Public Apology to Nice Catch (excrutiatingly long)

cero_z · #1 05-08-2005, 09:52 PM

Hi everyone (and particularly Nice Catch),

This is my apology to NC for my mindlessly negative, non-specific critique of his recent post on "using the flow". Pointlessly negative--Sorry, Catch. Since most of you could probably give 2/3 of a [censored] about a personal matter such as this, I'm also going to post the reason I decided to apologize.

As I said in my original "critique," I am running bad. I am running particularly bad in online games. I have taken some very sick beats online in the last 4 weeks, and furthermore, I am the only one that's ever happened to. Oh, wait.

OK, so that's going on. A few weeks back, I won a seat in the WSOP Main Event, which I hoped would signal the turning point in an otherwise very difficult year for me, poker-wise. Instead, I found myself losing and losing: I would lose small, or win very small amounts in the local Virginia games that are my bread and butter, and then erase all progress (and then some) in my forays into Party Poker. I've lost in $1000 NL, $200 NL, 20/40 Omaha 8, multi-tabling 5-10 Hold'em, one-tabling 15-30 Hold'em, Tournaments, and probably at Tiddly Winks, though I don't remember all the details. I have had a couple of large wins in live cash games at the Borgata and here in Charlottesville, and then I have promptly dispersed my win to the players in the online games above. You are welcome. And now, to the point:

Playing and losing online has brought about a very undesirable change in my demeanor at the table . As soon as things start to go badly lately, I become very negative, muttering, swearing at my monitor, etc. Worse still, this behavior has bled through to my live game. Last night, I was playing against a typically soft lineup in a 5-10 live NL cash game, and one of the fish was outflopping me over and over with dominated hands. I started to shake my head at him, send sarcastic remarks his way, and otherwise exhibit behavior that takes folks out of the gambling mood. This is a game in which I average about $150/hour over hundreds of hours, and I was crying about getting stuck 1500. This was not lost on the fish, who said, "Damn, boy! I guess I don't ever get to win a hand. Excuse me!" I knew he was right, and furthermore, I knew I'd feel extra stupid for whining if I busted him sometime that night, and was suddenly up 1500. There's nothing worse than being berated and losing all your chips to the berator. It's the kind of thing that makes a fish look for another game.

The thing is, I rarely if ever did this sort of thing before I played a lot online. I've always modeled my table image after Daniel Negreanu; I believe his joyful, jovial, gambling demeanor is the perfect one to exhibit in a poker game, for your profits and your own and others' mental health. And as bad as I feel for potentially driving a fish out of the game, I genuinely feel worse for insulting a decent, intelligent person who just likes to gamble for fun, and who tries to win as best he knows how. There's no excuse for it.

I finally realized what was going on with me tonight while playing in my weekly basketball pickup game with a regular group of acquaintances. I'm one of those dudes on the court who lacks much athleticism, but who sees the game well, and makes up for it pretty well with smarts and solid fundamentals. Nothing bugs me more as a player or fan than guys who are "playing the wrong way," forcing shots when passes are available, failing to try on defense, trying to do only the things that will lead to themselves being the "highlight" of the play. I was playing alongside two gifted athletes who personified this selfish, brainless style, and despite our team's huge talent advantage, we were playing about even with our opponents. By the end of the second game, I was starting to bark at these guys a little: "Get back!...Look around you!..." etc. Yes, I really am a dick. Then, the guy I was guarding accidentally clocked me with an elbow, following through on his shot. It hurt like a mother, and play stopped while I shook it off. In my head, I was ready to rip this guy's head off, but thankfully, I realized how stupid that was; he was just playing his best, and purely through the normal flow of the game, I got hurt. It wasn't my fault, but it sure as hell wasn't his. He asked if I was OK, and I winked and smiled.

On the drive home, it finally dawned on me that I need to do that when the same thing happens in the poker game. Sometimes you get hurt through no fault of your own, and it seems like someone else's fault. Staying positive in those spots is the only thing that makes sense. I really think I've been playing OK despite my negative attitude in these games, but I know one thing for sure: negativity can't be helping in any way. If I'm going to do any damage out in Vegas, I need to be able to shake off the beats. In the WSOP itself, and especially if I get busted early and need to play good cash poker for the following week, I will need that resolve that I've had in the past. The games will be amazing following days 1, 2, and 3 of the main event; what a crime it would be to be in a funk then.

So again, NC, My bad, and Mailman Dave, thanks for knocking some sense into me.