Favorite Simpsons Quotes

[Homer]

Since this was just done for the Family Guy, I figure why not do it for the Simpsons as well!

My first place vote is...

Homer: Look kids! I just got my party invitiations back from the printers.

Lisa: [Reading the invitation.] "Come to Homer's BBBQ. The extra B is for BYOBB."

Bart: What's that extra B for?

Homer: It's a typo.

Second place is...

Homer searches under the couch for a peanut.

Homer: Hmm...ow, pointy! Eww, slimy. Oh, moving! Ah-ha! [looks, then says remorsefully] Oh, twenty dollars...I wanted a peanut!

Brain: Twenty dollars can buy many peanuts!

Homer: Explain how.

Brain: Money can be exchanged for good and services.

Homer: Woohoo!

-- Homer

[nolanfan34]

This is fitting given the recent threads on this site, but here's my favorite:

Episode where Lisa joins Springfield's contingent of MENSA members, bringing their overall ranking up from 264 to 263 (if I remember correctly).

Comic Book Guy - "Take THAT. East. St. Louis."

Cracks me up every time.

[daryn]

i remeber the first time i saw this one. i don't laugh out loud often but i laughed loud and long with this one:


homer installs a tennis court in his yard and mr. burns comes to the house and asks to play. someone says "mr. burns, don't you already have a tennis court?" and i think smithers says that he got rid of it to make way for that "human chess board".


then it cuts to a shot of said human chess board, just a bunch of guys standing around on a board dressed up like pieces, presumably playing a game of chess.

one of the pieces is like, "mr. burns has been gone for a while, i'm making a run for it."

so all these white pieces run away and the white king yells out in distress "wait, protect me!!" while a bunch of black pieces jump on him and start beating the sh!t out of him.






wow, long story, but it was priceless.

[offTopic]

I have many Indian friends and coworkers, with differing views on arranged marriages.

The entire "The Two Mrs. Nahasapeemapetilons" episode had me in tears.

The airplane: "Air India - We Treat You Like Cattle"

---

Apu's mother: 10 boats and a electric fan, you call that a dowry?

Manjula's mother: OK, we will throw in a textile factory as well. But only because Manjula is getting on in years.

---

Marge: I've been looking over this list for the ceromony. I've got the extra wine glasses but I'm still short a Tandoori oven, an elephant and four castrati.

Bart: What's a castrati?

Marge: I don't know but I'm sure it's something spicy.

---

Homer: Also I think I'm getting a bed sore. What do you have to do to get turned round here [she begins]. Hey, what's Lucky joined up to?

Woman: It's a machine that breaths for him.

Homer: And here I am using my own lungs like a sucker. And how come everyone has a bed pan and I have to walk all the way other there!

[Ed Miller]

I sleep in a drawer.

[felson]

Homer: Uh... you have any sugar around here?
Scorpio: Sugar? Sure. [fumbles in his pockets, takes out a few handfuls of sugar] There you go. Sorry it's not in packages. Want some cream?
Homer: Uh... I... no.

===

It's criminal that they cut the "cream" line out of the syndicated version.

[daryn]

that is my favorite episode by far.

[Chris Daddy Cool]

The end of that one episode where Homer hires a private eye to spy on Lisa so Homer would know more about her, but Homer doesn't pay him, so he sets Lisa up and Homer and Lisa have to go on the run and they run into the private eye at a carnival.

The end scene in the house of mirrors and Lisa blinds the private eye with a laser.

[ QUOTE ]
Homer: How ironic... After a lifetime of using his eyes to see, he can't see anymore.

[/ QUOTE ]

Or something like that. Who knows the exact quote?

I couldn't stop laughing.

[Diplomat]

Homer in the gun store. (Homer = H, Owner of the gun store = O)

*click click click*

O: "Woah...! Carefull there, Annie Oakley!"

