Cheating in a relationship

[jason_t]

Events in my personal life inspire this post. Empathy and sympathy appreciated. Comments read with interest.

[Shajen]

I was cheated on by an ex (imagine that) and how I felt when I found out is the number one reason I will never ever cheat on my wife.

[jason_t]

[ QUOTE ]

I was cheated on by an ex (imagine that) and how I felt when I found out is the number one reason I will never ever cheat on my wife.

[/ QUOTE ]

I was informed in one of my favorite restaurants, in the middle of a nice meal. I guess this was to blunt my reaction. Although I had suspected it, it came as a total shock anyway, and crushed me all the same. The sickening part is that a little before, she had incorrectly accused me of cheating on her and tried to demonstrate her "feelings" with a knife. I now realize the accusation was a cover for her own infidelities.

Also, I was once with a girl who was cheating on her boyfriend (but I didn't know it). He tried to obliterate me.

I will never ever ever ever cheat on anyone. It is completely destructive to everyone involved.

[DMBFan23]

[ QUOTE ]
...been with someone else while they were cheating on another.
-

[/ QUOTE ]

(I was single at the time)

it wasn't even fun. I felt dirty. not worth it at all. I would hate to be cheated on, so I decided that was the only time and chalked it up to a stupid mistake.

[Patrick del Poker Grande]

Sorry to hear about the crap you just went through. I need an option for something along the lines of having suspected my gf of cheating on me, although I never could be sure of it and we were going to break up anyway. That's as close as I can get. Well, maybe I can also get something like a girl left her bf for me kind of option too.

So what'd you do when you found out? Did you bitch her out and leave her right then with the table and the bill to herself, or did you finish the meal? I think if I were you, there would have been one or two quick, loud expletives and I'd just get up and leave.

[Bluffoon]

She is trash and it sounds like she is crazy too. You are lucky to get away from her.

It sucks what she did but don't feel bad about it. There are plenty of untrustworthy people in the world. Just learn not to associate with them. Surround yourself with good people.

[DMBFan23]

[ QUOTE ]

I was informed in one of my favorite restaurants, in the middle of a nice meal.

[/ QUOTE ]

that sucks, because if it were me I'd have not only lost my girlfriend, but also my favorite restaurant. (I don't see how I could eat there again)

[YourFoxyGrandma]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
...been with someone else while they were cheating on another.
-

[/ QUOTE ]

(I was single at the time)

it wasn't even fun. I felt dirty. not worth it at all. I would hate to be cheated on, so I decided that was the only time and chalked it up to a stupid mistake.

[/ QUOTE ]

[jason_t]

[ QUOTE ]
Sorry to hear about the crap you just went through.

[/ QUOTE ]

Thank you.

[ QUOTE ]
I need an option for something along the lines of having suspected my gf of cheating on me, although I never could be sure of it and we were going to break up anyway. That's as close as I can get.

[/ QUOTE ]

For me, having the suspicion that I was almost certain of is almost as painful as the confirmation. I mean, I was with her for two years and I reached a point where I didn't trust her? That is an incredibly painful realization. The confirmation was just being kicked after already being on the ground. Albet, kicked really really hard, in the groin.

[ QUOTE ]
Well, maybe I can also get something like a girl left her bf for me kind of option too.

[/ QUOTE ]

That's hot.

[ QUOTE ]
So what'd you do when you found out? Did you bitch her out and leave her right then with the table and the bill to herself, or did you finish the meal? I think if I were you, there would have been one or two quick, loud expletives and I'd just get up and leave.

[/ QUOTE ]

It went beyond one or two. There were many, many expletives. Only a couple were loud. I said "unf[/i]uckingbelieveable" a lot. Yes, I cried. Call me a donk, but I dropped $40 on the table and I left. We were together for two years, and now I never want to see her again.

I also learned not to play poker while on life tilt.

[jason_t]

[ QUOTE ]
She is trash and it sounds like she is crazy too.

[/ QUOTE ]

I agree. Some of my friends have said they thought this before all the events. /images/graemlins/confused.gif Thanks, guys!

[ QUOTE ]
You are lucky to get away from her.

[/ QUOTE ]

This has been the most sobering realization. I am glad this happened now instead of two or three years down the line after I had engaged or married her.

[ QUOTE ]
It sucks what she did but don't feel bad about it. There are plenty of untrustworthy people in the world. Just learn not to associate with them. Surround yourself with good people.

[/ QUOTE ]

Thank you.

