathers, not mates

[/ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
as previously stated, single mothers are a delicate thing and should not be messed with. If you're not seriously considering the possibility of a long-term relationship you should keep it on a friendly (not f$%&ing) level.

[/ QUOTE ]

Also, if you end up with this girl for a while it will be harder to drop her when things don't work out because you will get attached to the kid as well. It's easy to start not liking the girl; it's hard to not like the kid who is basically an innocent bystander.

Keep your entanglements simple, you're young and inexperienced. I'm sure there are situations in your future with less baggage - find them and enjoy them.

[willie]

i did it, but i was never serious


and i used to rail the mommy when the daughter slept in a crib in the same room lol

oh yeah, i was 18, she was 24.

[Quad fours]

[ QUOTE ]
Background: I met this great girl(19years old) about 4 months ago, she is about everything I can wish for: cute, smart, positive, fun etc.. go figure.

[/ QUOTE ]

How smart can she be if she has a one year old child at 19. I agree with the posters that tell you to head for the hills. She is looking for someone to take care of her, not a bang buddy.

[Fat Nicky]

[ QUOTE ]
How smart can she be if she has a one year old child at 19.

[/ QUOTE ]

this statement is so ignorant.

[Brock Landers]

Don't do it. The number one priority of 90% of young single mothers is to find a father for their kid. Not sex, not fun, a daddy. She may seem like she is having fun and just feels like you do. Don't believe her. She is trying to fool you. After all, what is she supposed to do, meet you and say that all she wants is to find a father for her child? Of course not, she knows that her best bet is to hypnotize you with the snatch and slowly trick you into falling for her.

This exact thing happened to me when I was 19. Fortunately, she pushed the issue too much before I was in too deep and I split.

[DMBFan23]

[ QUOTE ]
Anyway, Im 18 and just found out some great joys, like going to bars hitting girls etc.

[/ QUOTE ]

lol

[Quad fours]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
How smart can she be if she has a one year old child at 19.

[/ QUOTE ]

this statement is so ignorant.

[/ QUOTE ]

No, it's not.

[InchoateHand]

Wait till she's a little older. When I was your age, I had a thing for older women. One time, I met her son. Luckily I had a year and about thirty pounds on him.

[OtisTheMarsupial]

[ QUOTE ]
I wouldn't worry too much about it. She's only 19 - she probably wants a bit of fun also, some time to be young and have fun, and not be a mother.

As long as your both clear what yoy want/expect from each other, I can't see why its such a bad thing.

I know people who have been in similar circumstances, sometimes the relationships worked, sometimes they didn't.....

It does help if you like children though /images/graemlins/laugh.gif

[/ QUOTE ]

Agreed. Honesty is best.

[jakethebake]

[ QUOTE ]
How smart can she be if she's 19?

[/ QUOTE ]

FYP

[thatpfunk]

[ QUOTE ]
Quote:
Been there, done that, dont do it, run!!!!


Get some tail first but then run! run very fast. Dont look back.



Excellent advice.

[/ QUOTE ]

This is horrible advice. IF SOMETHING GOES WRONG SHE WILL HAVE HIS BABY AND HE WILL BE AN 18 YEAR OLD DAD. Don't [censored] around with a girl like that. Its just retarded.

[ggbman]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
I dated a single mother, in fact, I was engaged to one. Its not worth it. leave, leave right NOW!

Get some tail first but then run! run very fast. Dont look back.

[/ QUOTE ]

Are you sure you're giving him the best advice?

A viable option would be to carry on dating the single mother (and enjoying a family environment), whilst also chasing tail. Many single mothers like to/have to stay at home with their child (especially if they can't afford a babysitter and you don't offer to pay for one, even with your poker winnings), and would understand that a young man needs to go out with friends drinking etc. You can often really leverage this side of the relationship to have regular sex, your meals prepared but also enjoying whatever else comes along.

Then, when you meet a really attractive woman who has the intelligence to take contraceptive precautions, leave the single mother and run, run as fast as you can.

[/ QUOTE ]

Yeah thats cool. NOT

[tripdad]

[ QUOTE ]
Background: I met this great girl(19years old) about 4 months ago, she is about everything I can wish for: cute, smart, positive, fun etc.. go figure. Certainly seems to be a girl who I wish to spend little longer together with.

[/ QUOTE ]

[ QUOTE ]
Anyway, Im 18

[/ QUOTE ]

you have no idea what you are talking about. take it easy.

cheers!

[TimM]

[ QUOTE ]
Wait till she's a little older. When I was your age, I had a thing for older women. One time, I met her son. Luckily I had a year and about thirty pounds on him.

[/ QUOTE ]

That's just wrong.

My single mother experience happened when I was 34 and she was 21. Much better. /images/graemlins/tongue.gif