H: "I don't need to be careful, I've got a gun"

O: "Well you probably will want the accessory kit...holster...bandoleer...silencer...loudener... speed cocker.."

H: "ooooooo, I like the sound of that"

O: "...and, this is for shooting down police helcopters."

H: "Ohh, I don't need anything like that...yet. Just give me my gun!!"

O: "Sorry, the law requires a five-day waiting period...we've got to run a background check."

H: "Five days! But I'm mad now!"

-Diplomat

[daryn]

ha.. then they play the song "the waiting is the hardest part" while he has to sit and watch all the "targets" go by.

[youtalkfunny]

MR BURNS: Look at that Homer Simpson--he thinks he's cock of the walk! I'll show him he's cock of nothing!

(that kills me every time)

***

SMOOTH JIMMY APOLLO: Our early game is Denver and New England. This one's too close to call, but if you're one of those degenerate types who just HAS to bet something, then take, um, uh, i dunno...Denver.

HOMER: (races to the phone) Moe? Gimme $20 on Denver!

MOE: (slyly) I think I can provide that service. Um, Chief Wiggum? Could you hand me that little black book?

WIGGUM: Oh, sure thing, Moe. I was just using it for a coaster.

***

SMOOTH JIMMY APOLLO: (after the game, apologetically) Well, when you're right 48.7% of the time, that means you're going to be wrong 51.3% of the time.

HOMER: (screaming at tv) Why didn't you say that before???

[craig r]

being that i am vegan i found this line funny (was a re-run tonight):

Lisa is talk with the "eco-hunk" about being vegetarian and he tells her: "i am a level 5 vegan; i don't eat anything that casts a shadow."

[The Dude]

Homer: "Marge, we need more neopolitan ice cream!"

[Cubswin]

Anything Ralph says

Me fail English, that's unpossible.

Im special.

What's a battle?

I ated the purple berries... they taste like buring

When i grow up im going to bovine university.

My cat's name is mittens.

Mt cat's breathe smells like cat food.

And when the doctor said i didnt have worms anymore that was the happiest day of my life.

Daddy, these rubber pants are hot

So, do you like stuff?

The doctor said i wouldnt have so many nose bleeds if i kept my finger out of there.

Oh sleep, that's where im a viking

[John Cole]

Homer to alien: "Don't eat me. I have children--eat them instead."

Homer: "Trying hard is the surest way to fail." (or thereabouts)

[lil']

From the episode where Homer goes on disability leave from work by making himself weigh over 300 pounds. Bart is fantasizing about being a fat man on workman's comp when he gets older, just like his father...

"I wash myself with a rag on a stick."

[Kurn, son of Mogh]

Oh, man, there are too many.

Homer at the yard sale pitching his "The Ayatollah Sucks" T-shirt

"But the great thing is, it works for ANY Ayatollah..."(then he names off three obscure Ayatollahs)
_____________

Moe: Hello
Bart: Is Amanda there? Last name Hugandkiss"
Moe: I'm looking for Amanda Hugandkiss! Why can't I find Amanda Hugandkiss?
Barney: <belch> Maybe your standards are too high.
--------------
As an aside for all Simpson's fans. One of the regulars in my home game is named Bob Terwilliger. He's an arch conservative, and the rumor is one of the Simpsons' writers knows him, thus the origin of Sideshow Bob's last name. /images/graemlins/cool.gif

[elwoodblues]

King Homer episode - Burns speaking to Marge:

Burns: Well, you'd be a welcome change of pace to these crude and uncooth sailors...
Sailors: ARRRR, ARRRRR, ARRRRR, ARRRR, ARRRRR.
Burns: What do you think, Smithers?
Smithers: I think women and seamen don't mix.
Burns: We know what you think!

----------------------

Chief Wiggum to Ralph:

Remember Ralphie, if your nose starts bleeding, it means your picking it too much. Or not enough.

------------

Homer: Alcohol, the cause of and solution to all life's problems.

