Farts [Archive] - Two Plus Two Older Archives

Alobar

12-14-2004, 12:02 PM

I have no idea why, but it seems like everytime I go on a date, I've got to fart. Obviously I can't because that would ruin everything. So I hold it in. It just kinda builds up all night until the date is finally over, I walk her to her door, make my play for a goodnight kiss, and then the walk back to my car. And that is when the best part of the entire night happens. I can finally let out this fart that has been building for hours. It never dissapoints, one of those nice 5 second farts with deep bass and that leaves you feeling like a whole new man. aaahhhhhhhhh!!!

ThaSaltCracka

12-14-2004, 12:03 PM

I am a huge fan of the late night and early morning beer farts.

PoBoy321

12-14-2004, 12:05 PM

NO! BEER FARTS ARE THE GREATEST DANGER! If anything is EVER gonna slip by accident, that's when it'll be. Beer farts.

BusterStacks

12-14-2004, 12:06 PM

I like farting on my girlfriend. Ahahahaha she gets totally grossed out!

PoBoy321

12-14-2004, 12:09 PM

Haha, I remember the first time I farted in front of my girlfriend. She always told me that "If we ever got so comfortable around each other that you can fart in front of me, the romance is dead and we're over." So I tried it out. I farted in front of her, and did anything change? No, of course not.

Alobar

12-14-2004, 12:11 PM

fart once while shes giving you head, then see if she thinks the romance is dead /images/graemlins/smile.gif

ThaSaltCracka

12-14-2004, 12:22 PM

[ QUOTE ]
fart once while shes giving you head, then see if she thinks the romance is dead /images/graemlins/smile.gif

[/ QUOTE ]um, no don't do this /images/graemlins/tongue.gif

BusterStacks

12-14-2004, 12:24 PM

We were riding back from Costco the other day, and I let out a leg-lifter that was so foul, we had 4 windows down in 45 degree weather.

ThaSaltCracka

12-14-2004, 12:26 PM

the smelly ones are sick, I just like the noise the make, mine tend to have a trumpety sound to them.

Peca277

12-14-2004, 12:51 PM

C'mon, everybody likes the smell of their own farts.

kerssens

12-14-2004, 12:57 PM

The best are the ones where you build anticipation and either deliver or completely flop.

ThaSaltCracka

12-14-2004, 12:58 PM

[ QUOTE ]
The best are the ones where you build anticipation and either deliver or completely flop.

[/ QUOTE ]when they flop its very disapointing, sort of like blue balls.

kerssens

12-14-2004, 01:01 PM

disappointing..yes...but funny at the same time.

jakethebake

12-14-2004, 01:23 PM

My three year old refers to farting as stepping on ducks. When he was like a year old he farted and I pulled the Rodney Dangerfield line, "Someone step on a duck?" Ever since he goes around repeating it everytime he, or anyone esle farts. It's hilarious when out in public, but my wife doesn't appreciate it at all. /images/graemlins/grin.gif

mistrpug

12-14-2004, 01:33 PM

[ QUOTE ]
anyone else really like to fart? I mean other than it feeling great, its also quite fun. Plus the sound is hilarious. I am being serious here, farting is good times.

[/ QUOTE ]

Salt, you're now officially my favorite poster.

ThaSaltCracka

12-14-2004, 01:40 PM

NoChance

12-14-2004, 01:48 PM

This has to be the best thread I have read in quite a while.

ThaSaltCracka

12-14-2004, 01:50 PM

[ QUOTE ]
This has to be the best thread I have read in quite a while.

[/ QUOTE ]NoChance, why don't you tell us why you like farts.

Martin Aigner

12-14-2004, 02:05 PM

ThaSaltCracka,

you would get my nomination if I wouldn´t be asked why I like farts /images/graemlins/smile.gif

Martin Aigner

Piz0wn0reD!!!!!!

12-14-2004, 02:08 PM

I love farting, but i hate the "hot" farts. They also tend to smell the worst.

