Paying the bill poll

[Ulysses]

This poll was spawned from the following statement by gonores in the ML post:

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FWIW, I insist on picking up the whole bill, every time.

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Yeah, I always pick up the bill on a date and a fair amount of the time in general as well, 'cause, well, whatever.

But that brings up another question, specifically related to first through third dates.

If a girl has absolutely no intention to pay and you both know it, is it better for her to:

[Ulysses]

I've had a change of heart on this question over the last few years. I don't know why. I used to be really annoyed when the bill would come and the girl would not even make any sort of effort or indication that she might be considering to pay. The slow move to the purse or the slow reach towards the bill or asking how much or whatever, well, I appreciated the gesture.

Lately, however, I've switched sides. There are some women who like to pay on the first date. Now, I've never actually had them pay, but their standard practice is to pay and they are expecting to pay. With them, we always agree to have her buy drinks afterwards or something and everything is fine. I'm perfectly fine with all of that.

However, I now find myself annoyed at girls who know that I'm going to pay the bill and have absolutely no intent of paying, but make some little half-hearted act like they were actually thinking of paying.

[James Boston]

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I now find myself annoyed at girls who know that I'm going to pay the bill and have absolutely no intent of paying, but make some little half-hearted act like they were actually thinking of paying.

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It is, after all, a gesture. If it really bothers you, the next time she reaches for her purse say, "Oh, you got it?" On a side note, I once got so pissed off at a chick before we even made it to dinner that I ended up taking her to McDonalds. I would have taken her home, but I was hungry.

[gonores]

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What should she do when the check comes?

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Are you crazy? What makes you think we should/are going to dictate what a girl should or should not do in the context of a date? Here is how a date works: Girl does ______. Guy is supposed to figure what this means and react appropriately. Here is what the girl may be trying to communicate to you for both courses of action in your example.

- Girl goes for the purse - "I have daddy issues"
- Girl does nothing - "My girlfriends say I shouldn't be dating masked men."

In a world where the meanings of actions are easy to understand, I prefer she go for the purse. It says (remember we are in a world with no hidden meanings) that she isn't needy.

[Ulysses]

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In a world where the meanings of actions are easy to understand, I prefer she go for the purse. It says (remember we are in a world with no hidden meanings)

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OK, lemme know when you make it back from Fantasyland.

[Ulysses]

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It is, after all, a gesture.

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See, that's the thing. It's not really a gesture. It's a fake gesture. Paying for the first round of drinks at wherever we go afterwards (regardless of how much that is in comparison to the price of the dinner) or something like that is a real gesture. You know what I'm saying.

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If it really bothers you, the next time she reaches for her purse say, "Oh, you got it?"

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Oh, man, that's a good one. I hope to have a date that's bad enough and clearly has no future possibilities sometime in the near future so I can pull that one out.

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On a side note, I once got so pissed off at a chick before we even made it to dinner that I ended up taking her to McDonalds. I would have taken her home, but I was hungry.

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Nice.

[James Boston]

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It's a fake gesture. Paying for the first round of drinks at wherever we go afterwards (regardless of how much that is in comparison to the price of the dinner) or something like that is a real gesture. You know what I'm saying.


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Good point. The other night a I took a girl to an ice-cream place after dinner, and she paid. It wasn't close to the price of dinner, but nice.

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I hope to have a date that's bad enough and clearly has no future possibilities sometime in the near future so I can pull that one out.


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That's absolutely TERRIBLE, yet I completely identify.

[M2d]

it wasn't even the fake paying the bill thing that got to me. it was everything. first date was slightly annoying, so I chalked it up to a rough week at school. second date was worse and filled with those fake type gestures and indications. third date was made (on my part, at least) solely to do the double fake paying the bill thing. it worked, I got dinner and never spoke to her again.

[gonores]

Fantasyland rocks!

I got the girl some carnations for our date...because they looked pretty and I thought girls liked pretty things...not because I was secretly trying to convey how deep my feelings were for her.

I took her to nice restaurant. Not because I wanted to impress her by showing my indifference to paying for a $100 meal, but because I like the food and the atmosphere. I ordered the filet because I like filet. She ordered duck because she likes duck. I got the bottle of wine the waiter recommended to us because I trusted his judgment. We talked about trivial topics like sports and music because talking about such things is fun! I paid the bill because I felt it was my priviledge to take this striking young lady on a date. She allowed me to pay the bill because allowing me to pay the bill would be economically wise.

We went for a walk and carried on with our trivial conversation because we enjoyed it.

She said she wanted to have sex because sex is fun. I wanted to have sex because sex is fun. We had sex because sex is fun.

I didn't stay the night because staying the night is not fun. She did not want me to stay the night because me staying the night would not be fun for her either.

I called her the next day because talking to her is fun.