---------------

Just for this board:

Homer: The only monster here is the gambling monster that has enslaved your mother. I call him Gamblor, and it's time to snatch your mother from his neon claws.

------------------

Homer: Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It's what separates us from the animals... except the weasel.

-------------

Homer: I saw this in a movie about a bus that had to SPEED around a city, keeping its SPEED over fifty, and if its SPEED dropped, it would explode. I think it was called, "The Bus That Couldn't Slow Down."

[scotnt73]

homer:yeah! what larry flint said!(talking about steven hawkins..i laugh every time i think of it)

[Gamblor]

I can't live the buttoned down life like you, I want it all! The terrifying lows, the dizzying highs, the creamy middles! Sure, I might offend a few of the blue-noses with my cocky stride and musky odors - oh, I'll never be the darling of the so-called "City Fathers" who cluck their tongues, stroke their beards, and talk about what's to be done with this Homer Simpson?

and

Chlorine, eh?

[David Steele]

Mr Burns:

(On Homer's telemarketing scam)
Burns: One dollar for eternal happiness. I'd be happier with the dollar.

also

lots of Sideshow bob e.g.:

Bob: How ironic. My crusade against television has come to an end so formulaic, it could have spewed from the PowerBook of the laziest Hollywood hack.

[Eclypse]

Homer and Lenny are standing on the platform of a burning oil derrick surrounded by roaring flames:

HOMER: Ah! This is where Faceless Joe lost his legs!

[sfer]

Monorail! MONORAIL! MONORAIL!!!!

Mono- D'OH!

[elwoodblues]

(Homer driving after hitting a metal deer)


Homer: D'oh
Lisa: A deer
Marge: A female deer

[Cptkernow]

"Kernow iys Vicken." Lisa Simpson.

This is Cornish for: "long live Cornwall."

Lisa hasnt said this yet. But if you lived in Cornwall you will know that shes going to.

[TylerD]

Mr. Burns (Golfing with Homer): Use an
open-faced club! A sand wedge!
Homer: Mmmmm... open-faced club sandwich.

[ArchAngel71857]

Lisa's Valentine to Ralph -
It says "Choo-Choo-Choose Me!" . . . .And it's a picture
picture of a train.

------------------------------------------------------------
From Third Halloween Episode

Chinese Shop Owner: Beware! The doll carries with it a terrible curse!

Homer: That's bad.

Shop Owner: But it comes with a free Frogurt!

Homer: That's good.

Shop Owner: The Frogurt is also cursed!

Homer: That's bad.

Shop Owner: But you get your choice of topping!

Homer: That's good!

Shop Owner: The topping contains Potassium Benzoate.

Homer: . . . .

Shop Owner: That's bad.

Homer: Can I go now?

------------------------------------------------------------
The Mr. Sparkle Commercial
------------------------------------------------------------
Flanders: Homer, didn't you use to have a snow plow?

Homer (wearing the Mr. Plow jacket): Flanders I think I know my own life!

Flanders: Homer you're wearing the jacket!

Homer: Shut up, Flanders! <humming> "call Mr. Plow, that's my name, that name again is Mr. Plow."

(I apologize, I think I really misquoted that last one).
------------------------------------------------------------
Grampa Simpson: This took place back in nineteen dickety two. We had to use dickety because the Kaiser stole our word for twenty. I ran after him but gave up after dickety six miles.
------------------------------------------------------------
Mr. Smithers: As you know I wrote a musical about the Malibu Stacy doll.

Mr. Burns: A play about a doll??? Why not write a play about the common cat!? Or the King of Siam!?

Mr. Smithers: Right, well we got a playbill in a small theatre in New Mexico.

Mr. Burns: Whoa, slow down, maestro. There's a New Mexico?


-AA

[junkmail3]

Ralphie = laughing till it hurts (LTIH?)

