post your favorite limerick here

[Alobar]

I'll start with the most famous one

There once was a man from Nantucket,
Who's dick was so long, he could suck it
He said with a grin,
as he whiped off his chin,
If my ear was a pussy, I'd [censored] it.

[jakethebake]

There once was a poster named Alobar.
He started a really dumb thread.
It was a thread about limericks,
with only responses from limpdicks.
sup bro?

[ClaytonN]

There once was a man named Jake
Who's girlfriends big titties were fake
One night in their bed
She wouldn't give [censored]
And sup bro's all like "piece of cake!"..

...sup bro can get that woman to do anything cuz sup bro was all county in 95 and collapsed the pocket like no other

[jakethebake]

[ QUOTE ]
...sup bro can get that woman to do anything cuz sup bro was all county in 95 and collapsed the pocket like no other

[/ QUOTE ]
You forgot 15 tackles for losses.

[Daliman]

[ QUOTE ]
I'll start with the most famous one

There once was a man from Nantucket,
Who's dick was so long, he could suck it
He said with a grin,
as he whiped off his chin,
If my ear was a pussy, I'd [censored] it.

[/ QUOTE ]

And I'll present it in it's original incarnation;

There once was a man from Nantucket,
Who kept all of his cash in a bucket,
But his daughter, named Nan,
Ran away with a man,
And as for the bucket, Nantucket.

And it's 2 initial followups;
But he followed the pair to Pawtucket,
The man and the girl with the bucket;
And he said to the man,
He was welcome to Nan,
But as for the bucket, Pawtucket.

Then the pair followed Pa to Manhasset,
Where he still held the cash as an asset,
But Nan and the man
Stole the money and ran,
And as for the bucket, Manhasset.

[2planka]

There once was a woman named Alice
Who used dynamite sticks as a phallus
They found her vagina
In North Carolina
And bits of her tits around Dallas

Yes, this was my 500th post.

[UncleRemus]

There once was a man from Iraq,
Who had holes down the length of his cock.
When he got an erection,
He'd play a selection,
From Johann Sebastian Bach.


John Valby is the King

[Daliman]

[ QUOTE ]
There once was a woman named Alice
Who used dynamite sticks as a phallus
They found her vagina
In North Carolina
And bits of her tits around Dallas

Yes, this was my 500th post.

[/ QUOTE ]

I love this one.

[bholdr]

there was a young man from strambol
who soliloquized thus to his tool
you took all my wealt
and ruined my health
and now you won't pee, you old fool

[Alobar]

There once was a man named Dave
Who kept a dead whore in a cave.
Oh what the hell,
I'll get used to the smell.
And think of the money I'll save.

[PoBoy321]

There was a gay man from Khartoum,
He brought a lesbian up to his room,
They sat and the pondered,
They thought and they wondered,
About who would do what and to whom.

I first heard that one from a 72 year old priest.

[rusellmj]

[ QUOTE ]
There once was a woman named Alice
Who used dynamite sticks as a phallus
They found her vagina
In North Carolina
And bits of her tits around Dallas

[/ QUOTE ]

This is my friends favorite. In his lymric book it ends "and her a$$hole at Buckingham Palace.

There was a young lad who was crass,
'cause his balls were made out of brass.
When he clanged 'em together they played 'Stormy Weather'
and lightning shot out of his a$$.

Russ

[youtalkfunny]

Hickory Dickory Dock
Some chick was sucking my cxck
The clock struck two
I dumped my goo
I dropped her off on the next block

OH!!!

(What's your name, honey? Any idea?)

[SuitedSixes]

The was a young man from Spain
Who was rumored to f*ck like a train
Her pu$$Y was loose
So he tried her caboose
Now they're both in considerable pain.

-66s Original

[Aces McGee]

Another version of that one:

There once was a woman named Jill
Who used a dynamite stick for a thrill
They found her vagina
In North Carolina
And bits of her tits in Brazil

-McGee

[Aces McGee]

Man, do I love limericks. Here's my favorite "dirty" one:

There once was a woman, Miss Q
Who said, as the bishop withdrew:
"The vicar is quicker
And thicker and slicker
And four inches longer than you."

And a few clean ones:

The bustard's an elegant fowl
With minimum reason to howl
He escapes what would be
Illegitimacy
By grace of a fortunate vowel

*

A wonderful bird in the pelican
His mouth can hold more than his belican
He can take in his beak
Enough food for a week
And I'm darned if I know how the helican

*

The limerick packs laughs anatomical
In a space that is quite economical
But the good ones I've seen
So seldom are clean
And the clean ones so seldom are comical

-McGee

[realwtf]

There once was a man named Benini
He spilled some gin on his weenie
Keeping his couth,
he splilled some vermouth
and slipped his girl a martini

[Mars357]

[ QUOTE ]
There once was a man named Dave
Who kept a dead whore in a cave.
Oh what the hell,
I'll get used to the smell.
And think of the money I'll save.

[/ QUOTE ]

There once was a hermit named Dave
Who kept a dead whore in a cave.
He said with a grunt
It's a mighty cold cu*t
But just think of the money I'll save

There once was a man named Sinclair
Who liked to fu*k girls on the stair
but the banister broke
so he quickened his stroke
and finished her off in mid air..

There once was a man from Peru
who went to sleep in a canoe
while dreaming of Venus
he played with his penis
and woke up with a hand full of goo...

Here I am....38 years old and posting dirty limericks on the internet....I need a drink!

[syka16]

A pedophile c*nt from Jellon
Got a jail sentence that wasn’t long
And while in the nick
He got belted with dick
And they severed the end of his prong

[NotButter]

there was a young man from Racine
who invented the [censored] machine
concave and convex
to fit either sex
but oh what a bastard to clean.

NotButter
sinny