NoChance

12-14-2004, 02:09 PM

It was the combination of these two posts that almost brought me to tears reading this thread:

[ QUOTE ]
I have no idea why, but it seems like everytime I go on a date, I've got to fart. Obviously I can't because that would ruin everything. So I hold it in. It just kinda builds up all night until the date is finally over, I walk her to her door, make my play for a goodnight kiss, and then the walk back to my car. And that is when the best part of the entire night happens. I can finally let out this fart that has been building for hours. It never dissapoints, one of those nice 5 second farts with deep bass and that leaves you feeling like a whole new man. aaahhhhhhhhh!!!

[/ QUOTE ]

[ QUOTE ]
We were riding back from Costco the other day, and I let out a leg-lifter that was so foul, we had 4 windows down in 45 degree weather.

[/ QUOTE ]

Something similar happened to me last year around Christmas. I travel from Minnesota to Wisconsin each Christmas to spend with the family. Well, last year we all met at the church on Christmas eve so we each had our own cars. Well, when you are sitting there in church and the gases are forming, you just can't let one fly! Sometimes it builds so much that it starts to almost feel painful if you make a sudden turn the wrong direction. Anyway, after an hour of thinking, "When will this end?" I finally got to head out to my car and follow my parents back to their house for some nice conversation before heading to bed. It's a small church and there were lots of other people around. I knew this one was going to rumble so I waited until I got in the car. IT FELT GREAT! It was one of those that lasted about 10 seconds. But this one stunk bad!

Anyway, I'm driving by myself, following my parents to their house. My dad pulls over and mom gets out of the car. I slow down to see what's going on. Mom then walks towards me and opens the passenger door and gets in. I look over at her as she says, "Your father is going to head to the store to pick of some goodies. I figured I would ride home with you the rest of the way." As I watched her say this her face changed from this nice smiling parent to a wrinkled "what's that smell" kind of look.

She didn't say another word. That was one of the most uncomfortable 5 minute rides I have ever had. What do you do? Do you roll down the window? Do you try and pretend it didn't happen and it doesn't stink?

Edge34

12-14-2004, 02:09 PM

Only 2,298 more posts to go, salt!

Good work on this one man. Top notch.

-Edge

PS. I agree totally with what you've said in this thread. /images/graemlins/tongue.gif

Victor

12-14-2004, 02:16 PM

[ QUOTE ]
What do you do? Do you roll down the window? Do you try and pretend it didn't happen and it doesn't stink?

[/ QUOTE ]

What would want the farter to do if you were in the car with them????????

Roll the fukin window down man. Have some courtesy and respect for your mom.

ThaSaltCracka

12-14-2004, 02:18 PM

[ QUOTE ]
As I watched her say this her face changed from this nice smiling parent to a wrinkled "what's that smell" kind of look.

[/ QUOTE ] LMAO, dude, roll down a [censored] window, LMAO!

What about dutch ovens, anyone fart in bed under the sheets. I mean, I fart a lot in bed, but every now and then it stinks really bad, and it lingers, oh how it lingers /images/graemlins/mad.gif!!! Those are rough, especially when its cold and you don't want to pull the covers off. I hate and love it at the same time.

NoChance

12-14-2004, 02:22 PM

[ QUOTE ]
What would want the farter to do if you were in the car with them????????

Roll the fukin window down man. Have some courtesy and respect for your mom.

[/ QUOTE ]

I was too embarrassed to do ANYTHING. Besides, she had access to a window also! I think it was just one of those situations where neither of us wanted to admit what was happening. Obviously the smart thing to do is roll down the window but it was one of the "deer frozen in the headlights" situations where the obvious move just didn't happen.

ThaSaltCracka

12-14-2004, 02:26 PM

[ QUOTE ]
I think it was just one of those situations where neither of us wanted to admit what was happening.

[/ QUOTE ]Its not like your mom accidently touched your Johnson, its a fart, relax and roll down the window.

Peca277

12-14-2004, 02:34 PM

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
I think it was just one of those situations where neither of us wanted to admit what was happening.

[/ QUOTE ]Its not like your mom accidently touched your Johnson, its a fart, relax and roll down the window.

[/ QUOTE ]

When his mom touches your johnson it isn't accidental. And it ain't half bad either let me tell ya. But boy does she let 'em rip when you're done... it must run in the family.

TSUMatt52

12-14-2004, 02:45 PM

5 seconds, man? That's a wussy fart. You'll know where it's at once you've hit 13 seconds. Yes, I timed it. No, don't ask me why.