[smudgex68]

[ QUOTE ]
Homer: Uh... you have any sugar around here?
Scorpio: Sugar? Sure. [fumbles in his pockets, takes out a few handfuls of sugar] There you go. Sorry it's not in packages. Want some cream?
Homer: Uh... I... no.


[/ QUOTE ]

This is similar to the Blackadder Goes Forth sketch where Baldrick makes Blackadder a cappuccino:

"Froth sir?. Yes please Baldrick (Baldrick spits in the coffee)
Sugar sir?. Yes please (Baldrick rubs his hair so the dandruff goes in the coffee)
Cocao sir? - Blackadder - "Come to think of it Baldrick, I think I'll have a cup of tea"

[BonJoviJones]

Fat Tony bets, all fold to Homer.

Homer: "Can we make this High/Low?"

Fat Tony: "No"

Homer: "Fold"

[nolanfan34]

Anything Grandpa Simpson says is usually funny.

Another one I just remembered:

Episode where Springfield gets another area code, and the town is split into New Springfield and Old Springfield.

After Homer and Moe shut off the Old Springfield water supply, gold is discovered, making the Old Springfieldians "even richer than we already were".

Kent Brockman (dressed in gold bling) talking about the gold find:

KB: And thanks to New Springfield, we'll all be taking GOLDEN showers!

(crew laughs in backround)

KB: What?

[moondogg]

"I MACE YOU GOOD!"

[kerssens]

I'm pretty sure it was at Itchy and Scratchy Land, Bart is searching for a "Bart" vanity plate for his bicycle but can't find one...

Bart: Bort? That's not even a name

Mother in the Store (to her child): Come along Bort, we've got to get going

[kerssens]

The one where Homer is the Beer Baron always gets me too.....

Homer coming up from the basement with Bart with the bowling balls filled with beer. (and these quotes are probably off except for the last one)

Homer: I forgot to check if the coast was clear

Marge: Homer, where are you going?

Homer: Ah Marge, I'm not going to lie to you.....see ya!

[kerssens]

Another one is when Homer sent a letter to Mr Burns in a rage and then realized that he wanted it back the next morning..

At the post office...

Homer: (in a horribly disguised voice) Hello, my name is Mr Burns, I believe that you have a letter for me.

PO Attendant: Alright Mr Burns, what's your first name?

Homer: I don't know

[kerssens]

Last one for now, I should do SOME work today....

Bart let Santa's Little Helper get taken by the repo men to keep Laddie, he finds out that SLH is owned by a blind man now and he decides to break into the blind man's house to get him back

Lisa: just try not to scare the blind man

Bart: I can't promise I'll try, but I promise that I'll try to try

[Cubswin]

From the best episode of all time "Homer gets a Gun"

This match will determine once and for all which nation is the greatest on Earth: Mexico or Portugal!

[kerssens]

Alright, when Homer gained weight to work from home and he came home to find that the duck had let him down and there was gonna be a meltdown, he tried to call the power plant but the operator said...

"the fingers that you used to make this call are too fat, to obtain a special dialing wand, mash you hand against the keypad now"

[ArchAngel71857]

Marge: You said that monkey would be cleaning the floors!

Homer: What do you expect, his cholesterol is throught the roof!


a little later: PRAY FOR MOJO.

-AA

[Wakko]

"Stupid babies need the most attention."

[MaxPower]

[ QUOTE ]
Homer to alien: "Don't eat me. I have children--eat them instead."

Homer: "Trying hard is the surest way to fail." (or thereabouts)

[/ QUOTE ]

I think it was "Trying is the first step toward failure"

My other favorite Homerisms:

"It takes two to lie - one to lie and one to listen"

When Marge is recalling something embarrasing that Homer did, "Oh sure, everything looks bad if you remember it"

"We live in a society of laws. Why do you think I took you to all those Police Academy movies? For Fun? Well I didn't here anybody laughing"

"To Alcohol, the cause of and solution to all of life's problems"

"If someting is hard to do, then its not worth doing"

"You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is 'never try'"

"Life is just one crushing defeat after another until you just wish Flanders was dead"

"I like my beer cold, my TV loud, and my homosexuals flaming"

"Sometimes the only way you can feel good about yourself is by making someone else look bad. And I'm tired of making other people feel good about themselves"

[Tuco]

From my favorite episode "Bart the murderer" Got it Tivo'd and always watch it after blowing off 100BB's.

