Funny Poker Table Stories

What are some things that have happened at the Poker table that you guys think are funny, or things that people say that are funny....


These are mine......


1) One guy won a hand and took down a nice pot the next hand he folded.....and looked over to me

and said I would have won that hand.....and in all honestly said, "i have to start learning how to play rushes."


2) I'm at the Taj playing 3-6 about...6 months ago

and this one older white lady was complaining about the bad cards that she was receiving...she was drinking wine all night long and she was telling me that the Asian Dealers give her the most problems.....she would muck her cards with an angered look....she then proceeded to contact a floor manager....she told him right in front of the table that she can't stand Asian Dealers and for a new Dealer to be brought out immediately that was not of Asian decent....

The floor manager she told this too was Asian...

and everyone at the table gave her a dirty look.....except the Floor Manager...which to me shows class....


Anyhow they brought in a new dealer, not for her, but because they change tables anyway, she was delighted it was a White Male, immediately the first hand she was dealt was Pocket AA.... she then looked over to me and said, "You see I told ya, the Asians just don't know how to deal"


Please share some of yours with me.....I need a good laugh.

Mikey- Cute stories and big smile for ya! /images/smile.gif I don't know if you read my "sympathy fold" story below, but that play had us laughing big time! Here's another one: I was in a Bellagio 15-30 with a guy named Tim. I was out of the hand and it got heads up with Tim and another guy. On the turn the other guy checks- Tim bets- the other guy raises and Tim says" "BAD DOG". The other guy now starts barking ; Woof, woof. That one brought tears to my eyes!

This happened a while ago and I nearly had cramps in my stomach from laughing so hard.


Guy in first position has Jack Binions WPO hat on and has been playing really loose aggressive but loosing big time.....One of those guys who thinks he can bully everyone around.....He raises UTG and gets one other guy to play with him who reraises.


The UTG guy ends up winning with Q9 that hits the river for 2 pair. After UTG flips it over the other guy in the hand looks and says super sarchastically (and not in a steaming way)

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"I GUESS THAT"S WHY YOU GOT THE COOL HAT ON!!!!!"


The delivery had the whole table laughing.....


Allan

i have a TON of these type of stories, but for now here is one that still makes me laugh. i was playing in a 1-5 spread limit omaha split game and sometimes for fun a few of the players in this particular game would play there hands completely in the dark (maybe montana's answer to not having any pit games to throw your money away to, but anyways) one of these notorious "play'em in the dark guys" puts in every single raise and by the river has only one caller. now everyone at the table knows that this guy hasn't even peeked at his hole cards except for the lady who calls him down. she turns her hand over and it is second nut flush, second nut low and not but a few seconds later the dark guy turns over nut flush, nut low for a total scoop. now here is the kicker and i am not making this up someone says something to the effect of "what unbelievable hand to have in the dark" and the lady who called the hand down responds "you know there is no way i would have EVER called if i knew that he hadn't looked at his cards!!!!" she was absolutely dead serious about that last statement. i laughed till i was on the floor. anyone care to explain that one to me? later--J.Brown

About a year ago i was playing a 10/20 at the mirage while there was a 3 handed pot limit omaha 8 game (25 and 50 blinds) on the next game over. The asian lady was had about 15 thousand in front of her at the start of the omaha 8 game. She was yelling and screaming at every beat she took. About 2 hours into the game she stood while yelling at the top of her lungs that everyone in the poker room can go f*** themselves, ofcourse the whole upper section stoped to see what was happening. She then opened the drop box next to the dealer and dropped her last 2 stacks of green chips into the box, she told both of her opponents they will not get the money, then looked at the rest of the upper section and told us to go f*** ourselves and walked out of the room. It took about 3 or 4 minutes to get out game going again cuz everyone was laughing so hard.

I am playing shorthanded at the Taj....20-40..........they just have no clue how to play shorthaned....so what I did was, when i would beat this one well dressed guy, I would show him my hand...and say....."you see I wasn't bluffing" and he looks back at me and says in not a really nasty voice but you know a more depressed voice, "I know I know"


A few hands later, this other guy sitting next to him does the same thing that I did to him, he bets out his hand and the well dressed guy folds....and the man shows his hand just as I did.

