I can't look a person in the eye and talk at the same time. WHY?!

AA suited · #1 10-30-2005, 04:43 PM

All my life I've had horrible eye contact. Whenever i look someone in the eye and talk, my words get jumboed. it doesnt matter male/female, young/old.

it's like i can't do those 2 things at the same time.

What's wrong with me?

And suggestions on how to fix it?

J-Lo · #2 10-30-2005, 05:25 PM

i usually try and focus on ONE eye. Just look at ONE eye, and dont' go back and forth. it makes it easier for me

mosquito · #3 10-30-2005, 06:41 PM

It's a common factory error for model RrLOL V.1.00.32

Please return for repairs.

#4 10-30-2005, 09:11 PM

If you're anything like me... you probably feel nervous in the face of eye contact. I've been a relatively angry person since I was about 15 years old and I always worry people pick up on that seething hostility... and of course the insecurtiy I feel in a lot of situations.

Sounds horribly... "loser-ish" doesn't it? Maybe it is... but that's fine with me... that kind of thing isn't important... everyone grows up with different back grounds and hardships and not everyone deals with everything the same way.

What's truly important is making improvements when you find there is a problem.

You just need to look inside your self and find out what it is in your heart and in your thinking that causes you the problem.

That's the best, experiential experience I can give you.

jmgurgeh · #5 10-30-2005, 09:59 PM

Making eye contact is considered rude in some cultures, as if it's a challenge to some alpha male dominance. If you grew up with something like this, maybe you need to think about early experiences with it. Otherwise, do you feel afraid/anxious/confused/something else?

pzhon · #6 10-31-2005, 02:59 AM

In most situations, I feel rather strange when someone constantly looks directly into my eyes while talking to me. Isn't it standard in our culture for the speaker to look away/around except for occasional glances, and the listener to indicate interest by looking directly at the speaker (with head cocked to one side, in fact)? This is not always expected, e.g., in very familiar settings, and when the speaker has a much higher status than the listener, and it also depends on the physical distance. So, I think it is normal for you not to be used to talking while looking at someone.

#7 10-31-2005, 04:32 AM

This is strange. When I look into someone's eyes, I stare into their soul and determine their hole cards.

That being said, if you are having trouble looking people in the eyes and talking to them, the best way to fix that is through practice. Over a number of days or weeks, gradually increase the number of times and the length of time you spend looking someone in the eyes while talking. This should fix it as you gradually become desensitized to it.

#8 10-31-2005, 06:32 AM

I'm not sure how it is where you are from, but here in Norway, it's considered polite and correct to look someone in the eyes when you talk to them. This is especially true if you're in a job interview or meeting your father-in-law for the first time. If you don't dare look them in the eyes, chances are fairly good that you won't get the job/girl. Anyway, a good trick is to just look at their forehead instead. To them it looks just like you are looking them straight in the eye, but you really aren't. Also, I don't think you should stare all the time, it's ok to not look at a person all the time, but when you are looking at them, look them in the eyes.

vexvelour · #9 10-31-2005, 09:58 AM

[ QUOTE ]
In most situations, I feel rather strange when someone constantly looks directly into my eyes while talking to me. Isn't it standard in our culture for the speaker to look away/around except for occasional glances, and the listener to indicate interest by looking directly at the speaker (with head cocked to one side, in fact)? This is not always expected, e.g., in very familiar settings, and when the speaker has a much higher status than the listener, and it also depends on the physical distance. So, I think it is normal for you not to be used to talking while looking at someone.

[/ QUOTE ]

This is correct. You're not supposted to stare someone down in a conversation, but rather emphasize points, show understanding of what the speaker is saying, etc. by making eye contact.

Tilt · #10 10-31-2005, 12:54 PM

Its important to learn how to do this. You are far more persuasive and influential when you can comfortable make eye contact. Of course, you don't do it 10% of the time, but you should be able to do it 50-60% of the time in a conversation.

It has nothing to do with anythingbeing "wrong with you". you just need to practice. Start with someone you know and trust, and work on it from there. The ultimate skill is speaking to a group of people and making eye contact with most/all of them as you speak. You get and keep thier attention much better this way.