[jason_t]

[ QUOTE ]
(I don't see how I could eat there again)

[/ QUOTE ]

[Gamblor]

Crazy = euphemism for immature, insecure, childish, selfish, paranoid.

That description adds up to the kind of person who is too childish to tell you straight up that she lost interest a long time ago. She didn't want to hurt your feelings because she couldn't ever handle someone being upset at her.

she dumped you a long time ago without ever letting you know verbally.

Credibility fact: its becoming painfully obvious to me that you were way into her from the get go (the swearing and crying), perhaps the hint of neediness might have turned her off. girls who are turned on never cheat. ever. how many girls have cheated on brad pitt?

This happened to me in my first year of university after about 8 months. she told me over a hot chocolate, and i managed to squeak out an "thanks for telling me. (silence...) well, i'll see you around." and walked out, forgetting about the bill. I heard a "wait!" behind me, but ignored it. i figure, better to find out now than after i give her a ring.

[Gamblor]

Yes, I cried

ooooooooh. sorry man.

[jason_t]

[ QUOTE ]

Crazy = euphemism for immature, insecure, childish, selfish, paranoid.

[/ QUOTE ]

In the end, she displayed all these traits.

[ QUOTE ]
That description adds up to the kind of person who is too childish to tell you straight up that she lost interest a long time ago. She didn't want to hurt your feelings because she couldn't ever handle someone being upset at her.

she dumped you a long time ago without ever letting you know verbally.

[/ QUOTE ]

This is a valid possibility and is something that I will think about. Not that it'd make me feel better, but I just want to understand everything.

On the other hand, someone losing interst in me is unprecedented. It's absurd. It's outrageous. That'd be unf[/i]uckingbelieveable. /images/graemlins/grin.gif

[ QUOTE ]
Credibility fact: I was a total pimp in junior high and high school. apparently, I stopped maturing, both physically and mentally, somewhere around grade 11. now girls make me nervous.

[/ QUOTE ]

Girls are hot. Once a pimp, always a pimp.

[Gamblor]

edited my post to include better content.

[jason_t]

[ QUOTE ]
Credibility fact: its becoming painfully obvious to me that you were way into her from the get go (the swearing and crying), perhaps the hint of neediness might have turned her off. girls who are turned on never cheat. ever. how many girls have cheated on brad pitt?

[/ QUOTE ]

I was with her for two years. I am 100% certain that for some time she was 100% into me.

I swore and I cried because I was painfully hurt.

[Gamblor]

I am 100% certain that for some time she was 100% into me.

over time, through either her own changed-world view or your actions, this 100% slowly dropped to 0% but it was probably there for months before yesterday.

[Dangergirl]

Jason,
If she's using a knife then she's a little on the crazy side and you are better off without her. You seem like a really nice guy and shouldn't have a problem finding someone else.

Personally, if I were you and were a former pimp, then I would go back to this for awhile. Take some time off from dating and when you are ready then be a ho for awhile.

For now, surround yourself with your friends and have some fun. Breakups suck and only time will heal this.

[partygirluk]

When was this?

Sounds like she is a bit of a nutcase. But love is love, and you will hurt. Time really is the best healer. From your posts you seem to have a lot going for yoy, so I suspect one day you'll look back on this day as a blessing in disguise.

[nolanfan34]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
You are lucky to get away from her.

[/ QUOTE ]

This has been the most sobering realization. I am glad this happened now instead of two or three years down the line after I had engaged or married her.

[/ QUOTE ]

This is an important point. Sucks that it happened, but in the long run you'll be glad this all came to light.

Yeah, it sucks for the time being. Finding someone who you can trust 100% is pretty important though I think, and it sounds like that was in doubt for you anyway.

[M2d]

[ QUOTE ]
I was cheated on by an ex (imagine that) and how I felt when I found out is the number one reason I will never ever cheat on my wife.

[/ QUOTE ]

Ditto
And, after three years together, she told me the day after Valentines day (after not calling me on valentines day). And she only told me because a friend of mine who busted her (they went to UCLA together, I was in oregon) gave her five days to tell me herself or he'd tell me about it.

reraise.

to OP. sorry, man. it sucks big time. many beers and years later, though, I can see that it wouldn't have worked out anyway.

[Shajen]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
I was cheated on by an ex (imagine that) and how I felt when I found out is the number one reason I will never ever cheat on my wife.

[/ QUOTE ]

Ditto
And, after three years together, she told me the day after Valentines day (after not calling me on valentines day). And she only told me because a friend of mine who busted her (they went to UCLA together, I was in oregon) gave her five days to tell me herself or he'd tell me about it.

reraise.