He says "you see, I had a hand"

the well dressed man says in a real nasty voice, "OK OK, YOU DON'T HAVE TO SHOW ME YOUR HAND, ARE WE F&%@ing kids, or are we men"


Later on it's just me and the guy that imitated my play, the man who does what I do, so I look at him and ask him, "HEADS UP"....he looks at me...with a stare or dead seriousness...and says, now Picture the Rap Star BIGGIE, this is exactly what he looked like.


"you wanna play heads up?? It's gonna be

Seveni faave, One Mothaa F&$#ing FIFTY!!"....

Now I have $1000 in front of me, and I ask him

"TWENTY FORTY?"

he says, "Seveni faaave One Motha F#*$ing FIFTY"...

I started laughing....and said again "TWENTY FORTY??"

He says, "Hellz NO."


We both left the table and grinded it out at 10-20. While the well dressed man went to go and play 50-100 Hold'em.


"SEVENI FAAAVE ONE MOTHA- F$(%ING FIFTY!!"

I didn't witness this one, but I know several people who claim they did. A famous old lowball player in Gardena, by the time of this story a very old man, kept raising and kept being told "raise" by his female opponent. Finally, hearing her say "raise" one too many times he just called. She of course showed him a wheel; he had 6-4. [This was in the pre=jackpot days, so no jackpot.]


He stood up, unzipped his pants, removed his you-know-what, laid it on the table, and said, "I'd like to see you raise this."

I have a funny poker story about mace, which I was telling and when I finished someone at the table said he was barred out of the Mirage, for a short time, due to mace.


Here is what he said:


He was playing at a full low-limit table. There was a young biker type who had too much to drink and he was running his mouth at the other players, picking on them.


When he got to picking on this guy, telling the story, the guy quitely but firmly told him "I'm not going to take you talking to me like you have been talking to everyone else here. You say another word too me and you'll wake-up on the floor."


The biker type, stares at him, comes to some decision and goes back to playing poker. He continues to rag on everyone else but leaves this guy alone.


After awhile the biker-type leaves for the restroom and the older lady sitting next too him asks wasn't he worried about the biker-type taking him up on duking it out. He told her, "No, most of the time these type of people will back-off if you stand up to them and I have like 10 years of karate training."


The older woman says "That's great for you. What can I do about how he is talking to me?"


He tells her off-hand "Get a can of mace. When he speaks to you poorly, ask him please not to talk to you anymore. If he does, spray him with the mace."


He leaves right after this. When he returns the next day he finds out the lady went and got some mace and did exactly what he had suggested she do. She maced the biker-type.


She was barred and so was he for telling her to mace a Mirage customer.


They let him back in after a few weeks.


MS Sunshine

Now, I was a poker shift supervisor for about 8 years at the Binion's Horseshoe, in Las Vegas.


If we found anything, of value, it was turned into security, but if something showed up with little value we had a small box, near the cashier's cage that we tossed it in there.


Plastic lighters, lucky stick figures and such.


One day, I notice what looks like a small black lighter in there, but on top where you would expect to light it, was a red arrow with the words "Lift and Turn to use." On the side was a sticker that say "Don't lift or play with red arrow"


OK, I throw it back into the box, having no clue what it was.


While a few days later, Kathy H. is on shift, with 15 full games and she sees the black thing, with the red arrow in the box. She can't figure out what it is either and she lifts the red arrow.


Mace sprayed everywhere. Pushing the arrow down wouldn't stop it and it sprayed until it was empty.


At this point, the room looked like a bomb had gone off. Cloulds of the mace still in the air. Players hacking and crying. One player, on the floor saying he couldn't breathe, he was taken off in a streacher. I wonder what that cost Jack B.


I had know Kathy forever and was never allowed to tell the story about the mace or she would have me killed. She did say "Yes, I lifted the red arrow, but I didn't turn it at all. It wasn't my fault."


MS Sunshine

9-18 at Lucky Chances. one older white lady (see, us asians don't have a monopoly on the loonies), starts complaining about every dealer: "I never get a hand from him", "she never deals me winners", "this guy always deals me bad beats", etc.

to add to this, she's walking at least 50% of the time because of her "unlucky" dealers, waiting for the push so she can see who the next dealer will be.

Finally, about three hours and three racks (she played horribly, btw) later, someone asks why she doesn't just go to AJ's (about three miles away), and she replies "the dealers there are horrbile. They never give me winners."

Jim Brier was in this game about 5 years ago at the Horseshoe in Bossier, LA.


I had been playing for about 20 hours and was getting bad beats, playing bad, ...you name it. I had gotten to the point of expecting to lose every hand and lost so much that I was totally immune to the pain.


