Bad beat doctors

[imported_bingobazza]

One of the problems of bad runs is that we FEEL we are being tested to the limit. The shocking and disturbing truth is that we are. We are actully being tested, prodded, poked and analysed continually as poker players but a mysterious group of beings in another galaxy called the bad beat doctors (BBDs). When I first learned of their existence, I was terrified. Dont ask me how Ive come to find out about these mysterious beings, lets just say hypnosis and whiskey were involved.

Fellow 2+2ers, Im here to blow this wide open for you....yes there is a conspiracy against you when the cards are completely awful...and its the BBDs (possibly with some help from the CIA and party poker, especially when you've just cashed out).

The 'bad beat doctors' (BBDs) sit in a room at poker HQ deep in space, with clip boards and white coats, analysing players reactions to the beats that occour randomly. THEY HAVE A DIRECT UPLINK TO YOUR BRAIN DURING THEIR EXAMINATIONS!!!!!!!!!!!

But they arent all work...they like to kick back, sometimes for days or weeks on end with a few beers and torment us mere mortals. They love it when a random bad beat (RBB) tilts a player, so they often skew the random number generator and line up another couple of beats for us just to see how we will react. They want you to loose all your money. That is one of their key goals. But laughing their asses off at your stupid tilt behaviour (STB) is their ultimate delight and what they live for. I suspect many of you intuitively knew this already....YOUR FEARS ARE TRUE!!!!!!!!!!!

This is how they operate.

Every so often, just like everyone else who plays poker, they pull my file from their bad beat filing cabinet (BBFC) and decide to have some fun with me this week/month. Its my turn again to have some special attention from them, and theres nothing I, or anyone else can do about it when your file is pulled from the BBFC.

I've seen them laughing at me when I have a bad run...they are constantly thinking and planning 'How can we beat him this time when he is such a huge favourite'. This is what happens when the BBDs get your file from the BBFC.

Now, since I learned about them, I cant help but laugh along with them at the utterly ingenious ways (UIWs) they continually think of to beat me, and congratulate them on their brilliant strategy of runner runner straight flush/quads/1 outters etc.

But since I learned about them in an incident Id rather forget, things have changed. YES...learning about the existence of the bad beat doctors does change things!!!!!!

While being gang probed after a series of vicious bad beats, I heard them asking....Why is he laughing? Is the metal probe too cold? Why isnt he reacting like everyone else and throwing a fit while cursing the gods and his terrible luck?? Then they studied me a bit closer.

They give me SOOOOO many beats and put me in so many tricky situations in an effort to put me on mega tilt (in studying the human mind, this is their ultimate test for poker players....how much pain can he stand before he goes on Mega tilt)...but it wasnt working with me, I couldnt help but be so impressed at their ingenuity in beating me time and again so I was finding this all quite funny and my bankroll wasnt in danger as I had been expecting another visit from teh BBDs after the last 15 times they visited me, and especially since I learned about their existence after a whiskey induced hallucination when they carelessly left their uplink to my brain switched on, enabling me to see them clearly in my drunken state.

The first thing i saw was that they get a bit annoyed when you take a break during a bad run, as they want you to keep playing as their studies have shown that this increases the chances of mega tilt. They know that a calm unemotional mind will tilt much less often. The break seems to work to decrease the intensity and duration of the bad run, which they dislike, but they admire and reward you for taking the break. Its part of their job description to do this. Curiously they didnt know what a carrot or a stick was.

Since I was beginning to understood the BBDs now, they stopped understanding me when my file was pulled from the BBFC!!!!!!! They had a heated meeting to discuss my case. They come to some conclusions about me and reported them to their superiors.

I got a copy of the conclusions of their report as they wanted to know what i thought. I read the conclusions and stared at the wall....not wanting to give anything away to them. You can read their conclusions about me below.

1. This person is now in a growing group of players who is consciously aware of the existence of the BBDs. (even most people are still in denial about their existence, which the doctors depend upon a great deal for their kicks).

2. He wasnt surprised when the BBDs came to visit him for the 6th time so far this year, unlike most people. Infact, we suspect he has been expecting them for some time and was beginning to wonder when they would pull his file from the BBFC.

3. He prepared mentally and financially (his bankroll was very big this time for his limit) for this visit, and he fully understand the importance and inevitability of the visits as a poker player.

4. We believe that he has been calmly studying US as we study him....this is a very unsettling development for us and may mean a lot less fun for us in the future. He wanted to see us do our worst so that he could prepare for our next visit even better than he prepared for this one.

5. It isnt much fun for us to visit him as he doesnt behave the way we want.

6. He understands, that despite not being much fun for us, doctors have to do their rounds every so often, and he fully expects us to come back soon to check up on him. But other players are much more fun for us, and we can visit those other players more often in the interests of job satisfaction.

7. We conclude that he likes our visits because it gives him a chance to learn about us and how we work on his mind so that he can be stronger with every visit.

8. The doctors have concluded that, coupled with his knowlede of them, his bankroll and his win rate, they may never be able to shift him from the poker tables through destruction of his bankroll, unless he does something very stupid, and that is much less likely than average given his past behaviour and current knowledge.

When they put my file back into the bad beat filing cabinet, (BBFC) to move on to their next subject having failed to put me on mega tilt or get one hearty laugh at my stupidity, they were forced by their superiors to give back all the money they took in the bad beats, by shifting the random luck curve in my favour.

Most importantly, they also gave me a long term pay rise. This pay rise is given to everyone who rumbles the bad beat doctors. Its the law of the universe.


Bingo.

Or you could just attribute your "bad beats" to variance but I don't know my idea is kinda wacky oh wait [img]/images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img]

[ZenMusician]

Stochastic. Angels. Flashback. Must. Disconnect.

sry

-ZEN

[SNOWBALL138]

I thought this post was going to be retarded, but it's actually very good. Have you considered submitting it to any publications?

[sunek]

Yes you are right about BBD. I have had a lot of visits lately and I have suspected their presence - nothing else can explain the bad beats I have suffered lately (not even classic probability theory [img]/images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img]). I have banged my head against the computer table, the screen and yelled quite loud and trust me it does not help. So as you suggest I will try to fight bad beats with humour I guess it is the only way, since you can’t learn much from bad beats (if the cause of your loss was bad play it would not be a bad beat, just an expensive lesson).

Be ware BBD – I’ll be back

Thanks for a humoristic post

Straight flushes

sunek

[Eaglesfan1]

Hell of a post.

[Kaeser]

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Hell of a post.

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(HOAP)

[gildwulf]

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I thought this post was going to be retarded, but it's actually very good.

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[Pog0]

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I thought this post was going to be retarded, but it's actually very good.

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(ITTPWGTBRBIAVG)

hmm... or not.

[toby]

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[ QUOTE ]
I thought this post was going to be retarded, but it's actually very good.

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why did we even read it if we all thought it was going to be retarded?

good post