ThaSaltCracka

12-14-2004, 02:50 PM

[ QUOTE ]
5 seconds, man? That's a wussy fart. You'll know where it's at once you've hit 13 seconds. Yes, I timed it. No, don't ask me why.

[/ QUOTE ]Awesome, your first post on 2+2 is about farts!

TSUMatt52

12-14-2004, 02:54 PM

What can I say? I post about what I know. Pot odds, implied odds, "poker"? No way. The pleasures of every kind of fart...that's where I shine.

Edge34

12-14-2004, 02:55 PM

TSUMatt52 is the *official* brother of Edge34. About time he stops lurking, it just took me showing him this thread to get it in his head. /images/graemlins/tongue.gif

-Edge

TSUMatt52

12-14-2004, 02:56 PM

[ QUOTE ]
What can I say? I post about what I know. Pot odds, implied odds, "poker"? No way. The pleasures of every kind of fart...that's where I shine.

[/ QUOTE ]

Just kidding, by the way.

ThaSaltCracka

12-14-2004, 03:00 PM

[ QUOTE ]
What can I say? I post about what I know. Pot odds, implied odds, "poker"? No way. The pleasures of every kind of fart...that's where I shine.

[/ QUOTE ]Most of us know nothing about Poker as well.

sfer

12-14-2004, 03:00 PM

Your preferred method of farting. Squeeze, push, or release?

Alobar

12-14-2004, 03:01 PM

oh man, that is [censored] funny as hell!!! Its been like 5 mins since I read that and im still laughing!

Edge34

12-14-2004, 03:02 PM

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
What can I say? I post about what I know. Pot odds, implied odds, "poker"? No way. The pleasures of every kind of fart...that's where I shine.

[/ QUOTE ]Most of us know nothing about Poker as well.

[/ QUOTE ]

Precisely - TSC is the most prolific poster to have never played a hand in his life, actually.

ThaSaltCracka

12-14-2004, 03:03 PM

[ QUOTE ]
Your preferred method of farting. Squeeze, push, or release?

[/ QUOTE ]I am a bit of a squeeze/pusher. Only on a few rare occasions do I release. I like the squeeze/push because it makes a better sound, sort of like a "pbbbbbbtttt!!" sound. The release makes more of a "pwwwwwwwwwfffff..." which is sorta weak and gay sounding in comparison.

ThaSaltCracka

12-14-2004, 03:04 PM

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
What can I say? I post about what I know. Pot odds, implied odds, "poker"? No way. The pleasures of every kind of fart...that's where I shine.

[/ QUOTE ]Most of us know nothing about Poker as well.

[/ QUOTE ]

Precisely - TSC is the most prolific poster to have never played a hand in his life, actually.

[/ QUOTE ]WRONG! I played like two weeks ago for the first time, it was exciting!

TSUMatt52

12-14-2004, 03:05 PM

[ QUOTE ]
Your preferred method of farting. Squeeze, push, or release?

[/ QUOTE ]

Depends on the situation. In classroom situations I prefer the "hold it till it's about to burst" method because if you've mastered that technique (which I have) you can let it out slowly, and consequently avoiding too much of a smelly mess. At home I'm a big fan of the "flaunt it if you've got it" method, because nothing makes a guy prouder than waking up the dog with what's left of today's lunch.

goodedesign

12-14-2004, 03:07 PM

Alobar

12-14-2004, 03:07 PM

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
What can I say? I post about what I know. Pot odds, implied odds, "poker"? No way. The pleasures of every kind of fart...that's where I shine.

[/ QUOTE ]Most of us know nothing about Poker as well.

[/ QUOTE ]

Precisely - TSC is the most prolific poster to have never played a hand in his life, actually.