Fat Tony sends his henchmen to pay Skinner a visit.

Secretary: Some large men to see you, sir.

Skinner: Um, I don't have any appointment with any large men.

[Fat Tony and two heavies come in]

Fat Tony: You Skinner?

Skinner: I'm Principal Skinner, yes. And how, may I ask, did you get past the hall monitors?
------
Bart and Tony:

Bart: Uh, say, are you guys crooks?

Tony: Bart, um, is it wrong to steal a loaf of bread to
feed your starving family?

Bart: No.

Tony: Well, suppose you got a large starving family. Is it wrong to steal a truckload of bread to feed them?

Bart: Uh uh.

Tony: And, what if your family don't like bread? They like... cigarettes?

Bart: I guess that's okay.

Tony: Now, what if instead of giving them away, you sold them at a price that was practically giving them away. Would that be a crime, Bart?

Bart: Hell, no!

Tony: Enjoy your gift.
---------
After Bart is arrested for Skinner's murder.

Smithers: That Simpsons boy is looking at 180 years.

Burns: Thank God we live in a country so hysterical over crime that a ten-year-old child can be tried as an adult.

Tuco.

[daryn]

</font><blockquote><font class="small">In risposta di:</font><hr />
I'm pretty sure it was at Itchy and Scratchy Land, Bart is searching for a "Bart" vanity plate for his bicycle but can't find one...

Bart: Bort? That's not even a name

Mother in the Store (to her child): Come along Bort, we've got to get going

[/ QUOTE ]


oh man, you did this quote a great disservice. the funniest part is the mother says to her kid, "come along Bort, etc." and then some random guy says, "excuse me did you call me?" and she says arrogantly "noooooo my son is ALSO named bort."

then later in the episode they are in the control room and you hear over the walkie-talkie, "we are all out of bort vanity plates, i repeat bort vanity plates."

[jdl22]

Homer: It's every parent's dream to outlive their kids

[MD2020]

From the NY one:

Marge: Well, anyplace will look bad if all you focus on is the pimps and CHUDs.

And from Mr. Plow:

Agent: Now, before I give you the check, one more question. This place "Moe's", is it a buisness of some kind?

Homer's Brain: Don't tell him it's a bar! But what else is open at night?

Homer: It's a pornography store. I was buying pornography.

Homer's Brain: Heh heh heh. I would have never thought of that.

[kerssens]

When Bart skipped school and witnessed the waiter die, clearing the man accused of the murder

In the courtroom

Skinner: (Thinking) Bart, I know you can read my mind. I know you skipped, and when I have proof, your ass is mine...that's right, I think words I'd never say

A little later....

Homer: (Thinking) Boy, I know you know what I'M thinking....meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow (Mewo Mix theme)

[kerssens]

In the episode where Burns wanted to be liked, he's riding in a car with Homer talking about the new billionaire Arthur Fortune...

Homer: Ah, Arthur Fortune, you know what that man did? He bought two male pandas for the zoo and got them to mate.

Mr. Burns: and that kind of stunt impresses people?

Homer: oh yeah, and I'm not impressed easily...WOW!! A BLUE CAR!!

[Homer]

[ QUOTE ]
I'm pretty sure it was at Itchy and Scratchy Land, Bart is searching for a "Bart" vanity plate for his bicycle but can't find one...

Bart: Bort? That's not even a name

Mother in the Store (to her child): Come along Bort, we've got to get going

[/ QUOTE ]

And then this other random dude goes "are you talking to me" and the Mom is like "no, my son is also named Bort"...ahhahahaaaa.