[/ QUOTE ]


She had moved to Dallas, and I had recently moved to Atlanta. I flew her in (paid for her ticket, drinks, food, everything) for a week. We had what I thought was a great time. She flies back home and doesn't call me for 3 days. Finally, she calls me, crying, saying she cheated on me before she came out to see me. I immediately broke up with her.

So the bitch cheated on me, then flew 1200 miles or whatever it is, ate my food, drank my drinks, slept with me, then felt guilty? Ya think, you [censored] whore?

Gosh Damn that bitch still pisses me off to this day. /images/graemlins/mad.gif

I'm all in.

[Sponger15SB]

[ QUOTE ]
I was cheated on by an ex (imagine that) and how I felt when I found out is the number one reason I will never ever cheat on my wife.

[/ QUOTE ]

I'm still with the girl who cheated on me (yeah, I know I know, I actually regret going back out with her). Its really funny to be watching a TV show or movie and see someone get cheated on and then I'll comment on what a [censored] whore the girl is without thinking, and then I'll laugh maniacally inside cause I know she is feeling like [censored].

[Patrick del Poker Grande]

[ QUOTE ]
Its really funny to be watching a TV show or movie and see someone get cheated on and then I'll comment on what a [censored] whore the girl is without thinking, and then I'll laugh maniacally inside cause I know she is feeling like [censored].

[/ QUOTE ]
Brilliant.

[TimM]

[ QUOTE ]
...been with someone else while they were cheating on another.

[/ QUOTE ]

Only this for me, twice. Both lasted a couple of months. I am bad. /images/graemlins/blush.gif

First time, she was married, but had cheated on him a few times before.

Second time, they were living together, but their relationship was over anyway, he just didn't know it yet. It didn't matter whether I did anything or not.

I've also had several other married women after me, yet I can't seem to find any single ones? What does this mean? /images/graemlins/confused.gif

[bugstud]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
I was cheated on by an ex (imagine that) and how I felt when I found out is the number one reason I will never ever cheat on my wife.

[/ QUOTE ]

I'm still with the girl who cheated on me (yeah, I know I know, I actually regret going back out with her). Its really funny to be watching a TV show or movie and see someone get cheated on and then I'll comment on what a [censored] whore the girl is without thinking, and then I'll laugh maniacally inside cause I know she is feeling like [censored].

[/ QUOTE ]

Let's just say you're in for a world of fun at some point. Hope she doesn't get violent.

[Isura]

I'm really sorry to that hear buddy, that really sucks what she did. I have been going out with my GF for over 4 years (since my second semester of college), and I don't know how I would handle it if my GF pounced this kind of news... But I'm sure you see now in retrospect that she's not the one for you. When you find that right person, I think it will dampen most of the hurt from this relationship.

[Isura]

That's [censored] horrible. How does she have the nerve to come out there to visit and have fun and be intimate with you without feeling guilty/remorseful? I wouldn't be able to forget something like that either.

[Shajen]

[ QUOTE ]
I'm really sorry to that hear buddy, that really sucks what she did. I have been going out with my GF for over 4 years (since my second semester of college), and I don't know how I would handle it if my GF pounced this kind of news... But I'm sure you see now in retrospect that she's not the one for you. When you find that right person, I think it will dampen most of the hurt from this relationship.

[/ QUOTE ]

This is absolutely true. I felt like a dope and a [censored] for not seeing the signs all along. About a month afterwards, I decided to saddle up and get on with my life. Two weeks later I met the most amazing woman, and 2 years later I married her.

Good for you for finding out now, Jason. Could you imagine if you found out a few years down the line?

[SCfuji]

=[ im weak. ive only been in one relationship but it sucked balls (no cheating involved though). i really should get out more; damn this online poker!

hope everything normalizes. and that is really wise of you not to play poker while on "life tilt". although going crazy on the UB 1c/2c tables is quite stress relieving.

[shant]

[ QUOTE ]
Its really funny to be watching a TV show or movie and see someone get cheated on and then I'll comment on what a [censored] whore the girl is without thinking, and then I'll laugh maniacally inside cause I know she is feeling like [censored].

[/ QUOTE ]
This is the best thing I've read all day.

[jason_t]

[ QUOTE ]
I'm still with the girl who cheated on me (yeah, I know I know, I actually regret going back out with her). Its really funny to be watching a TV show or movie and see someone get cheated on and then I'll comment on what a [censored] whore the girl is without thinking, and then I'll laugh maniacally inside cause I know she is feeling like [censored].