[/ QUOTE ]

Heh, he reminds me of this chick that used to hang out in #quake back in the day. She was on like 24/7, but didn't even own the game, and honestly im not even too sure if she even knew it was a video game, heh /images/graemlins/smile.gif

ThaSaltCracka

12-14-2004, 03:11 PM

[ QUOTE ]
hey... anyone who hasn't posted on my opinion poll.. please do... i'm not trying to spam this... but i'm sincerely curious... this may settle an argument, or i might not show it to the person... depends on the results click here for the poll... i think,... it's called "a strange question" (http://forumserver.twoplustwo.com/showthreaded.php?Cat=&Number=1387586&page=0&view=c ollapsed&sb=5&o=14&fpart=&vc=1)

[/ QUOTE ]

dude, I already answered your question, this is really annoying too, don't come into other threads whoring out your thread. If people don't like it or are uninterested they wont read it.

jakethebake

12-14-2004, 03:13 PM

sfer

12-14-2004, 03:13 PM

[ QUOTE ]
I am a bit of a squeeze/pusher. Only on a few rare occasions do I release. I like the squeeze/push because it makes a better sound, sort of like a "pbbbbbbtttt!!" sound. The release makes more of a "pwwwwwwwwwfffff..." which is sorta weak and gay sounding in comparison.

[/ QUOTE ]

TSC, the poster of the year, has improved the thread of the year with the post of the year. Well done.

ThaSaltCracka

12-14-2004, 03:15 PM

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
I am a bit of a squeeze/pusher. Only on a few rare occasions do I release. I like the squeeze/push because it makes a better sound, sort of like a "pbbbbbbtttt!!" sound. The release makes more of a "pwwwwwwwwwfffff..." which is sorta weak and gay sounding in comparison.

[/ QUOTE ]

TSC, the poster of the year, has improved the thread of the year with the post of the year. Well done.

[/ QUOTE ]I strive for the best, thank you sfer.

TSUMatt52

12-14-2004, 03:18 PM

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Your preferred method of farting. Squeeze, push, or release?

[/ QUOTE ]I am a bit of a squeeze/pusher. Only on a few rare occasions do I release. I like the squeeze/push because it makes a better sound, sort of like a "pbbbbbbtttt!!" sound. The release makes more of a "pwwwwwwwwwfffff..." which is sorta weak and gay sounding in comparison.

[/ QUOTE ]

Yeah, good point. Gotta be careful with the squeeze/push in certain situations, though, you don't wanna wind up with permanent tire damage in the pants.

ThaSaltCracka

12-14-2004, 03:20 PM

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Your preferred method of farting. Squeeze, push, or release?

[/ QUOTE ]I am a bit of a squeeze/pusher. Only on a few rare occasions do I release. I like the squeeze/push because it makes a better sound, sort of like a "pbbbbbbtttt!!" sound. The release makes more of a "pwwwwwwwwwfffff..." which is sorta weak and gay sounding in comparison.

[/ QUOTE ]

Yeah, good point. Gotta be careful with the squeeze/push in certain situations, though, you don't wanna wind up with permanent tire damage in the pants.

[/ QUOTE ]never a problem. I have mastered this craft.

TSUMatt52

12-14-2004, 03:23 PM

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Your preferred method of farting. Squeeze, push, or release?

[/ QUOTE ]I am a bit of a squeeze/pusher. Only on a few rare occasions do I release. I like the squeeze/push because it makes a better sound, sort of like a "pbbbbbbtttt!!" sound. The release makes more of a "pwwwwwwwwwfffff..." which is sorta weak and gay sounding in comparison.

[/ QUOTE ]

Yeah, good point. Gotta be careful with the squeeze/push in certain situations, though, you don't wanna wind up with permanent tire damage in the pants.

[/ QUOTE ]never a problem. I have mastered this craft.

[/ QUOTE ]

Even post-Taco Bell? Those are the only times I'm truly worried about the squeeze/push.

ThaSaltCracka

12-14-2004, 03:28 PM

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Your preferred method of farting. Squeeze, push, or release?

[/ QUOTE ]I am a bit of a squeeze/pusher. Only on a few rare occasions do I release. I like the squeeze/push because it makes a better sound, sort of like a "pbbbbbbtttt!!" sound. The release makes more of a "pwwwwwwwwwfffff..." which is sorta weak and gay sounding in comparison.

[/ QUOTE ]

Yeah, good point. Gotta be careful with the squeeze/push in certain situations, though, you don't wanna wind up with permanent tire damage in the pants.

[/ QUOTE ]never a problem. I have mastered this craft.

[/ QUOTE ]

Even post-Taco Bell? Those are the only times I'm truly worried about the squeeze/push.

[/ QUOTE ]I know my body well enough to know whether or not what is brewing is a fart or a duece.