EDIT - Oops, didn't realize daryn beat me to it.

[Homer]

I just thought of another one...

Homer is drunk and is about to get in the car to drive, and he's like "I shouldn't be driving, I'm drunk". Then he's like "Wait a minute, I shouldn't listed to myself, I'm drunk", and he gets in the car and drives away...

[kerssens]

that right! good call, thanks for pickin up my fumble

[kerssens]

yeah, I know it was a horrible retell but at least y'all got the point....I haven't seen that episode in forever....some guy in my apartment building has a "BORT" license plate on his truck

[Tyler Durden]

Homer says to Marge: Every time I try to learn something new I forget something. Remember when I took that winemaking class and I forgot how to drive?

Marge: That's b/c you were drunk!

it's something like that anyway.

[daryn]

just thought of one.. how good.

the episode where they think the mob killed skinner. bart bursts into the bar and he's like, "did you kill my principal???"

fat tony is like "uhhh.. chinese guy with a moustache?"

[tolbiny]

no way-

homer opens the fridge and takes out a box of ice cream
"mmmm, chocolate" finds only strawberry and vanilla left
"doh"
takes another box out
"mmmm, chocolate" finds only strawberry and vanilla left
"doh"

Marge- we're out of strawberry chocolate and vanilla"

[tolbiny]

Homer and his brain are a terriffic pair
while taking a test

"alright brain, i dont like you and you dont like me, so lets just get through this and i'll go back to killing you with beer and TV"

homer's brain
"its a deal"

[tolbiny]

another great one
lisa and bart
"Grandpa, how did you take off your underwear without taking off your pants?"
GP
"I dont know"

[tolbiny]

Two-

"they dont call me colonel homer cause im some dumb ass army guy"


"dad, do you even know what rhetorical means?"
"Do i know what rhetorical means?"

[Philuva]

Homer: Waitamin Waitamin Wait a minute... Lisa honey, are you saying you are never going to eat any animal again? What about bacon?
Lisa: No!
Homer: Ham?
Lisa: No!
Homer: Pork Chops!?
Lisa: Dad, those all come from the same animal!
Homer: Yeah right Lisa, a wonderful "magical" animal. Hehe.


Phil Hartman also had some great lines in the instructional video about the slaughter house floor not actually being a floor, but a grate so that the entrails could slide through. I butchered this, but I am sure someone can remember it exactly.

[Homer]

[ QUOTE ]
Homer: Waitamin Waitamin Wait a minute... Lisa honey, are you saying you are never going to eat any animal again? What about bacon?
Lisa: No!
Homer: Ham?
Lisa: No!
Homer: Pork Chops!?
Lisa: Dad, those all come from the same animal!
Homer: Yeah right Lisa, a wonderful "magical" animal. Hehe.


Phil Hartman also had some great lines in the instructional video about the slaughter house floor not actually being a floor, but a grate so that the entrails could slide through. I butchered this, but I am sure someone can remember it exactly.

[/ QUOTE ]

Something like..."next the cows are sent to the killing floor. don't be alarmed billy, it's actually a large steel grating."

[ArchAngel71857]

When I grow up, I'm going to Bovine University!


-AA

[GeorgeF]

That must be worth a fortune! (Homer viewing Mr. Burn's trillion $ bill)

During the inflation of the early 20's Germany actually issued Trillion Mark notes which can be purchased from $50-$300 on eBay. Note in German: millard = English Billion and Billion = Trillion.

[Gamblor]

Recently-turned-Vegetarian Lisa sends the BBQ Pork roast down a hill on a lawn tractor. The pig (on the wheeled grill) flies down the slope and through some bushes

Homer: It's just a little dirty, it's still good, it's still good!

Passes traffic, jumps a bridge and lands in the water.

Homer: It's just a little slimy, it's still good, it's still good!