[/ QUOTE ]

This is awesome.

[jason_t]

[ QUOTE ]
Could you imagine if you found out a few years down the line?

[/ QUOTE ]

This has been one of the most sobering thoughts I have had.

[astroglide]

her being able to think "i [censored] somebody else" trumps pretty much anything you get to think if you take her back

i've never cheated and i guess you could technically say i was cheated on once but we were out of touch on the skids she was in another city and about to move to japan. so, not a big deal.

[Sponger15SB]

[ QUOTE ]
her being able to think "i [censored] somebody else"

[/ QUOTE ]

Just to clarify...She made out with a guy a day before she broke up with me. We got back together a few weeks later, and that was like a year ago.

She wasn't doing a guy on the side for a month.

[scotty34]

[ QUOTE ]
Surround yourself with good people.

[/ QUOTE ]
Easier said than done.

[astroglide]

i'm here if you still want a hug

[jakethebake]

[ QUOTE ]
i'm here if you still want a hug

[/ QUOTE ]

too much information. /images/graemlins/grin.gif

[scotty34]

Sorry to hear about your experiences man.

Interesting point I noted from the poll though. Currently 27% have been cheated on (that they know of). Only 14% have cheated on someone and got away with it, and only 6% have cheated and got caught.

It seems we have a forum filled with on average, very good people.

[davelin]

[ QUOTE ]
Sorry to hear about your experiences man.

Interesting point I noted from the poll though. Currently 27% have been cheated on (that they know of). Only 14% have cheated on someone and got away with it, and only 6% have cheated and got caught.

It seems we have a forum filled with on average, very good people.

[/ QUOTE ]

20% has cheated on someone and that's good on average?

[scotty34]

Compared to the amount of people that have been cheated on, and keeping in mind this is only the ones that know about it. The percentage of people that got away with cheating is much higher than those that got caught. So I would assume significantly more than 27% have been cheated on. I also read a statistic somewhere that 1/3 Americans has had an extramarital affair. Don't quote me on that though, as I'm not sure of the accuracy or the source. Either way, anything close to that is appalling.

[M2d]

[ QUOTE ]
Interesting point I noted from the poll though. Currently 27% have been cheated on (that they know of). Only 14% have cheated on someone and got away with it, and only 6% have cheated and got caught.

It seems we have a forum filled with on average, very good people.

[/ QUOTE ]

either that or blind ignorant fools and lying bastards

[jakethebake]

I checked:

"...been cheated on." - it was a long time ago. I was like 19.

"...been incorrectly accused of cheating on someone." - again a long, long time ago.

"...been correctly accused of cheating on someone." - Again a long, long time ago. I think I was 18. Yea. It was wrong. But I was young, and we weren't married or anything.

"...been with someone else while they were cheating on another." - 1992. Before I met my wife, there was a married girlfriend of my neighbor that used to drive up to Austin from Houston to see me. I was so close to a threesome with them one night when we were stoned.

[Boris]

You need to screw her mom.

[Boris]

I've only been cheated on once that I know for sure. It kind of sucked but all things considered wasn't that bad. The relationship was near the end anyways. I did get a measure of revenge when, a few weeks later, she came over in the middle of the night to get some stuff she had left behind. I was in the sack with another girl from work. That was effin funny but of course I couldn't laugh at the time.

I also had a brief relationship with a girl that was engaged. She got busted. End of engagement. I felt like a first class A-hole but in retrospect I prevented what would have been a horrible marriage.

[Vavavoom]

I ticked the top 5 boxes....

Does that make me a bad person...

I'm 23, have had xx sexual partners and done some pretty wacky stuff....

I think the lure of the forbidden fruit is a fundamental flaw in human nature....We always will want what we cannot have...I have been on the receiving end of being cheated on...And i was only bitter because I semi-knew the guy...

On another note, I was beaten up whilst asleep in bed...by a jealous "recently dumped" boyfriend of a girl I had befriended.....She was scared of him and I had let her stay at mine...He broke into my apartment and proceeded to give me a bit if a beating....I was 20 at the time and asleep in bed....

Had I been awake, I think I could of taken him on....but being half-asleep/half drunk was not the greatest situation to be in....whilst he has a glass ashtray in one hand and a knife in the other......He accused me of sleeping with her, which ironically had not happened....I managed to escape pretty much with my life....

Suffice to say, I got my even with him. He got an absolute beating and I got it on with the girl....(Not posting Pics as u can never underestimate the power of the web....) And everyone who knows me, knows that I'm not a nasty person in any, way, shape or form....And she was worth it !