Alobar

12-14-2004, 03:29 PM

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Your preferred method of farting. Squeeze, push, or release?

[/ QUOTE ]I am a bit of a squeeze/pusher. Only on a few rare occasions do I release. I like the squeeze/push because it makes a better sound, sort of like a "pbbbbbbtttt!!" sound. The release makes more of a "pwwwwwwwwwfffff..." which is sorta weak and gay sounding in comparison.

[/ QUOTE ]

Yeah, good point. Gotta be careful with the squeeze/push in certain situations, though, you don't wanna wind up with permanent tire damage in the pants.

[/ QUOTE ]never a problem. I have mastered this craft.

[/ QUOTE ]

Even post-Taco Bell? Those are the only times I'm truly worried about the squeeze/push.

[/ QUOTE ]I know my body well enough to know whether or not what is brewing is a fart or a duece.

[/ QUOTE ]

the gods often smite down arrogance, you should be careful /images/graemlins/smile.gif

ThaSaltCracka

12-14-2004, 03:30 PM

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Your preferred method of farting. Squeeze, push, or release?

[/ QUOTE ]I am a bit of a squeeze/pusher. Only on a few rare occasions do I release. I like the squeeze/push because it makes a better sound, sort of like a "pbbbbbbtttt!!" sound. The release makes more of a "pwwwwwwwwwfffff..." which is sorta weak and gay sounding in comparison.

[/ QUOTE ]

Yeah, good point. Gotta be careful with the squeeze/push in certain situations, though, you don't wanna wind up with permanent tire damage in the pants.

[/ QUOTE ]never a problem. I have mastered this craft.

[/ QUOTE ]

Even post-Taco Bell? Those are the only times I'm truly worried about the squeeze/push.

[/ QUOTE ]I know my body well enough to know whether or not what is brewing is a fart or a duece.

[/ QUOTE ]

the gods often smite down arrogance, you should be careful /images/graemlins/smile.gif

[/ QUOTE ]your god is a fa[/b]ggt.

TSUMatt52

12-14-2004, 03:31 PM

Taco Bell can be sneaky though! I mean, trust me, I think most of us here know our bodies well enough to anticipate the deuce, but sometimes Taco Bell deuces will send out advance scouts that can't be foreseen. That's why I always make sure I'm near a bathroom within half an hour after a TB run.

Alobar

12-14-2004, 03:33 PM

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Your preferred method of farting. Squeeze, push, or release?

[/ QUOTE ]I am a bit of a squeeze/pusher. Only on a few rare occasions do I release. I like the squeeze/push because it makes a better sound, sort of like a "pbbbbbbtttt!!" sound. The release makes more of a "pwwwwwwwwwfffff..." which is sorta weak and gay sounding in comparison.

[/ QUOTE ]

Yeah, good point. Gotta be careful with the squeeze/push in certain situations, though, you don't wanna wind up with permanent tire damage in the pants.

[/ QUOTE ]never a problem. I have mastered this craft.

[/ QUOTE ]

Even post-Taco Bell? Those are the only times I'm truly worried about the squeeze/push.

[/ QUOTE ]I know my body well enough to know whether or not what is brewing is a fart or a duece.

[/ QUOTE ]

the gods often smite down arrogance, you should be careful /images/graemlins/smile.gif

[/ QUOTE ]your god is a fa[/b]ggt.

[/ QUOTE ]

I'll remind you of that next time you go to giggle at a fart and end up shitting your pants! /images/graemlins/smile.gif

jakethebake

12-14-2004, 03:35 PM

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Your preferred method of farting. Squeeze, push, or release?

[/ QUOTE ]I am a bit of a squeeze/pusher. Only on a few rare occasions do I release. I like the squeeze/push because it makes a better sound, sort of like a "pbbbbbbtttt!!" sound. The release makes more of a "pwwwwwwwwwfffff..." which is sorta weak and gay sounding in comparison.

[/ QUOTE ]

Yeah, good point. Gotta be careful with the squeeze/push in certain situations, though, you don't wanna wind up with permanent tire damage in the pants.

[/ QUOTE ]never a problem. I have mastered this craft.

[/ QUOTE ]

Even post-Taco Bell? Those are the only times I'm truly worried about the squeeze/push.

