How do I tell my parents I'm not happy...

I'm a 21 year old student. I feel that my life isn't going the way I want it to. I don't know exactly how to describe the way i feel the past few years of my life have been pretty unsatisfying. I don't usually feel really really depressed, I just have a general feeling being unfulfilled and insecure. I don't feel very sad or very happy. It's just a dull state of being where I try to push out the voices inside my head. It's just a constant state of feeling "blah" or "meh" if you know what I mean. I'm trying my best to explain this but it's not easy to describe.

There are numerous factors in my life that make me feel this way about myself. I don't feel they are specifically important to mention here but there are a number of issues that hang around my head. I think of them this way. Each one is a small obstacle that gets in my way. If there was only one issue, it would be a small hurdle and it would be relatively easy to just "step" over it. However I feel that each problem piles up on top and creates a big wall that feels almost impossible to get over. I'm pretty sure I can overcome my past problems and get over this. It's not going to be easy and it's going to take a while but I'm confident that I can do it if I try. I'm not quite sure how to do this but I think my parents can help me.

My parents are close to me and I know they care about me. They help me do things I don't know how to do or am too lazy to do, they help me financially and I appreciate that very much. I just don't feel I can open up to them. I'm sure this repression is very common for guys growing up in suburbia. I have friends at school but I don't feel close enough to any of them just to talk about what's on my mind. I don't have a girlfriend and I never had one in the past. Even though I have friends, I still feel I'm trapped inside myself. I don't feel as though I can take my problems to them.

I don't want to make it seem that bad though. I have some very good friends I've made at school but I don't feel I need to talk to them about issues that happened before I met them. They just wouldn't understand the situation as well as my parents would. Just because I can't go to them though doesn't mean they're not good friends. Some would say that you can go to a good friend with any problem, but I don't feel this way. It's just there's nobody I know who I'm that close with. Someday I hope this to be the case but now it is not.

Anyway, I feel my parents, especially my mom can help me. I love them both but my dad has done things that I haven't really forgiven him of (I need to do this). I know he feels bad about what he did and cares about me just as much as my mom but she's more, well, innocent. It's hard for me to do this because I've been such a closed person for most of my teen years and into my early twenties. I hide my discontent by joking around and making life seem less serious than it is. My parents and friends have come to know my quiet but dry and sarcastic sense of humour. Most of the time I don't even think about how I act and how I appear to others because I've been living like this for such a long time now. But then there are times (like now) where I just kick myself for living such a crappy life. I think to myself that I can change and I owe it to myself to change. I just need to stop being so passive and neutral. I need to grow up and face my problems. This is why I'm writing this post.

Again, I know my parents can help me but I just need to ask them for it. I feel so embarassed and ashamed admitting my weakness to them yet I feel that they would understand and I also do not think they would be surprised. There's just something about this that I think they can see in my day to day appearance even though I never blatantly come out and say to them, "Help me, I don't like myself and I want to change."

Okay up to this point I've made my life seem to be really bad and it's not. I have hobbies and friends. I've been relatively successful in poker over the last year and I'm proud of myself for that. Also from time to time I find myself having lots of fun and totally forgetting about my problems. However, there is a lot of down time in college for me to be by myself and they don't just go away.

I'm going home for Thanksgiving soon and I figure I need to talk to them about it sometime. Any thoughts on how I can do this? It will be very hard for me, no doubt, but it's something that I feel needs to be done...