Finally after losing about $3,500 in a 20/40 game (which I had never done before or since) I had finally figured out it wasn't my day.... so I slowly stood up from the table while pulling a white handkerchief from my pocket and waving it very high in the air and shouted

"Boys, I surrender" and I left the room.


Jim told me later that he laughed so hard it hurt and it took several minutes after I left to get the game going again because everyone was laughing so hard /images/smile.gif

I'm playing on True Poker.... 3-6 Hold'em, and their were two people left in the pot.....


At the showdown, the both held flushes each with two flush cards in their hand.

I'll use fictious names for security purposes, anyway


John held the Ace High Flush and

Tim held the Jack high flush.....


at the end of the hand, when John collected all of the money Tim wrote in, "NH" -meaning Nice Hand


John responded back and said, "Thank you- you too"


Tim wrote back, "NO NOT ME TOO!!!"


......I thought it was hilarious.....I could not stop laughing and the rest of the night.....and they began arguing left and right taunting each other all night long with derogatory comments...

I'm playing at my house this winter with a few friends.....anyway we had a new comer to the game.......and he just loves to talk and tell stories.......so he starts blabbing his mouth....and we are sitting there pretending to laugh....enjoying his company.....plus he plays so loose, and he's soooo unlucky....anyway.....


He starts telling a story......now my Friend Rob who really hasn't been doing well this night is getting agitated....and the flop has been dealt....Rob is first to act.....and Blabber mouth is second.....


Rob Says: check.


Blabber: "and then I saw the guy coming across the street, so I went after to him......"


-rob is staring now with a real bored look.....and with a little louder voice as if to grab Blabbers attention...


Rob: Alright!.....CHECK....


Blabber: "then after I went back to work, and I had to call Joe on the phone......


now...Blabber can't hear ROB....


ROB: "OHH YEAH....CHECK!!!!"


Blabber: "so i got on the phone......."


ROB: starts slapping his hand repeatedly on the wooden table...very loudly...."CHECK!!!!"


Now, Blabber stops talking...there is a two second pause


Blabber: takes a look at his hole cards and says

"Check"


Rob lets out a deep breath.....


Now on the turn picture the same exact thing....now Rob is slapping the table hard...and he happened to land his hand on top of his chips after the third hit....and the chips went FLYING everywhere......


-now the funny thing about the story is this....while Rob was picking up his Chips...Blabber kept on telling his story....

THAT is hysterical - I can just see it now... Thanks Bob - LOL. /images/biggrin.gif Babe

im using that one for sure.

We play a 20-40 HE game twice a week. There is one fella named Joe that makes the game worth playing all by himself. One day after losing a hand he said, "You guys get so lucky. I had two pair, two flush draws and a straight draw."


We have laughed about that regularly ever since.

A crew of us roll on down to the Taj for some New Years Eve celebrating in 00' - 01'. Playing an average/full 15-30 game, I take down one of the regulars' straights when I fill up on the river. I had outplayed him a few hands before that, and he had been bad beat elsewhere within the last hour or so, so you know, a little steamy was he...


Gleaming at the dealer, he scowls "I'm going to send you a bill for the money you cost me this year!"


Without looking up, the dealer deadpans, "Come now, you know I don't have that kind of money."


I still have the "request for fill" sheet that I got from the floorman to write that one down on. A classic...

was that glenn? that dude is hilarious.

Shorthanded in Taj? I wouldn't have believed it, if I had not seen HOW FEW 20/40 games are spread there. The 20/40 games are good, for a few hours at night and on weekends. However, the games tend to break down. I was there recently. The action at Taj has changed. I live in the midwest, so I don't know what has happened. Probably, just a lot of folks have been busted out of the games, over the years. I remember, when 20/40 games use to go all week and didn't break down, at Taj.

This game was at 5:00am on a Tuesday Morning.......The day after Memorial Day....

I didn't witness this one first hand, but I believe it to be true...


Anyway, it's a NL game in Vegas. A regular bad player is pretty much donating money to the table. On one particular hand, on the river, he makes a bluff with all of the cash he has in front of him (remember that cash plays in Vegas). No sooner is he called does he stand up, take back the bluff, and RUN OUT OF THE CASINO!


The player telling the story said that they other players asked the floorman not to bar him because he played so bad, and the guy actually showed back up a few days later.


Dutch