[/ QUOTE ]I know my body well enough to know whether or not what is brewing is a fart or a duece.

[/ QUOTE ]

the gods often smite down arrogance, you should be careful /images/graemlins/smile.gif

[/ QUOTE ]your god is a fa[/b]ggt.

[/ QUOTE ]
My God is the everlasting sky, your God, lives beneath him.

ThaSaltCracka

12-14-2004, 03:37 PM

[ QUOTE ]
Taco Bell can be sneaky though! I mean, trust me, I think most of us here know our bodies well enough to anticipate the deuce, but sometimes Taco Bell deuces will send out advance scouts that can't be foreseen. That's why I always make sure I'm near a bathroom within half an hour after a TB run.

[/ QUOTE ]hmmmm.... TB never really bothers me.

TSUMatt52

12-14-2004, 03:41 PM

So how do you escape from certain situations where it would be considered taboo to fart, such as in church or at the poker table? My theory for public in general is to take a walk, then let out a slow silent one as I go. That way it can't be traced back to me in particular, since it's spread across such a distance. If I'm sitting at the poker table I'll let out a silent one and blame the guy at the table behind me. (Note: only works when there is a table behind you) What are your thoughts on this important matter?

DCJ311

12-14-2004, 03:43 PM

(__)__) ~ ~ <bwehhhh>

kerssens

12-14-2004, 04:00 PM

Senior year of high school we set up a tournament, field of 8. Each match was a best of 7 where one farted loud enough that the other 7 could hear and the opponent had 30 seconds to respond, if not, the farter was awarded a point. I got to the semis and had a 3-1 lead but ran out of gas (literally) and couldn't fight off that onslaught of my opponent (the future champ) and he took me out.

Hallett

12-14-2004, 04:06 PM

[ QUOTE ]
See, the problem with farting is that every time you let one rip, there's always that chance, that slim, slim chance that something might come out along with it. That's when farts stop being fun.

[/ QUOTE ]

Man, you are weak-tight.

ThaSaltCracka

12-14-2004, 04:16 PM

awesome, sounds like fun.

ThaSaltCracka

12-14-2004, 04:17 PM

I just realized one of my favorite places to fart is the shower. You can get some awesome echoes in there!

deacsoft

12-14-2004, 04:17 PM

I just sat here for like 5 mins just watching your avatar. Devastating. /images/graemlins/smile.gif

jakethebake

12-14-2004, 04:26 PM

[ QUOTE ]
I just realized one of my favorite places to fart is the shower. You can get some awesome echoes in there!

[/ QUOTE ]
Uh, yeah but then you're trapped in a steamy shower with the smell. /images/graemlins/tongue.gif

deacsoft

12-14-2004, 04:27 PM

I am amazed no one has mentioned the fine art of lighting farts on fire. I hadn't done this in years when I was drinking with some friends and one of them handed me a lighter and gave me one of those "you know what to do" looks.
The flame must have been 7 inches long. Magnificent. I laughed to the point of nearly pissing myself.

Martin Aigner

12-14-2004, 05:13 PM

Farting on the poker table? C´mon, that´s not OK. But if it ever happens to you, then don´t blame the other guy. It´s better to say something like: "Don´t worry, that once has happend to me, too." /images/graemlins/wink.gif

Martin Aigner

sfer

12-14-2004, 06:49 PM

Flight attendants do the same on flights as they walk the aisles. It's called crop dusting.

Jim Kuhn

12-14-2004, 07:10 PM

You roll down the window and say 'Mom - you really have alot of gas today!'

Thank you,

Jim Kuhn
Catfish4u

Jim Kuhn

12-14-2004, 07:12 PM

Or - 'Mom - please roll down your window the next time you do that!

Thank you,

Jim Kuhn
Catfish4u

sublime

12-14-2004, 10:14 PM

anyone else really like to fart? I mean other than it feeling great, its also quite fun. Plus the sound is hilarious. I am being serious here, farting is good times.

so this is what goes in here when there is no baseball to be played? /images/graemlins/shocked.gif

ThaSaltCracka

12-14-2004, 10:16 PM

[ QUOTE ]
anyone else really like to fart? I mean other than it feeling great, its also quite fun. Plus the sound is hilarious. I am being serious here, farting is good times.

so this is what goes in here when there is no baseball to be played? /images/graemlins/shocked.gif

[/ QUOTE ]where have you been?

bismillahno

12-14-2004, 11:28 PM

My great farting achievement was a couple of years ago, when I successfully introduced an Indian friend of mine to pull my finger. He had no idea what he was doing, and the reaction was priceless. Its not every day you get to introduce such an important concept to someone.

btw, anyone noticed the lack of English posters in this thread? 90% of british humour seems to be based on farts.