I sincerely thank anyone who has read this far and thank you even more if you decide to offer a bit of help. If I made anything unclear, and I'm sure I did, just ask and I will try to clarify.

wow, i think we were separated at birth or something because that's almost the exact same situation i'm in down to every detail, except i'm 23 and stuff.

my problem with telling my parents stuff is it gets passed around, from one to the other, and sometimes on to other family members. thus i am very closed off to them about personal issues.

however since i have a better connection with my mom than dad, and i don't really have friends to bitch to (i really only have one strong one, and he's just a listener, not an advice giver), i'll tell my mom on the condition that she just keeps it to herself, and that usually works.

i've also found that sometimes i'll tell my dad some things and my mom others, based on my relationship with them. like i'll talk to my mom about getting a job or school (she was a teacher so that helps) and i'll talk to my dad about, say, getting a car or girls (though that's pretty rare, he can't keep his mouth shut).

when i got my B.S. in stats i felt it's what i wanted to do, but now finishing up my M.S. i'm really pretty blah about it. i started poker to make some money, have fun, and as a longshot career hope (hah!). i really don't want to DO anything with my life is the problem, nothing really gets me that excited that would be a possible career (i mean i like certain music but that's a huge longshot, so i'm being realistic). if i could sit around all day that's be fine by me.

it may be better to tell your mom not to tell anyone else, that makes it more comfortable. my parents sound a lot like yours, my dad is a bit too strict and my mom a bit too easy. if it goes ok, one idea may be to have her tell your dad, and see if your dad can initiate some conversation about it, or whatever.

anyway, i'll stop yammering.

[BigBiceps]

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i really don't want to DO anything with my life is the problem, nothing really gets me that excited that would be a possible career

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To the opening two posters: Think about it now, or else in 10 years from now, you can be stuck in some boring job. [img]/images/graemlins/frown.gif[/img]

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i really don't want to DO anything with my life is the problem, nothing really gets me that excited that would be a possible career

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To the opening two posters: Think about it now, or else in 10 years from now, you can be stuck in some boring job. [img]/images/graemlins/frown.gif[/img]

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Thinking about it now won't prevent that possibility. It probably won't even decrease it that much.

to the OP, I imagine almost everyone goes through something like that sometime between the ages of 156 and 25. Your parents aren't going to be able to do a thing about it. Talk to a counselor at school to help get through the daily grind and other than that, make a promise to yourself to do something different. It doesn't really matter what, just once a month or so do something you haven't done before.

[mindflayer]

Consider writing all of the confusion down. YOu are a very good writer, and it may help you to clear your head.
See a councellor as well. Your writing may help him/her to discuss your situation with a better understanding of YOU.

To the OP..I know exactaly how you feel. I'm also 21 and in my 4th year of college and still feel like I have no direction and I have no idea what I want to do for a career. I'm commuting to college and live at home with my parents and have talked to them about this many many times. The truth is that they really don't have much advice other than to stick with school. I can't really blame them for not having any useful advice. They both help me financially too and if it weren't for them I don't know what the hell I would be doing now, possibly not going to college. Right now I'm in a crappy major (communications/electronic media) that really doesn't pay well at all even if I were to graduate with a degree. I really don't know if this is what I want to be doing for the rest of my life. I want to get out on my own so bad and get a career going for myself but I feel so lost. I have some friends but, like you, don't really feel that comfortable talking to them about personal things. I also had a break up about a year ago from a 2 year relationship so lately I have really been feeling alone and lost. At least I have found poker as something to do to occupy my time and do pretty good at the lower limits I play. Sometimes all the frustration in career desicions makes you think about becoming a professional poker player ya know? [img]/images/graemlins/wink.gif[/img]

[chesspain]

The best advice I can give is for you to talk to a trained mental health professional at school. I would imagine that a school the size of USC would have a free or low cost mental health clinic for students.

[krishanleong]

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The best advice I can give is for you to talk to a trained mental health professional at school. I would imagine that a school the size of USC would have a free or low cost mental health clinic for students.

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This is very good advice. Please get help from someone with training and expertise.

Krishan

[Buccaneer]

You sound like you are somewhat depressed. This may or may not be brought about by what ever issue that you have with your Dad.

Someone suggested that you seek counseling at USC. This is good advice and you should look into it. They probably have some type of medical clinic that you should visit and have a complete physical and blood work done. This can help rule out physical problems. It would probably be free through student services.

You may also be your typical young adult that doesn't know what he wants to do with his life. This too can cause you to be come depressed as well.

Please take the time and effort to look into this. If you do nothing then nothing will change.

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