In conclusion, its not nice to be cheated on but fundamentally it "Takes 2 to tango !"...So the blame must be divided equally IMO....

[gaming_mouse]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
her being able to think "i [censored] somebody else"

[/ QUOTE ]

Just to clarify...She made out with a guy a day before she broke up with me. We got back together a few weeks later, and that was like a year ago.

[/ QUOTE ]

Are you joking? This doesn't count as cheating. She MADE OUT with someone else? Who the fcuk cares?

[Yeti]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
her being able to think "i [censored] somebody else"

[/ QUOTE ]

Just to clarify...She made out with a guy a day before she broke up with me. We got back together a few weeks later, and that was like a year ago.

[/ QUOTE ]

Are you joking? This doesn't count as cheating. She MADE OUT with someone else? Who the fcuk cares?

[/ QUOTE ]

Uh, so you'd be happy for your g/f to fool around and make out with other men?

[jakethebake]

[ QUOTE ]
Are you joking? This doesn't count as cheating. She MADE OUT with someone else? Who the fcuk cares?

[/ QUOTE ]

It's o.k., Honey. I don't mind that you're a make-out whore. /images/graemlins/confused.gif

[gaming_mouse]

[ QUOTE ]

Uh, so you'd be happy for your g/f to fool around and make out with other men?

[/ QUOTE ]

It's just that the term "cheating" hasn't meant "kissing" since highschool. And yes, I can think of plenty of circumstances where I wouldn't really care if a gf kissed someone else, but wasn't interested in f*cking him.

[Yeti]

[ QUOTE ]
It's just that the term "cheating" hasn't meant "kissing" since highschool.

[/ QUOTE ]

I think you'll find that for many, many people they do in fact still mean the same.

[gaming_mouse]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
It's just that the term "cheating" hasn't meant "kissing" since highschool.

[/ QUOTE ]

I think you'll find that for many, many people they do in fact still mean the same.

[/ QUOTE ]

Right. And I'm making fun of that because I think it's immature and self-indulgent.

[adanthar]

[ QUOTE ]
I'm still with the girl who cheated on me (yeah, I know I know, I actually regret going back out with her).

[/ QUOTE ]

[ QUOTE ]
We got back together a few weeks later, and that was like a year ago.

[/ QUOTE ]

Houston, we have a problem

[Yeti]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
It's just that the term "cheating" hasn't meant "kissing" since highschool.

[/ QUOTE ]

I think you'll find that for many, many people they do in fact still mean the same.

[/ QUOTE ]

Right. And I'm making fun of that because I think it's immature and self-indulgent.

[/ QUOTE ]

Why is it? I can see what situations you're hinting at in your post, but what if the following happened :

Your wife goes out on a girlie night out, hooks up with a guy and starts making out. Is this cheating?

She puts her hand down his pants. Is this cheating?

Obviously you wouldn't be bothered by any of this as to care would be immature.

[jakethebake]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
It's just that the term "cheating" hasn't meant "kissing" since highschool.

[/ QUOTE ]

I think you'll find that for many, many people they do in fact still mean the same.

[/ QUOTE ]

Right. And I'm making fun of that because I think it's immature and self-indulgent.

[/ QUOTE ]

You're just very, very wrong on this. That's o.k. as long as you realize you're probably one of the 1% of people in the wrold that think this. It's not really even worth discussing.

[MelchyBeau]

This is what you get for banging a stripper

Melch

[gaming_mouse]

[ QUOTE ]

Why is it? I can see what situations you're hinting at in your post, but what if the following happened :

Your wife goes out on a girlie night out, hooks up with a guy and starts making out. Is this cheating?

She puts her hand down his pants. Is this cheating?

[/ QUOTE ]

Look, it would obviously depend on the circumstances. It would depend what she felt about it. If she went out for a girl's night and kissed some guy for the f*ck of it and told me, and I believed it was just for kicks, I would not care in the least.

To Jake: I don't think it's as rare as you think it is. Many of my friends feel the same way. But yes, I am aware that it is not the common point of view. FWIW, I didn't feel the same way in my early twenties.... the shift happened somewhere around 24/25. That may or may not be relevant.

[swolfe]

does it count as cheating if she's making out with another chick while i watch?

[1800GAMBLER]

I've never cheated or been cheated on, i decided though if i ever get cheated on or have a harsh break up i'm going to go here (http://www.cat69.com/desires.html) to get over it.