ThaSaltCracka

12-14-2004, 11:30 PM

[ QUOTE ]
btw, anyone noticed the lack of English posters in this thread? 90% of british humour seems to be based on farts.

[/ QUOTE ] Or men dressed as women.

sthief09

12-14-2004, 11:41 PM

some things get less funny as I get older. farting has somehow gotten funnier

ThaSaltCracka

12-14-2004, 11:42 PM

I just farted.

sfer

12-15-2004, 12:16 AM

[ QUOTE ]

some things get less funny as I get older. farting has somehow gotten funnier

[/ QUOTE ]

You're 20.

Rick Nebiolo

12-15-2004, 12:19 AM

ThaSaltCracka

12-15-2004, 12:31 AM

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
anyone else really like to fart? I mean other than it feeling great, its also quite fun. Plus the sound is hilarious. I am being serious here, farting is good times.

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Proof positive we need an "Other Topics For the Over 50 Crowd" Forum /images/graemlins/grin.gif

~ Rick

[/ QUOTE ]dude, my dad is just as old as you, and he finds Dumb and Dumber funny, don't act like you don't either.

Rick Nebiolo

12-15-2004, 01:20 AM

[ QUOTE ]
dude, my dad is just as old as you, and he finds Dumb and Dumber funny, don't act like you don't either.

[/ QUOTE ]

About 15 years ago my younger brother told me he's walking on the sidewalk and some kid on a skateboard roars by and the kid says " "Get out of the way old man!". My brother told me he felt like about what I do now /images/graemlins/tongue.gif /images/graemlins/confused.gif

~ Rick

ThaSaltCracka

12-15-2004, 01:22 AM

hehe, dude, I told Toro age is just a number, and thats the truth. How you feel is all mental.

ArchAngel71857

12-15-2004, 02:07 AM

Farting is wonderful. Shitting your pants on the way to the bathroom that one time I was at work this summer is not.

-AA

ThaSaltCracka

12-15-2004, 02:11 AM

[ QUOTE ]
Farting is wonderful. Shitting your pants on the way to the bathroom that one time I was at work this summer is not.

-AA

[/ QUOTE ]LOL, damn.

rusty JEDI

12-15-2004, 02:51 AM

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I have no idea why, but it seems like everytime I go on a date, I've got to fart. Obviously I can't because that would ruin everything. So I hold it in. It just kinda builds up all night until the date is finally over, I walk her to her door, make my play for a goodnight kiss, and then the walk back to my car. And that is when the best part of the entire night happens. I can finally let out this fart that has been building for hours. It never dissapoints, one of those nice 5 second farts with deep bass and that leaves you feeling like a whole new man. aaahhhhhhhhh!!!

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This was so amazingly well written.

rJ

TSUMatt52

12-15-2004, 07:03 PM

[ QUOTE ]
Farting is wonderful. Shitting your pants on the way to the bathroom that one time I was at work this summer is not.

-AA

[/ QUOTE ]

So how did that go over the rest of the day at work?

Patrick del Poker Grande

12-15-2004, 07:05 PM

It's important to look someone directly in the eye as you're doing it or at least right after, preferably someone of the opposite sex, expecially a wife/girlfriend.

TSUMatt52

12-15-2004, 07:10 PM

Anyone else think this thread needs to hit 100 entries? I mean, what's more priceless than a fart thread with a flame attached to it?

ArchAngel71857

12-15-2004, 07:14 PM

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Farting is wonderful. Shitting your pants on the way to the bathroom that one time I was at work this summer is not.

-AA

[/ QUOTE ]

So how did that go over the rest of the day at work?

[/ QUOTE ]

I threw my boxers away. Cleaned up for a good 30 min. Walked around uncomfortably for an hour. went home early.