[Ulysses]

OK, now someone needs to write out what was really going on throughout that date. /images/graemlins/grin.gif

[gonores]

I got the girl some carnations for our date...because they looked pretty and I thought girls liked pretty things...not because I was secretly trying to convey how deep my feelings were for her. <font color="red"> Actually, I got these damn flowers cuz that’s what the old hag at the flower shop said I should get for a first date </font>

I took her to nice restaurant. Not because I wanted to impress her by showing my indifference to paying for a $100 meal, but because I like the food and the atmosphere <font color="red"> If I had my way, we’d hit up my favorite sushi place (which happens to be quite reasonably priced, but she doesn’t eat sushi and I read somewhere once that there is a direct relationship between the price of a meal and the amount of action one gets) </font>. I ordered the filet because I like filet. <font color="red"> I know the filet is good and I didn’t want to risk getting sick on something else on the menu. </font> She ordered duck because she likes duck.<font color="red"> I don’t know why she ordered it. But I think her order meant that she is stressed out from her new job </font> I got the bottle of wine the waiter recommended to us because I trusted his judgment. <font color="red"> Wine isn’t my thing, so I didn’t want to look stupid </font> We talked about trivial topics like sports and music because talking about such things is fun! <font color="red"> Actually, we talked about her bitchy roommates and how one stole her last boyfriend. We also talked about organic chemistry cuz that’s her major </font> I paid the bill because I felt it was my priviledge to take this striking young lady on a date. <font color="red"> There is an element of truth here </font> She allowed me to pay the bill because allowing me to pay the bill would be economically wise. <font color="red"> Again, not sure why. I think she let me pay because her kitty got ran over last week and letting me pay would be good for the grieving process </font>.

We went for a walk and carried on with our trivial conversation because we enjoyed it. <font color="red"> Actually, we went to an art class because I wanted to prove I’m a sensitive guy </font>

She said she wanted to have sex because sex is fun. I wanted to have sex because sex is fun. We had sex because sex is fun. <font color="red"> Actually, she didn’t want to take things too quickly, so she said I could get a goodnight kiss after two more dates. </font>

I didn't stay the night because staying the night is not fun. She did not want me to stay the night because me staying the night would not be fun for her either. <font color="red"> I went to the bar and tried to tell my buddies I got laid, even though it was only 11pm. </font>

I called her the next day because talking to her is fun. <font color="red"> I deleted her number from my cell phone as I walked back to my car after escorting her home and not getting any. Before I got back to my car, I hit on this girl who matched the description of my date’s “bitchy roommate.” I got her number (which just so happened to be the same number as my date's) and then I grabbed her ass as she was walking away. </font>

<font color="red">*Disclaimer: The above date is a dramatization and did not actually happen. I wouldn’t be caught dead in an art class </font>

[Sooga]

Granted, I don't go out often, but when I do, I hate the purse pump-fake angle shoot. Next time I think I'll call her bluff and see how far she'll go with her hand.

[ZeeJustin]

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Granted, I don't go out often, but when I do, I hate the purse pump-fake angle shoot. Next time I think I'll call her bluff and see how far she'll go with her hand.

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The second you see her reach, start coughing, say, "excuse me, I'll be right back", head to the bath room, and see if the check is still there when you come back.

[scotnt73]

it doesnt bother me at all. of course the type of woman i want to be with is the type that likes to be taken care of. before i was married if i went out with a woman and she really insisted on paying for half of everything then i would lose interest pretty fast and realise she wasnt the one. this is the type that gets mad when you open the car/restaurant door for them. no thanks.

[Philuva]

The lames ass attempt to pay is sooooo weak. In order of preference:
1. Sincere offer to pay.
2. The girl thanks you for dinner as the check arrives.
3. The fake-pay-pump.

I am married now, but when I was dating my wife I always preferred one of us pick the tab. I hate splitting. Granted I would pay 80% of the time which I was totally cool with, but it was also nice the times she paid for the date.

[Patrick del Poker Grande]

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the next time she reaches for her purse say, "Oh, you got it?"

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Brilliant.

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I once got so pissed off at a chick before we even made it to dinner that I ended up taking her to McDonalds. I would have taken her home, but I was hungry.

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Sheer genius. I gotta say that's the best salvage move I've ever heard of on a date. Takes balls.

[scotnt73]

ive just got to say that you have the best avatar ever. i laugh everytime i see it. Is the person with the avatar of the fat kid laughing and wiggling around still post? That one was great too and i havent seen it in a while.

[Diplomat]

I do everything I possibly can to avoid splitting. This probably is one of the worst ways to end a good meal (save obvious things such as being slapped, walked out on, etc.): "Ok, you owe $74.28, I owe $89.85, but I've just got hundreds...ok...so you give me eighty-five, and I'll put in two-hundred, and we can break up the change when it gets here..."

-Diplomat

[nolanfan34]

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I hate the purse pump-fake angle shoot.

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Heh heh, that is awesome. I'm going to steal this phrase, and use it elsewhere.

It's been a long time since I've been in this situation. Once you're married, you always pick up the check. Unless you switch things up, and your wife uses her debit card instead.

Anyway, if I asked the girl on the date, and initiated the nice restaurant as the dining place, I would expect to be paying for it, and wouldn't expect her to think otherwise. She doesn't need to pretend she's going to pay, and to do so would be annoying to me.

If we were just meeting somewhere for lunch, or drinks, etc, then I don't mind seeing a little effort on her part.