It gets caught in a dam spillway, and when the pressure builds, it shoots into the sky.

Homer: It's just a little airborne, it's still good, it's still good!

Bart: It's gone.

Homer: I know. /images/graemlins/frown.gif

Smithers and Mr. Burns are standing at the giant window of his office.

Burns: You know, Smithers, I think I'll donate a million dollars to the local orphanage... when pigs fly!
In the middle of their rocking laughter, the BBQ pork roast flies past the window
Smithers: Will you be donating the million dollars now, sir?
Burns: Nooooo, I'd still prefer not.

[slamdunkpro]

At my house we call them uh-ohs

[youtalkfunny]

HOMER: Quiet, brain, or I'll stab you with a Q-Tip!

[Redmen62]

Anyone remember that Star Trek TNG Episode where Picard is stranded alone on the planet with the alien, and the alien's form of language was speaking in Metaphorical references, stories of his people's ancient past?

It is my assertion that that is what Simpsons had become- An entire language of its own, made up entirely of quotes, and you could sustain a conversation using nothing but Simpsonisms. Try it.

- Redmen62

[ArchAngel71857]

Try it?

Without the Simpsons, Family guy, Adam Sandler movies, Will Ferrel, and Big Lebowski, my friends and I would never make a sound.

-AA

[Gewurtztraminer]

Homer: God, if you really are God, you'll get me tickets to that game.

[doorbell rings]
Ned Flanders: Heidely-ho, neighbor. Wanna go to the game with me? I got two tick--

Homer: [slams the door, looks heavenward] Why do you mock me, O Lord?

Marge: Homer, that's not God. That's just a waffle that Bart tossed up there.

[Marge scrapes it off the ceiling into Homer's hands]

Homer: I know I shouldn't eat thee, but -- [bites] Mmm, sacrilicious.

[nicky g]

That is pretty good.

When Bart is adopted by Mr Burns and Homer and Marge hire a hypnotist to persuade him to come back:

Marge: Are you sure this will work?

Hypnotist: Oh yes. You know, I was the one who got Paul McCartney out of Wings.

Homer (grabbing him): You idiot! He was the best one!

[Daliman]

Not sure if any of these have been said( the thread is just too darned long).


-Ah, alcohol. The cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems.

-(Homer loses Maggie while Marge is away and calls the Missing Baby Hotline)

"Missing baby hotline; please hold.(On hold music, song by Orleans) "Baby Come Back!"


As an aside, my friend and I have taken to calling anything fake "Monorail", which is pretty funny when said in Patty or Selma's voice midhand when you know someone is trying to bluff you,(at least to us it is.)

[moondogg]

[ QUOTE ]
Something like..."next the cows are sent to the killing floor. don't be alarmed billy, it's actually a large steel grating."


[/ QUOTE ]

"Killing floor?!"
"Don't let the name fool you, Billy (Timmy?). It's actually a steel grating that allows runoff to sluice through so that it can be packaged and exported".

---
"I have this crazy friend who says eating meat is wrong. Is he crazy?".

"No, no, not crazy. Just ignorant."

[sfer]

I'm glad someone resurrected this thread:

My name it Otto; I love to get blotto.

[kerssens]

mmmmmmm...pistol whip...ahhhh

[MD2020]

"So, Smithers...how did the beating go?"

"There was no beating, sir"

"No beating? That's a hell of a thing!"

It's the one where Bart donates blood to keep Mr. Burns alive, and Homer gets fired for writing a letter to Burns complaining about that. It was on last night and this line just made me laugh.

[kerssens]

nobody is more youthful than old man burns

-Homer

[nicky g]

I don't think this one's been mentioned:
Lisa faces a morla dilemma about whether to take her massive cut from the recycling process that involves killing lots of fish she's accidentally set up with Mr Burns (or something like that). Homer, trying to be supportive:
"Lisa, as long as money moneys, that's all that moneys"