-AA

ArchAngel71857

12-15-2004, 07:16 PM

[ QUOTE ]
It's important to look someone directly in the eye as you're doing it or at least right after, preferably someone of the opposite sex, expecially a wife/girlfriend.

[/ QUOTE ]

Nothing is more romantic than when my girlfriend takes my head in your hands, gives me a deep look in the eyes and says those three magic words: "Did you fart?"

-AA

ThaSaltCracka

12-15-2004, 07:24 PM

[ QUOTE ]
Anyone else think this thread needs to hit 100 entries? I mean, what's more priceless than a fart thread with a flame attached to it?

[/ QUOTE ]yes, I think that would be awesome.

kerssens

12-15-2004, 07:45 PM

I just got off work...there are 8 steps that lead to the top level of the parking lot where my car was. I had one of those after lunch "builders" that I couldn't really let out....I let 1/8 of it out for each step up the flight....actually it was a little less than 1/8 for the first 7 steps because the one on the 8th step was more intense.

ThaSaltCracka

12-15-2004, 07:50 PM

LOL, nice work Scotty

TSUMatt52

12-15-2004, 11:45 PM

So let's keep this going. I like the idea of fart stories. What's your favorite fart ever? Mine was a 13-second Dutch Oven I pulled off a couple of years ago. Had to go to the bathroom soon after to check on the condition of things. Needless to say the girlfriend was not terribly thrilled. But she got over it soon enough. Now discuss.

kerssens

12-16-2004, 12:10 AM

Does it have to be one of mine? My favorite was in junior year of high school during Trig...my friend got my attention and started pounding his foot on the ground and let out the loudest fart I have ever heard, the teacher was an old guy that was hard to distract but he told my friend to go to a doctor and get himself checked out.

ThaSaltCracka

12-16-2004, 01:02 AM

I have sneezed and farted shortly afterwards several times.

kerssens

12-16-2004, 01:44 AM

bump....4 more to 100....fire would be hella cool.

ThaSaltCracka

12-16-2004, 01:57 AM

one time I farted and dust came out.

AncientPC

12-16-2004, 06:37 AM

I've masted the art of silent farting, it's really bad when it's a wet fart though. /images/graemlins/blush.gif

SuitedSixes

12-16-2004, 08:30 AM

I have fallen into the horrible habit of farting just before I sit down on the crapper, which then means I have to put my head into my own toxic cloud as I conduct my business.

I am concerned that on a subconscious level I enjoy the smell which is why I continue to do it even though I make myself a mental reminder that I have to stop every time. I am sure that I am alone in this . . .

ArchAngel71857

12-16-2004, 08:55 AM

one time I woke up my girlfriend from a nap whiel I was watching tv becausemy fart smelled so bad.

-AA

Lawrence Ng

12-16-2004, 09:04 AM

Farting in a poker game is +EV for me.

TSUMatt52

12-16-2004, 09:06 AM

we got the fire! TSC, by the way, sneezing and farting can, on rare occasions, cause you to blow your intestines out your butt. Just a PSA.

beerbandit

12-16-2004, 09:15 AM

i dont think you have to fart more than normal -- you might just notcie it now because you hold it on front of your date. if you were at home the same night you would notice it less, because you would just let em go.

a lot of beer = lot of farts

cheers

ThaSaltCracka

12-16-2004, 11:31 AM

[ QUOTE ]
a lot of beer = lot of farts

[/ QUOTE ] = a lot of fun

Shajen

01-11-2005, 04:55 PM

How the hell did I miss this thread?

BUMP

dr. klopek

01-11-2005, 05:43 PM

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How the hell did I miss this thread?

BUMP

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Ditto.

Shajen

01-11-2005, 05:55 PM

to add my two cents to the nomenclature.

When you go to fart and get a lil deuce this is known as a shart. Alternately, you could call it trouser chili.

Zoltri

01-11-2005, 06:03 PM

One night stand true story:

Fifteen years ago I went to bed with this skank and I rub my hands between her legs only discover moistness. This of course was not the kind of womens body warmth I was accustomed to. Much to my horror, this bitch squeezed out a small cookie when she farted sometime during the night.

I went to the washroom, cleaned myself up and walked out the door without saying a word.

I still have nightmares about it but thankfully it was my hand and not my face.